Love Is a Lie: Unmasking the Myth of Marriage

Good bye to all my failed relationships.

Ending this month of love with one I intend for it to be a transformational tool—where your mind is renewed, where a mindset shift occurs, and all the idols are shattered.

We have been sold a lie for far too long about relationships and marriages. The movies we grew up watching have programmed us to have a certain mindset. We now all have idols of what our ideal man or woman should be—the fairytales in the movies, the excitement, the kisses, and the hugs. You want to have that too, I know. We all fantasize about it. Even though, by our gender and ego, we sometimes say things we do not truly mean, deep down we long for that kind of love and perfection we see on screen.

IT IS ALL A LIE. A FALLACY.

Relationships—most especially marriage—is ministry. It is work. Serious work.

You should have heard the words when a man says, “I want to marry and settle down.” Such a wrong statement, born of a wrong interpretation of what marriage is about. Marriage, for a man or woman, is a call to ministry. God will bring this person who becomes an avenue for you to demonstrate that you truly embody all the nine fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). Trust me, you are going to know these fruits well—because the hurt from someone you love is going to hurt differently. They will annoy you in a way no one else will.

You will also hear questions from older folks when you reach a particular stage; permit me to use my local language, Yoruba: “Igbawo lo ma marry?”—which means, “When will you get married?” Nothing prepares us for the work and ministry that marriage is. It is a ministry you never retire from.

There’s no “settling down” in marriage or relationships. Maybe there is—if you get some hugs and kisses ?? (lol)—but I think those are mere perks.

Back on track: marriage is work. I am giving it more emphasis so it sticks. This idol we carry in our minds for years—the ideology that marriage is about happy endings, finding the love of your life, having a fine house, beautiful kids, and a smooth marriage—is a fallacy.

Many people like me never settle down with anybody because of that idol in our hearts; no one ever meets those sky-high expectations.

We are in marriage or relationships to be entertained, perhaps—but marriage is work. It is ministry. It is an opportunity to love, to express all of God’s gifts in you, to nurture and to care. To father her (provide and protect) if you are a man; to mother him (care and pray for) if you are a lady. And while doing that, you are also being transformed—to become more patient, meek, tolerant, gentle, and kind.

Finally, MARRIAGE and RELATIONSHIP are calls to work. They are ministry, they are service to another and to humanity, and they help you become the best version of yourself in Christ.

Ponder on the final scripture below before you leave.

Thank you for reading thus far—you did it.

Congratulations.

XO

Olaitan.

According to Eph 5. The Job Description for Women:

Wives submit and reference?

According to Eph 5. The Job Description for Men:

[25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

[26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

[27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

[28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

[29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

[30] For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

[31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.