Love is Love...Is it?

The slogan "love is love" has become increasingly popular in our culture, flippantly used to justify all kinds of relationships and emotions without logically considering the far-reaching consequences for society. Many of us were raised on a mental diet of what “love” looks like through the lens of Hollywood and Disney as well as the focus on emotions and self-gratification.

While on the surface it may sound inclusive and tolerant, this slogan is misleading and ultimately doesn't work as a guiding principle for relationships and our society.

"Love is love" is based on a narrow and subjective understanding of love. Love is often viewed as an emotion or feeling that we have little control over, rather than a choice that we make to act in the best interest of others. This subjective view of love ignores the important role that self-sacrifice, commitment, and responsibility play in healthy relationships. It also fails to recognize that true love often involves putting the needs of others before our own desires and impulses.

How does this line of thinking contradict true love as it is described in the sacrificial life of Jesus Christ and how can ministry leaders help those that have been negatively impacted by selfish relationships?

When we look at the New Testament narrative, we see that sacrificial love is not just an emotion, but a choice to put the needs of others before our own. Jesus himself demonstrated this kind of love when he willingly laid down his life for his friends (John 15:13). This sacrificial love is the kind of love that should guide our relationships, whether it be in marriage, parenting, or coworker relationships.

In marriage, sacrificial love means putting our spouse's needs before our own desires (ehem, men and sex). Paul wrote to the Ephesians, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). This means that husbands should be willing to sacrifice their own comfort, time, lustful desire, and even their own lives for the sake of their wives. This kind of love is NOT just an emotion, but a conscious, mature decision to prioritize the well-being of our spouse. How often have we heard, "She just doesn't make me happy anymore", or "I didn't think marriage would be this hard, I'm out!" Most, I argue, simply aren't willing to be sacrificial. Yes, there are dangerous relationships out there and we need to remove ourselves from those. I am not including those in this post.

Similarly, in parenting, sacrificial love means putting the needs of our children before our own desires. We see this demonstrated in the life of Jesus, who welcomed children and even rebuked his disciples for trying to keep them away (Matthew 19:13-14). As parents, we are called to lay down our own desires and priorities for the sake of our children's well-being. Perhaps you parent from a position of weakness based on your past traumas as a child. Your desire to give them the freedoms and material that you didn’t have may spin out of control because you want to live out the life you didn’t have through your children. Healing for us parents is necessary to be able to provide a loving relationship and point our children to a life of faith and service.

?For our coworker relationships, sacrificial love means being willing to put the needs of our colleagues before our own ambitions or goals. Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). This means being willing to help our colleagues when they are struggling, even if it means putting aside our own work. It means being willing to celebrate their successes (even if they get the promotion and you don’t) and support them in their failures. It means being willing to work together towards a common goal, even if it means sacrificing our own preferences or ideas.

"Love is love" ignores the role of objective moral standards in guiding our behavior. Love is not a free pass to do whatever we want but must be guided by moral and ethical principles that promote human flourishing and well-being. For example, while two consenting adults may love each other, if their relationship involves adultery, polygamy, abuse, or other behaviors that are considered immoral or harmful to society, it cannot be justified simply by the slogan "love is love." That is careless and sets up the next generation for failure, guided by a principle of “me first”.

"Love is love" may sound appealing and inclusive, but it ultimately falls short of the sacrificial love that is described in the New Testament. True love is not just an emotion or feeling, but a conscious decision to put the needs of others before our own desires. Whether it be in marriage, parenting, friendship, or coworker relationships, sacrificial love requires us to lay down our own ambitions, preferences, and even our lives for the sake of others. This is the kind of love that Jesus himself demonstrated on the cross, and it is the kind of love that should guide our relationships today. Many run away from Jesus' teaching because of bad "brand ambassadors" in Christian circles. If they only set aside for a moment their judgement and listened to the real truth communicated through those ancient but relevant pages, they would discover a new life of freedom and love.

As a culture we need to have our post-modern world informed by pre-modern answers. Look back into history to help our future.

As ministry leaders, developing a deep sense of understanding for how different individuals journey through their seasons of life will open up opportunities for you to provide the care, support, and resources needed. Don’t worry about which media channel you are going to reach them on. The need is real. They are looking for help.