Love You Zindagi

The road not taken in HR corridors

The twenties are absolutely fantastic! You have financial independence at long last, you’re in your first job – or maybe second, you’re buzzing with ideas, and excited about all the difference you can make to your organisation and to the world!

On the other hand, the twenties are absolutely disastrous. Love hurts, corporate life is a battlefield, some of your classmates are making considerably more than you, and your life just isn’t as perfect as you’d have liked it to be. I mean, what kind of justice is this? You’re from a top B-school, working for a massive conglomerate – and you don’t even get a Mac to work on? Or even a small cabin? What’s more, you either hang out of a metro, brave your way through a local train or sway on state-run buses to get to work.

I’ve been there and done that, so let me clarify. It’s not like everyone is unhappy, dissatisfied or demoralised. It’s just that things can always be better. We can always be happier and life can be perfect – just that it’s not quite there yet. In Gauri Shinde’s Dear Zindagi, Kaira (Alia Bhatt) is a bright, good-looking character with a promising future. There’s only one problem – she isn’t happy. There are experiences from her past that have made her insecure. Even now, she has relationship issues, commitment issues, landlord-problems etc. etc. But in the balance between all that is good and all that could be better, what defines her emotional state is what she chooses to focus on. An integral part of her happiness and the utopia she seeks involves relationship bliss…something that’s been elusive.

What about you? What is the most integral component of a perfect life in your mind? As human beings we crave perfection, unwavering happiness and success in every waking moment. Clearly, that’s not only impossible, but if it did happen, it would distort our perspective of happiness and satisfaction, because we understand these strong feelings only in comparison to their opposites. We want to be happy because we know what it’s like to be sad. The delicate question is, how to tip the scales towards happiness. With all things good and bad that make up our day, how do we ensure our mood is influenced by the good things?

You might have heard this before, but it all boils down to you. Consider this; whenever we’re low, we look outside ourselves for answers. We look for a crutch to support us. We reach out to doctors and psychiatrists. But what do they do? They primarily help us find our own answers. They guide us to prioritise right, in a way that gives us hope.

In fact, this is more common than most care to believe. Let’s start at the beginning. Often it doesn’t take as much as a visit to the doctor. All it takes is a sugar rush or our favourite comfort food to momentarily feel better. Small solutions for small problems.

If that doesn’t work, or problems intensify – some take to addictive substances. Substance abuse often starts when an immature mind craves momentary happiness – either an escape from problems or the approval of people and peers we look up to. Then by the time we realise we’re not any happier, it’s time to seek professional help.

But let me tell you, it’s easy to make life beautiful.

Is there anyone in this world who loves you?

Yes

Are you financially supporting yourself?

Yes

Do you have ideas that you want to bring alive?

Yes

Well, then all you need to be happy is figure out how all these positives in your life can be turned into experiences, extended to a legacy, shared with your colleagues and make a difference to you and the world. To my mind, if a mistake can keep you up at night, so can an idea. If your past can hold you back, then your future can propel you forward. If a colleague can embarrass you, a team-member can make you proud. If two left feet makes you feel awkward at a party, then a musical voice can make you fit right in.

For everything you cannot do, there is one that you can do rather well. Build your strengths instead of mopping over your weaknesses. They say that if you judge an elephant by its ability to climb a tree, then it will spend its whole life feeling inadequate. Goa is fun for everyone, but it wasn’t for Kaira, and it doesn’t have to be for you. Find your happy place and wear it on your sleeve. School life are the wonder years for most, it wasn’t for Kaira – what about you?

Fall in love.

Make mistakes.

Try your hand at everything.

Talk to strangers.

Listen.

Learn.

Give.

Take.

Enjoy life.

But more important than these ‘Dos’ are the ‘Don’ts’.

Don’t fear abandonment.

Don’t lose hope.

Don’t judge yourself by common parameters.

Don’t doubt.

Life can be beautiful even if the rigmarole of your days sometimes leaves you feeling otherwise! The present reality is that you have many more options than the generation before you ever had. They had a social life, you have a social life AND a virtual life. They had a career, you have MULTIPLE careers. They learnt from their experiences, your experiences are ever changing in an evolving world. Understandably, simpler times made it easier to be happy. But complication and layering don’t have to lead to frustration. Life may be layered, but you can seek out simple answers. Life may look like a mess, but you (and only you) can make it beautiful.

@KeepUpWithKaustubh

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Kaustubh Sonalkar is the most unlikely hero you’d expect to find in serious HR corridors. Disruption runs through his veins, and ideas come to him at the speed of light. Keep up with Kaustubh as he shares his thoughts through this un-blog.