?? LOVE, Is More Than Just A Four-Letter Word.

The Emotion of Love and Your Brain and Body. What is Love?

All of our human emotions and feelings are processed by the brain’s neurological and nervous systems. It is then very important that we have our bodily systems in check and in good running conditions, in order to experience our emotions and feelings better and properly. One of these main emotions to appreciate is the quality of love. Love can be part of our human identity, if we allow it to be. It can also be one of our main strongest dominating quality and emotion within us, if we cultivate it to grow in us. Cultivated love, in humans, can become a part of our personality and also of our human characteristics, or character. What then, can we humans do in order to have and enjoy a full normal human experience of this main quality and emotion called love? One thing we could do, is to know more about this endearing and enduring quality, in order to make application of it in our lives. So, it is proper to begin with the question and ask: What is love?

Love, is a definite strong enduring and desired emotion found in human characteristics and personalities; it can be a part of a human identity, as a dominant mark or trait of it. Animals are unable to give, receive, experience or express love as humans have the capacity to do. Love, can produce all types of other positive feelings that all of us humans enjoy experiencing, and for good reasons, since love makes everything better in our lives. We are truly happy when our positivity results from this quality and emotion of love. Every human being has been created with the capacity to receive love and also to give it out and express it on to self and on to others. We, therefore, expect it or want this quality of love to be long-lasting; never ending. We do well to ask: When do we begin to experience love? What types of love do we experience? How does it become a quality that is part of our identity?

The answer to these questions is that we, humans, all can be affected or have been already affected by this quality and emotion of love, at one time or another in our lives, maybe even unknowingly. There are many experiences that we can recall, when it comes to love, but there is this one to consider, one experience that we have no control of.

The first experience of love many of us humans have experienced as individuals, begin as soon as we are conceived in the womb, and thereafter, after we are born. It is an act of love to let a conceived life to exists and to grow. In most cases, our parents, or our mothers, will fill us with love since the very beginning of our lives; inside the womb. This is our first experience with this quality and emotion of love; the fact that we have been allowed to live our lot in life, is an act of love. Love is given to us unconditionally and naturally, as we have absolutely no control over the situation. This type of love is called familial love or natural love, since it should happen naturally. It is this quality and type of love that we begin to form and that grows within us within the family setting. We learn to develop this familial love within us, as individuals, as we watch other humans express it within the family unit. We observe them demonstrate it and treat each other with familial love. In the family setting, our parents have the opportunity to take the lead in setting the example for us, in demonstrating this quality and emotion of love appropriately, by treating each other with love, expressing it onto each other, onto us, in many different ways, within their own individual lives, in their dealings with others and throughout our lives with everyone in the family unit.

Familial love, or natural love is one of the types of love that exists, but there are other three main recognized types that we should also consider. It is fit then, to ask these questions: What types of love there exists? Why, how and when do we experience this other types of quality and emotion of love? And how can we tell if we are feeling love or something else? Is physical or sexual attraction, love?

Knowing the difference between this quality and emotion called love and other feelings that we may experience, will aid us in understanding ourselves and our own feelings and emotions better. Also, it will aid us in recognizing, discerning and understanding the emotions and feelings of others that we may interact with throughout our lives and to respond accordingly.

To better understand these four main types of the quality and emotion of love, first, we have to go to reliable sources to understand how and when the word “love” originated. The word “love”, is derived from the writing found in the Bible, especially that of the Greek Scriptures. There, it is mentioned that love never fails, that love is patient and kind. That love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, it does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Throughout the Bible, we can find references to these four main types of love: familial, friends/brotherly, romantic and agape love. There are many love examples in the Bible that depict these four different types of quality and emotion of love.

Thereafter, in other book references, we find in history, writers trying to understand and explain this quality and emotion of love and getting it wrong or confused with other feelings. Some philosophers, in the past, have identified this quality and emotion of “love”, and classified it into different types of love, even some feelings, such as lust, that should not be considered to be love, since it is not love; it is the opposite of what love entails, as explained above.

A reliable source to know about this quality and emotion of love, is the Bible, which is the bibliotheca that mentions that God is love (Divine or Agape love). There it explains that we humans are made in God’s image, so therefore, we have the capacity to cultivate divine or agape love within us, and to make it for us a dominant primary quality, characteristic and trait of who we are, of our identity. We have the capacity to replicate and reflect God’s love, if we choose to do so (Divine love, which is best known as Agape love; a love based on Bible principles, and all its godly attributes). Agape love is supposed to be the main quality and emotion of love that should exist in those who say of themselves to be followers of the Christ (Jesus Christ). Keep in mind that love is the main source and foundation for all other positive emotions that are found in humans beings, as they allow themselves to experience this quality and emotion of love.

In other human writing references, modern and antique, there are some writings that define and explain the word “love”, as originating from the Greek culture, and not from the Bible, from God Himself, as it should be. In these other human writing references, philosophers have identified, classified and divided this quality and emotion of love into different types of loves, some of which, should not even be considered the quality and emotion love because they are describing feelings that are not related or associated to love, as it should be, and since it doesn’t explain fully what love is really all about and what it really means, to be a loving human being, to love or to be in love. Especially when it comes to demonstrating agape love, that emanates from God. There are four main types of love that we generally and popularly recognize and display among humans.

