Love Pattern

On one winter evening in 2014, I was waiting for my husband to return home from his cricket match. ?

All these days were filled with cold wars between us since the only thing which I needed from him was his time and attention and which I was not getting also, the same.?

My usual dialogue at that point of time was ‘Endhengilum parayyinum..’ “Tell me something..”, always asking him to speak. But he has nothing to say to me. ?

Otherwise I would keep on updating him about everything that happened around me.?

Once he said, “Is this the thing you need to tell me? Telling about what happened with kids and neighbors? Is this the matter to speak?”?

This made me feel so bad. I said, “I can tell only what happens around me. If I were going to the office like you I would be sharing all those.” I felt broken inside and tears were rolling. ?

Though I chose to be a homemaker as kids were too small 4 and 2 yrs yet it was causing pain in me. Feeling hollow in me. Though University rank holder, I never had any big audacious career plan. I wanted to be there for my kids and family since it was demanding and we had no choice as we were alone there in air force quarters Bangalore.?

He is very sincere, very dedicated, not only does his job, but curious to learn other department works and does that too. In Air Force normally the working hours would be 07:15 to 14:30(approx) and twice in a week they have to go for afternoon shifts. This is normal but it is subjected to change when there is need. ?

My husband is so sincere that he goes on afternoon shifts for most of the whole week as he takes care of different departments on his own will and the shift is till 16-17:00.?

This doesn’t mean that he is free after 17:00. ?

As he enters at 17:00 hrs, he rushes back to the cricket ground where his friends would be waiting. Again back by 19:00 goes to market…… finally after 21:30 he will be back completely exhausted.

?As he is getting busy with his schedule, all that is left with me is my lonely hrs.

?I’m tired of his schedule and could see a husband running behind work and cricket.

?Even for occasions like kid's birthday he has no time to accompany us to temple.

?I was really exhausted from within, not finding the trace of love.

?Knowing that he loves me but I’m not able to find it anywhere.

?So finally on this winter evening, I decided to get out of the house, a holiday with myself, a walking. I needed that space as I don’t want to look for happiness from him.

Hearing the calling bell sound, I opened the door. I told him, “I feel like going for a walk. I’ll return back soon.”

As he is supportive of my wishes, he did not say anything.

So, for the first time I stepped alone out of my quarter, just for the sake that I don’t want to repeat asking for him to speak or for engaging with him where I’m not getting any attention.

I want a break from my usual self.

Winter in Bangalore is chill and dark at that time. Air Force has good lanes to walk through. Walked alone for the first time. Soon I found myself enjoying the chillness, walking between the trees, seeing the branches dancing in the breeze, the child in me enjoyed everything around the pleasant weather.

I alternated between walking, jogging, running.. I was enjoying my company so well. Soon I realized it was much darker now. I finally got back home.

I knocked on the door. My husband opened and soon I could sense a nice aroma from inside. My eyes went wide open to check what's that?

My husband had roasted some nuts, powdered them and with jaggery he made laddoos. He knows cooking but this.. I didn’t expect it. He said smilingly, “You would be tired after walking, have some laddoos.”

Me- with mixed emotions, was staying silent enough to understand what’s going around me. What am I thinking about him and what he is??

I was still… asking questions within me..

He has no time for me when I ask,

Even if he gets time, he doesn’t speak.

Even If I speak, he doesn’t give 100% attention, always divided attention, Me and mobile, me and newspaper…

Now???

I stayed calm to understand then…

I found his form of love is to “SERVE”. He knows to serve.

Now my mind reminded me about pasts,

He had taken care of me whenever I was in need. Whenever I felt helpless physically. He was there to support me by taking care of kids and also all household work. He never denied doing anything. As how he does all the work at his office beyond his department, he does the same at home. He never categorizes, he helps at everything, provided if he is at home.

He doesn’t know to chat verbally.

He doesn’t know how to give attention.

He doesn’t know how to spend time with us.

But he wholeheartedly loves me and takes care of me and fills my presence in my absence.

I started to love him for what he is…

Expecting only for what he is..

This filled my search for his sign of love.

Have you found out the love language of your loved ones??

Have you found out the pattern that they are exhibiting the way of love…

The pattern is just before you.

For me the laddoos reminded me of his pattern of love?

Don’t wait like me, Observe whichever is before you and embrace the form of love of your loved ones. Don’t postpone loving, Love the way they are…

You are AWESOME and you have the ability to add awesomeness…

If you resonate with this, Share your thoughts in the comment section..

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Happy Living…

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Cheers

Vinitha J

Transforming Lives Club

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