Love Those "Fiblets."

I’ve been working with the wife of a man who should have been placed in a dedicated environment months ago. Years ago their marriage was dissolved amicably and yet they are still in each other’s lives today. The focus of this article is the challenges she is having keeping him from driving and therapeutic fibbing.

They are well past the stage where trying to be reasonable would work, so it’s time to play hard ball and take away the car. In most cases, they are going to want to get in the car and drive, so she has to be prepared, and this is where those “little white lies” come in so handy. “John, the car has a bad transmission and it’s being fixed. They said they’d let us know when it’s ready.” “Mom, I think the car has been stolen. I’ve talked to the police and they are on the lookout for it. Meanwhile, I can can take you anywhere you want to go.” In the majority of cases they will move on until the subject comes up again. By the way, make sure that your local mechanic and police are in on it in case they call them.

There are countless ways that therapeutic fibs can help, however not everyone buys in. I had a daughter that thought that using fiblets was “B.S.” Little did she know that if it weren’t for our ability to manage dad’s behavior by using them, he would have had to leave our community. Often, health care providers and families are faced with the question of where the demented loved one’s significant other or child may be. He or she may have passed years ago, but they don’t remember it. Telling them that their soul mate or child has passed away is not the answer. Why would you want them to go through the mourning process every time the subject came up? Again, turn to a fiblet. “Mom, Dad’s traveling and will be back in a few days,” or “Dad, Bill is playing tennis, he’ll be home later this afternoon.”

As most of you know, I ask you all to Join The Journey, and using therapeutic fibs are a great way to do that. In many cases your loved one’s mind is confused so it will take them back to a time when they had more clarity, meaning and purpose. I love to give the example of the 90-year-old woman in a community who carries a doll with her everywhere. In most cases, what’s more meaningful to a woman than being a mother? Inexperienced individuals may say “Alice, you’re being ridiculous, you’re 90 years old, if you had children they’d be in their 60s.” The experienced caregivers would say… “What a beautiful baby Alice. What a great Mother you are,” and Alice walks off feeling very good about herself. Trouble bathing? Try telling them that someone special is coming by and and we want to look wonderful for them. They “want to go home” when they are home? Tell them they’re safe and redirect them by asking them to tell you about their first home. What did they like about it?

A final example involves the police. While working with a local department, I was asked about a gentleman who would call the station convinced that there were “bad guys” in the parking lot. There weren’t. Along with telling him you would dispatch a patrol car to investigate, tell him you were going to have an undercover officer in a civilian car in the lot. He wouldn’t know who it was, but he or she would be there, undercover. It worked like a charm.

You’ll find the more you use fiblets, the better you’ll get at using them. They’re a great way to relieve their stress and yours.

Questions? Email me at [email protected].