?? The four main types of love as classified:

?? Familial Love (philosophers called it in Greek, Storge)

This is the love that parents should naturally have for their children, even if unborn. It is an unconditional love. A love that requires long-term sacrifice, unselfishness, great patience, and long-term devotion. This type of familial or natural love is demonstrated by parents (or by a mother) for their children, when they care and provide for their children, when they make sacrifices for them, and appropriately train them, discipline them, unselfishly aid them to become self-sufficient, independent adults.

?? Friendship Love, Brotherly Love (philosophers called it in Greek, Philia).

This is the type of love that the followers of the Christ demonstrated and still demonstrate towards each other. It is a love that exists between close friends, who are loyal towards each other. In the congregation, you will find members of the congregation calling each other, brothers and sisters, for this same reason; brotherly love. This type of brotherly love that christians should have for each other is based on an even stronger love, and that love is, Divine or Agape love.

?? Romantic Love (philosophers called it in Greek, Eros)

This type of love, most often results from the previously aforementioned type of love, and that is the friendship type of love. Romantic love usually grows between two persons who find themselves among a group of close friends or within friendships. Romantic love is based on the intellectual and physical attraction that one feels for a person of the opposite sex. By being friends already, it gives one the advantage of knowing this person of interest even better and more intimately, especially if one desires to pursue a romantic relationship with the individual. By being friends already, we are able to closely observe or become better informed about the person’s true identity. What is his or her personality really like, is he or she a spiritual individual, how does he or she lives, what are his or her ethical principles, goals, family relationships, what are his or her attributes, skills, talents, intellectual and physical beauty, intelligence, accomplishments, achievements, likes, dislikes, habits and what are his or her future plans. By having more detailed knowledge of all these characteristics and traits found in the person that interest us personally, it helps make our experience and feelings even more of stronger romantic interest for that individual. It of course, will make our internal desire to be with that person even more often, finding ways to spend longer periods of time together. This is usually known as a crush, or a chemical reaction that begins to stir within our being; it overtakes our mind and body. A romantic crush is what makes one to have those butterflies in the stomach. It happens every time one gets to be together in the same place with this person of interest, and even more if and when they are face to face, interacting with each other. The interest in the person becomes more intense with regular personal association and communication. Then, as more time is shared with the person of interest, physical sexual attraction will develop. Passion will also develop. The desire for self care begins, as oneself wants to become even more physically attractive, to the sight of the person that we are interested in, as we want to ensure that mutual attraction develops. Of course, that is if one has decided to pursue a relationship with this person of interest. It may be that even if we feel romantic love for an individual, we decide not to pursue a relationship. Among the attraction forces that one experiences, there also exists the non-sexual attraction, this involves one to concentrate on individual‘s (his or her) characteristics, spirituality, qualities, skills, talents or attributes that makes up the personality and identity of the person. If this type of romantic love is mutual, both individuals are or become attracted to each other, then it is a source of joy for both persons, but if this romantic love is not reciprocated by the person that we may be attracted to, he or she is not interested in being more than friends, then, it can be a very painful experience that one must make arrangements to get over from and recover from. It is vital to make personal mental preparations and arrangements in advance, to deal with the effects of rejection and disappointment, and so not to be overcome too long with grief.

?? Divine Love, God’s Love. God, is the source of Love. Love that is based on Bible Principles (philosophers called it in Greek, Agape).

This type of love is described in the Scriptures at John 3:16, as Divine love. It is love from Jehovah God, and it is referred to it as, God being love, not that he only feels the emotion of love. Therefore, God is love. Everything that God does is out of love. Justice, Wisdom, and Power are based and balanced with His love. There are other types of attributes resulting from God’s personality, which are mercy, loving-kindness, patience, pardoning error for those who sin and transgress, pardoning their error because they have turned around from doing bad, to doing good; they have repented of their badness and wrongdoings. He is loyal, hearer of prayer, among many other things.

Those are the main four types of love (above). There are many other feelings that a human being can develop based on his or her personal interests, points of view, habits, and also depending on his or her mental state, figurative heart condition, and intentions of his or her heart.

?? The following are feelings that can be develop in a human being and are often confused with one self being in love with another human:

?? Infatuation

Infatuation is a short-lived feeling. Ideally, it happens towards someone that is not realistically reachable, such as a movie star, or a teacher, or some famous figure; a fanatic (fan). The person becomes possessed mentally with obsessive passion or admiration for that someone. A strong desire to be part of that someone’s life. Usually that someone may not even know or suspect that you feel infatuation towards him or her. The infatuation is usually based on something physical or skills and talents that the person of interest possesses. The identity, intellectuals, good reputation, good upbringing, etc. or lack there of, of the person of interest are not taken into consideration or are not considered as important. 

?? Crush

Is a strong romantically liking about everything that someone we strongly admire possesses. It includes physical and sexual attraction towards the person. The feeling sensation that one experiences towards the person is usually known as “butterflies in the stomach” or what my husband calls “fireworks”.

