Love Your Wobble

Note: A shorter version of this article appeared in Journey

“Go to where you could embarrass yourself, but…not hurt yourself,” said Rebecca, the instructor at the hot yoga studio, Maine Hatha Yoga.

She was guiding us into the pose called Half Moon.

She had just given us three different variations of the pose, from easiest to hardest, and left it up to us to pick which version we would try.

She then added: “and…there’s no need to add any drama.”

I smiled at this.

That’s something we can apply to all of life, like the slogan Misery Is Optional.

And if that wasn’t already enough of a daily dose of wisdom, Rebecca followed up with this gem from a yoga teacher of hers:

“The pose actually only begins at the wobble.”

When she said that, I knew I had to write about this.

So What Does This Have to Do With You?

Think of areas in your life you want to learn and grow. So for instance:

1.      Learning a new skill or a new profession.

2.      Changing jobs or careers

3.      Being more brave about speaking your truth and setting boundaries

4.      Becoming more open-hearted and unguarded in relationships

5.      Developing a fitness and wellness practice

What’s your growing edge?

Once you have one in mind…let’s go through what Rebecca said and translate it.

 “Go to where you could embarrass yourself, but…not hurt yourself”

The only way we can learn and grow is to step outside our Comfort Zone.

However, we won’t do it if we believe it will be too painful to take that step.

So that’s why we want to take the proverbial Baby Steps, a step that is big enough to feel challenging, but small enough where we don’t feel like we’ll do an emotional face plant if we fail.

So think about what would be some Baby Steps in the area or areas you want to learn and grow.

And then take them.

 “There’s no need to add any drama.”

We don’t have to make going outside our Comfort Zone into a bigger deal than it is. Just like “misery is optional”, so is drama.

One way people add drama in yoga and when working out is putting on what instructors and trainers call a “pain face.”

You know that look, all scrunched up with furrowed brow and clenched jaw?

Putting on a pain face signals your mind “This is painful!” and, if done repeatedly, is a great way to create the feeling of pain where before there was just discomfort. It also teaches the body to associate pain with that particular posture or activity, and with stepping outside your physical comfort zone.

We create drama when we step outside our comfort zone by creating a metaphorical face in the form of negative self-talk like:

“What if I try and fail…what will people think?”

“Will my friends think I’m crazy if I go back to school and make fun of me behind my back?”

“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll feel like such a loser.”

“OMG…I just spoke for the first time in a group and it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. People must think I’m a moron!”

Speaking of adding drama, I had mixed feelings about Rebecca using the phrase “embarrass yourself.”

On one hand, I thought it was useful because it tapped into the common fear of looking foolish if we try something and fail. On the flipside, I believe it’s important to remind ourselves that, if we fail, embarrassment—just like misery—is optional.

One of the most useful principles of emotional self-management I’ve learned is that situations don’t cause our emotions, the meaning we make about a situation is what causes our emotional response. (Note: I’m not talking about automatically triggered emotional reactions, but emotions we hold onto to)

 So for instance, if I tried the most advanced Half Moon variation and tipped over and fell, I could think “Boy…did I ever look like a fool! I bet everybody is thinking ‘what a clod!’”.

If I engaged in that self-talk, then yes, I would feel embarrassed.

Let’s say instead I think: “Well then…I still have a way to go on that one! Big High Five for going for it!”

If that’s the meaning I make about my fall, I will feel bemused and cheerful, ready for the next move.

Rather than fearing that we will “wobble” if we try something new and challenge ourselves, we need to instead recognize that feeling awkward and performing clumsily is a good sign. It means we are growing.

So instead of seeing that wobbly feeling as something to avoid, it’s actually something to seek out. It’s not a sign that we are doing it wrong, it’s a sign that we are growing.

What Was Once a Wobble Will Be a “Walk in the Park”

When I first started practicing handstands, my arms wobbled from using stabilizer muscles I had never needed to use until then.

It wasn’t just physically difficult.

I had this primal, irrational fear of being upside down and also of falling over backwards, even though I was practicing them against a wall and couldn’t fall over backwards. While intellectually I knew I was in no danger, at a felt sense level, my body said otherwise.

I can still remember hurling my legs upward and have them slam against the wall. Sometimes I would do it half-heartedly, because of that irrational, primal fear. Other times I would hurl with gusto and my feet would bang awkwardly against the wall.

Just like learning any new skill or trying out new behaviors, it felt deeply unnatural, and it wasn’t pretty.

Over time, what felt very unnatural and awkward, and what made me feel very vulnerable, became normal, and eventually…easy.

When you think back on times in your life where you’ve tried something new, remember how you gradually went from “wobbly” to “easy” or maybe it happened out of the blue.

I remember standing in line with a friend at a coffee shop after coming from a yoga class and telling her how challenging the class was. More specifically, I told her how we were learning the Bird of Paradise pose. To show her how awkward and difficult it was, I squatted down and threaded my right arm underneath my right leg and then—to my total surprise—stood up straight on my left leg, with my leg in my arm.

I had never done it before! I was just going to show her how hard it was.

So regardless of whether the process was long and arduous and gradual, or long and arduous, followed by a startling breakthrough, this we know:

The wobble is only temporary.

So…How Do You Put This Into Action?

 1.      Reflect on your own “I moved beyond the wobble” experiences and remind yourself “I did it before, so I can do it again.” When you feel anxious about stepping outside your Comfort Zone, remind yourself of your own experiences of moving beyond the wobble, how you survived it and how much easier that thing is now for you. If you are in the middle of the wobble, remind yourself that it’s just the beginning phase, the first chapter. It’s not the whole book. Just like those other times, the “wobble” turns out to have a happy ending.

2.      Use the mantras “I love to wobble” and “Discomfort is my friend.” They will remind you that it’s only through allowing yourself to wobble by stepping outside your Comfort Zone that growth happens. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable and wobbly…you’re growing. If you say these mantras to yourself tongue in cheek, with an attitude of bemusement, it helps even more.

3.      Start Small—Remember to take Baby Steps. Make the first step outside your Comfort Zone so ridiculously small, there is no way you can rationally argue that it’s scary. Taking baby steps is also one of THE most effective behavior change strategies. For more on that, check out B.J. Fogg’s TEDTalks.

4.      Reframe “failure” as “feedback” and “learning”—Imagine a baby falling while learning to walk and thinking “OMG…am I ever a loser!!! I better not try that crazy walking thing ever again.” If that was a typical baby response, we would all still be crawling through life. Babies just use the falling as feedback about how to tweak their approach. When we try something and it doesn’t go well, we can see it as feedback on how we can do it differently and better next time, and as a learning experience. We can immediately shift into curiosity-mode and ask “Hmm…what can I learn from this?”

So…Go Forth and Wobble!

Love your wobble because if you’re wobbling, you’re learning and growing.

Each time you wobble, you’re becoming a braver, better version of yourself.

And what’s not to love about that!