Love life and be involved — just don’t be invested

There’s a paradox about being human—a missing piece of the puzzle, I say. But find that piece and achieve balance, and you’ll find freedom and certainty amid any storm or emotional turmoil.

First, let’s establish an assumption: you care. You care deeply about living well, making a difference, and being your best for yourself and others. If that’s true, here’s an idea that can transform your outlook:

We, as humans, are storytellers. We give meaning to life, looking back to learn and forward to plan. We can’t help not finding and creating meaning.

The stories we tell ourselves shape our experience. It's never the what that we do, but the how we tell ourselves about it. And one of the most impactful you can choose to tell yourself is this:

“Is this happening to me, or for me?”

‘To me’ feels like life is harsh—like we’re being punished or victimised. ‘For me’ suggests guidance and purpose and assistance, even if the reason isn’t clear yet.

Choose, as much as you can, 'for me'.

This isn’t about being objectively right, it’s not about getting lost in ‘magical thinking’. It’s about creating a narrative that shields against the emptiness of ‘to me’ thinking. The idea that everything happens ‘for me’ reframes challenges, offering hope and meaning.

Appreciation and gratitude will help orient you toward ‘for me’ thinking. They shift your focus to the good and anchor your attention in positivity. Cynicism and nihilism erode the spirit, but seeing the good builds resilience. When something terrible happens, or when loved ones suffer, assuming ‘for me’ gives you a lifeline in chaos. It reminds you that life is still guiding you, even if you don’t understand how.

While we care deeply, there are things we cannot control. Pain is sometimes the only teacher that leaves a lasting impression to wake us up. ‘For me’ thinking doesn’t sugarcoat life; it accepts that some lessons come through struggle: for us and for our loved ones.

Here is the paradox I mentioned in the beginning:?

Find a way of coming to terms with loving life and being fully involved while not allowing any challenge to disrupt your equilibrium. Loving and supporting others without doing life for them. Fundamentally, it’s about being fully involved in all of life, but not invested.

This lesson was crucial when I started teaching the Ishayas’ Ascension and found myself asked to be a spiritual adviser: I had to let go of being invested in whether anyone understood or changed. Giving had to be unconditional because outcomes inevitably differ from my hopes. People were going to do what they do regardless of how much I worried about them getting it.

The road is best walked unconditionally. Be unconditional in life but do not be attached when things inevitably don’t go as planned. Give unconditionally to others but don’t suffer if they do.

Mastering this balance doesn’t make you uncaring; it makes you effective. It’s the best way to help yourself and others.

Seth Godin was right: you do make a lousy lifeguard if you’re drowning.?

So—

I think these are the greatest lesson tough times have given me and prepared me for all tough times:

Connect with that inner sanctuary of presence, the place where you can stand tall, shelter from life’s storms, apply the greatest leverage to make a real difference, and live fully.

Find an attitude to all this that works.

Care, but watch when you care too much about the things you cannot control.

Let me know what you find as you apply this in the following days and weeks. I’d love to help out.

Go well,

Arjuna

PS.

If you’d like to read more on this, there’s a longer, more in-depth dive on my blog.

The link is in my bio, or just ask and I’ll get the direct link to you.