These feelings and emotions are processed inside the body in the following way: They are part of the body’s fight-or-flight response when one feels threatened or one sees a need to survive. The emotion is felt in our stomachs. Our stomachs are usually referred to as our secondary brains. The stomach muscles get extra-sensitive during this episode, and that is what’s felt as the “butterflies” effect. Our neurological system along the brain-gut axis, let the stomach know when we are extremely nervous about someone that we are being overtaken by; mentally and physically. It is this type of romantic love that involves your overall self, including sexual attraction. That is why, besides the butterflies in your stomach, the body also simultaneously, experiences chemicals (chemistry) that ignites your sexual drive or impulses, or it can also develop in time. 

According to Science Daily, in their article “What Falling In Love Does To Your Brain”, it quotes, Dr. Pat Mumby, PhD, co-director of the Loyola Sexual Wellness Clinic and professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neurosciences, Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine (SSOM) by stating that: “Falling In love causes our body to release a flood of feel-good chemicals that trigger specific physical reactions.” In addition, it goes on to quote that: “This internal elixir of love is responsible for making our ears and cheeks flush, our palms sweat and our hearts race.” The type of love here mentioned is the Romantic type of love, which can fade away in time, for whatever reason, or if one decides not to pursue a relationship.

Science Daily, goes on to explain that “Levels of these substances, which include dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, increase when two people fall in love. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love.” It is this chemistry and chemical reactions that makes one feel extremely involved in our minds with sexual feelings and desire to be physically active with that person of the opposite sex. Wanting to be into each other’s mouth, hands, arms and bodies.

The Science Daily article, says further: “MRI scans indicate that love lights up the pleasure center of the brain. When we fall in love, blood flow increases in this area, which is the same part of the brain implicated in obsessive-compulsive behaviors.”

Which is interesting, because this is what can also make it difficult when it comes to having a romantic crush, or romantic love for someone, if the person does not reciprocate our love. It is not a problem if the person feels mutually the same, then, they both will be into each other and no other human being will be able to disrupt the relationship. There will be conflicts or problems if only one person in the relationship feels this way. It is possible that two humans agree to be in a relationship and not be attracted in the same way towards each other. They may enter in an unbalanced relationship, for personal gain only. And there are many other reasons why one can end up in an unbalanced relationship, not feeling either romantically or sexually attracted to the person or not having the same attachment to the person of interest. 

A romantic crush usually stems from close relationships such as friendships that we may interrelate with at work, school, or church (congregation). It does include consideration of the person’s identity, intellectuals, achievements, skills and talents. A strong interest in his or her likings, wants and desires develops. One becomes interested in the whole person and his or her goals. There exists mutual knowledge of these matters due to the friendship relationships that already exists. A romantic crush can often present as a future problem within oneself or in the relationship, if one tends to become allured and focused only with the good qualities of the person of interest and ignoring major flaws of identity and reputation of the individual. This can bring detrimental consequences, if it is overlooked or ignored. A romantic crush can also be short-lived if the identity and reputation of the person of interest reveals major flaws, and due to it one decides to move on from the person and instead focus on someone else that is better suited to start a romantic relationship with.

??Platonic

These feelings are non-sexual. The person allows his or her obsessive imagination to form or develop idolization and idealization for another human being, or human beings. Obsessively, the person with platonic feelings, start to admire the other person’s esthetically beauty, their attributes, personality, accomplishments and so on. It can also relate to fanaticism, or one being a fanatic of another human being. The word platonic derives from the Greek philosopher Plato.

??Lust

Lust is not love, and it should never be related to the quality of love; they are opposites. Lust (is to covet sexually) is an uncontrolled sexual desire that does not have regard for the other individual human being’s emotions and feelings. Lust, may lead a person to behave sexually inappropriately and compulsively. Lust, is based solely on the individual’s own selfish desires, without any intention of forming any type of healthy relationship with the other person. Lust, only seeks self-pleasure. Lust, is immoral, seeks immorality. Lust, will take advantage of the other person, without any regard for the other person’s vulnerability or rights. (Esp. Sexual abuse, polyamory, porneia, pornography, polygamy, promiscuity, any sexual immorality).

??Narcissistic

Narcissism is not love. It is not healthy love of self. This is not what love of self should be about. If one is considered to be narcissistic, it implies that one is egotistic, extremely selfish, vain, who idolizes and idealizes oneself for oneself attributes and aesthetically beauty. Oneself is considered and treated by self, as a god. One imagines oneself to be a god and may require or request from others to be treated in this way. This word, narcissistic is derived from Greek mythology. “Narcissism”, was the title for the psychoanalytic theory, introduced by Sigmoid Freud in 1914.

Now that we have the correct meaning to the word love and we have better understanding of what this quality and emotion entails, we can learn to cultivate it in our lives. We can learn to develop it and to grow it within ourselves, to reflect it onto others, through our actions and words. We can learn to make this quality and emotion of love the main part of our human identity. Now that we understand and know better what it means to love, to be in love and to be loved, let us make love one of our strongest force to lead our lives. 

“Love indeed, makes the world go around!”

Independent Writer: Judith Mendoza Published: May 29, 2019

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