Love, Money, and Broken Relationships at the Last Mile – A Case of a Male and Female Trader

I was fascinated by two small businesses I encountered and how they manage their money. The first was led by a woman, a small restaurant. She would serve the customers jovially while her husband took care of all the operational logistics and finances. I once bought takeaway from her, and when I made the mobile money payment, I noticed immediately the money was remitted to her husband. He had gone to pick supplies. She didn’t have his phone and asked to see the m-pesa confirmation message.

Curious, I asked her why she didn’t have a separate business account or use her number. She explained they had been childhood sweethearts and were married and she trusted him fully.

Their relationship was unlike others that folded like a handkerchief.

I smiled at the description.

Fast track, two years later, they had split up. He had encountered a younger woman and took off with all the money. She was left with nothing. No digital footprint to confirm her inflows nor records to show she partly owned the business. She had also not bothered to learn the logistics and floundered. From a flourishing café, she now sells buns from her home. She was unable to secure any loans, even from cooperatives, as she had no transaction records.? She vows to fully control her finances from henceforth, and even if she finds another man, she would separate business transactions from personal accounts.

I asked her what happened as she believed she had a strong relationship.

She answered me in Swahili, “The only person you can claim to fully know is yourself. But even understanding oneself can be complex.? I don’t understand how I thought I knew him. And so I need someone to rescue me from myself.”

I try to hide a smile but she laughs along stating that laughter heals the soul.

On the reverse side, I encountered a male carpenter. His business was doing relatively well as he focused on custom-making furniture pieces for household use. He wasn’t married but was in a relationship that is widely known in Kenya as “a come-we-stay.” He was madly in love with his partner, and like the lady trader, all collections went to her phone. The difference is he had the phone with him.

When I asked why he collected payments via her phone, he responded, “Women are generally good at managing finances and investing. She is my financial manager.”

But if he trusted her, why did he have to have her phone?

He chuckled and said, customers could not be trusted. He had to check the messages to confirm receipt and or ensure there were no sporadic reversals.

One year later, the business had wrapped up. He had not only entrusted his partner with the finances but also the title to his land. She took off with everything and fled with a younger lover.? As for the phone, she reported to the mobile provider that her phone was compromised and she needed to change her mobile money pins and then withdrew everything.? Before that, she had convinced him of an agricultural investment and he withdrew all his finances to pass to her so “they could seal the deal urgently.”

Unlike the female trader, the male one was unable to bounce back and sought solace in the bottle. The shop wrapped up to pay bills and or settle customers he owed/failed to deliver the orders.

When I asked him if he missed the warning signs, he answered, “My sister, love is blind and stupid. I found myself always apologizing for things I didn’t do. Including for the Russia/Ukraine war. I even apologise for her stealing”?

He laughed despite the situation and I too appreciate the comedy.

Is Giving People Small Loans Equal to Financial Inclusion?

I once encountered a farmer's Sacco that had successfully executed table banking. Literally every single week, loans and repayments would be done promptly with members sharing flowery success stories. They credited themselves for "empowering the community, creating jobs and businesses through financial inclusion."

Later, it transpired that the bulk of the loans had gone to settle bar bills for drunkard spouses. Some members would fill in forms indicating they were paying "school fees for their children" but in reality, the loan would go to finance the husband's or wife's lifestyle. One youth even borrowed money to purchase Valentine's flowers.

The youth would take the loan and give it to their boyfriend or girlfriend or take them out to eat in a fancy restaurant and then they would borrow "to pay off their partner's loans."

When they took the flowery story apart, about 1% only put loans into the farms.

One member told me, "No monitoring and evaluation questionnaire can unearth for you the complex social relations and financial management matters."

One has to immerse in the communities to know whether or not they are making an impact.

A farmer told me they always got the loan as they would use stories on women empowerment, procurement of agricultural inputs, school fees loan, etc, when in reality, he took a loan to finance dowry for his second wife.

Can Financial Literacy Help

Relationship and money issues are complex issues and affect the entire society.? Some couples have decided for instance to have one joint account where each contributes a fixed amount of money, either per month or year while they maintain a separate individual account to avoid complications. Some work as co-signatories in a business account. Others argue that couples should share everything and manage risks together.

I cant pretend to have answers as to what works but I paused the question back to the traders to gauge their reaction.

The male trader quipped, "Have you seen a cow that transforms to a lion? Even if you took me through a thousand literacy classes, I wouldn't have listened. Love can stupidly drain all senses."

While the female trader said, "I would have rejected the advise at first, but later maintained a secret account."

The questions sparked debates on the traders and one of them asked me, "By the way, who are you? Are you here on behalf of the government? At this rate, we might find ourselves paying for relationship tax after its quietly passed in the parliament."

I laugh and tell them, they are already taxed - the government taxes for wedding licences, clearance, licenced venues etc as well as divorce. Story for another day, as it opened up another heated debate.

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