Love the Ones You Lead

June 1, 2021

I was reminded, this week, of a favorite poem – one among the top 5 anyway – entitled “An Arundel Tomb,” by Philip Larkin. The poem, which seems much older, perhaps owing to its subject matter, was completed by Larkin in 1956. It describes a 14th century tomb that the author saw in an old cathedral in southern England. Stanza by stanza, Larkin, an atheist, muses about the lives, or coupled life, of the married occupants of the tomb. The poem strikes a tone of cynicism, not unusual for Larkin, toward marriage, tradition, and social standing. But then, as if jarred, by a single, before overlooked detail, into recalling his own humanity, the deflating 41 lines of the poem before, give way to a breathtaking final 7 words: “What will survive of us is love.” In them, Larkin, seems almost to have surprised even himself. Like one blurting out a truth. Philip Larkin, after nearly seven stanzas of callous detachment, almost tenderly reminds us of one of the most undeniable truths of all time – that love endures all. 

And that’s the point for the week. 

I listened on a webcast today, as the moderator encouraged would-be leaders to wipe their vocabularies, resumes, LinkedIn profiles, elevator speeches and other elements of their public image of any “soft skills.” Loving those you lead quite certainly fits that bill. As would treating others with kindness or seeking to improve the lives of those who follow you. What matters most, it seems, is driving others to produce results, their feelings be darned. 

But as it is true that almost no one remembers who won a Super Bowl two years later, virtually no one will recall one number you posted even two quarters after you put it on the board. Think of what may have been the most important product launch, customer meeting or “change” initiative you were ever involved in. Now try to recall exact dates, figures or even people who were involved. Good luck.

Now think about those leaders who had the greatest impact on your life personally, those you’d tell others you love(d). I guarantee you remember their names. I am likewise certain that you can recall other details about your time with them with photographic accuracy. And I’ll bet you can recite from rote things these people taught you. 

When we stop regarding love as an unimportant soft skill but instead as something central to who we are as leaders and a non-negotiable attribute of the teams we lead, something enduring and verging on the magical happens. Trust blossoms. Human beings come together around common ideas and goals not for the sake of those things but for the sake of each other, for the love of one another. Great leaders make it perfectly and abundantly clear to those in their care that they love them and, accordingly, would do nearly anything for them. In return, those who follow them would walk through fire for these leaders and gladly turn around and do it again. As a result, these organizations win more often and survive downturns and other hardships without breaking their stride. They stay together longer, and the people within them remember each other for a lifetime. 

These things happen because of the surviving power of love – that which, far from being a soft skill, and greatest of all human connections, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and, above all, endures all things. 

So, skip the lecture on skipping soft skills. 

Love the ones you lead. 

And win.

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