A love letter to the ones holding everything + everyone else together (you know who you are)
Cassandra Lam
Somatic Healing Practitioner & Founder of Collective Rest | Leadership Embodiment Coach | Speaker & Facilitator with expertise in API identity & mental health ?
Hi community,
99.99% of the folks who enroll in?Rewriting Our Rest Stories ?are the linchpins of their communities.?
Here's what?I mean by that:
In short? They do a hell of a lot, often without extra help, compensation, or care.
Does this sound familiar??Does this remind you of anyone you know??Perhaps... you?
They’re a force to be reckoned with, for sure. They're survivors, fighters, and ridiculously creative beings, no doubt.?
But there is no one caring for them the way they care for everyone (and everything) else. Deep down, they may not even believe they need or deserve that same care. Or if they do, they don't know how to pour into themselves like that.
Layer on other identities such as [eldest child, first to be born away from the motherland, first to graduate high school or pursue higher education, first to speak English, etc.] and you likely have someone who looks outwardly successful, perhaps even aspirational or awe-worthy to many… but suffers greatly in silence.
They've spent years in boom-and-bust cycles. It's been rough, sure, but it also feels... normal? Maybe it’s all they’ve ever seen or known. Feeling overburdened with responsibilities, obligations, interests, passions, and relationships has had its costs… but DAMN it feels good to be needed or wanted. To belong. To feel important. To matter.
They’re lonely, exhausted, and unfulfilled. They’re emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually malnourished from giving away more than they receive or take in. They gaslight themselves, question whether they've suffered enough to earn rest, and snooze the notifications from their body because, "WTF am I supposed to do with that when this to-do list is incomplete?!"
But if they're honest, they can't shake the feeling that they lost something crucial and invaluable along the way: their values, their purpose, their ability to be present in their relationships, or their soul. They're aware of the gap between the life they thought they’d live and the life they actually are living.?
But the path forward isn’t straight-forward or?clearly defined like the capitalist-ladder-of-success their loved ones, bless their hearts, programmed into them from childhood: Get a good job. Put your head down. Be humble. Save money. Work harder that everyone else. Don't stick out too much.
All those years when they didn't have anyone else at their back taught them how to survive, but not how to sustain. They may wonder how/if they can change when they're been practicing a certain mindset, a certain orientation to survival, and coping a certain way for so long.
It's hard to open up to rest, even just the idea of it, when you've had to go without for so long. It's even harder when you don't have ANYONE in your life to model this liberatory rest life for you nonetheless teach, guide, or accompany you along the way.
The ambiguity, the unknowns, and the risks that come with learning how to rest… they can feel scary, perhaps even impossible to navigate alone without a roadmap.?But if taking this leap is important to you, I'm here to let you know that it IS possible.?In fact, this is what I designed Collective Rest to help us do!
Fun fact: The Rewriting?Our Rest Stories framework?I've designed, tested, and iterated over the years undergirds the?entire Collective Rest body of work! So when you attend a Community Rest Session or Collective Rest @ Work session, you're also experiencing the framework, just in a smaller dose than my 4-month program Rewriting Our Rest Stories!
What happens when the linchpin in a community feels safe enough to slow down?
What do you think happens when the linchpin of a community learns how to attune to their body, understands their needs in real-time, operates within their natural limits and capacity, and shows up with care and rest in mind?
Do you think they keep this healing to themselves?
Or do they become an ambassador of liberatory rest, sharing the practices and tools that have helped them widely, embodying the possibility of change to inspire imagination, and advocating for others to experience this, too?
In my experience, it's often the latter.
I've learned that if the linchpin is WILLING to get free, their journey helps so many others. Once they understand how their liberation from intergenerational cycles of burnout inevitably trickles out to benefit the causes and communities they care about, collective liberation is no longer a theoretical concept. It's a domino effect.
How do I know so much about the struggle to rest?
Well, I was once the person I described to you.
Back in 2018-2019, at the height of my #girlboss indoctrination era, I started hitting new, scary levels of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. I was building a small business centering community care programs for Asian women + femmes in America with my then-cofounder Karen, making less than $50K/year with no benefits living in one of the most expensive cities in the world: NYC.
There's a LOT more to that story, but during that time, I stumbled upon The Nap Ministry on Instagram. I remember feeling so refreshed hearing Tricia Hersey say, "Divest from capitalism. Go lay yo' ass down!" and liking every piece of content she produced: Instagram sermons, podcast interviews, blog posts, whatever I could get my hands on.
But also feeling feeling angry and frustrated. Reading and listening to her helped me get hyped about rest and reframe some harmful ideas I'd inherited from the world, but it wasn't transforming my experience of my body or how my nervous system worked.
领英推荐
The path from where I was – burned out as hell, struggling with grief that had morphed into serious numbness, disconnection from my soul, isolation due to shame and being #MissIndependent – to where Tricia appeared to be felt impossible. Just lying down didn't work for me. My mind, body, heart, and soul needed a scientific yet spiritual process, practices, tools, and a container to drop into.
Looking around, I didn't see anyone else offering a solution, so in desperation and guided by my ancestors, I started to create what I needed: something that could break the path from internalized oppression to liberatory rest down into a digestible curriculum that busy, burned out people can follow.
By being empirical in my own bodymind decolonization process, weaving what I knew about the nervous system under threat and how transformation occurs through a somatic lens, and letting my inner creative nerd come out, the RORS methodology emerged, leading to the first RORS program in Winter 2021, which 14 people enrolled in. I learned a LOT from that first cohort and over the years, as I've gathered data, received feedback/ideas, and deepened my knowledge, it's only gotten more robust.
That's how I have the confidence to say that it IS possible! This is backed by my ongoing rest journey and what I have heard/continue to hear from our alumni who've continued making progress 0-36 months after graduation. The real treat is seeing how the seeds the Winter 2021 cohort planted 3 years ago have blossomed later!
If you identify as an API woman or femme who's ready to admit, "Maybe this isn't working. Maybe I do deserve care, guidance, and support so I can practice rest and take better care of myself for my community," I hope you will consider enrolling in the Fall 2024 cohort!
You can sign up for a free 30-min Connection Call with me to discuss your rest journey and see if this is a good fit!
If this offering doesn't apply to you, I hope to see you at Thursday 8/22 Community Rest Session , which is also built atop the RORS framework! We'll engage in a creative reflection exercise to make some what is unconscious conscious and lie down for a guided rest practice exploring our relationship to the unknown.
Calling all tired API women + femmes for the Fall 2024 cohort!
Program Dates:?Sept 21st - Jan 25th
Rewriting Our Rest Stories is the FIRST and?ONLY 4-month group program unapologetically?centering the healing, liberation, and rest of?API women + femmes!
This program weaves community care principles throughout to create a resilient web that can hold us ALL as we journey towards liberatory rest. You'll learn frameworks to (un)learn hustle culture, develop somatic skills?to feel safe enough to slow down, and be part of a values-aligned community of practice that meets weekly.?
Upon graduation, you'll be welcomed into the Resties (short for Restie Bestie) Alumni?Village. Inspired by the village settings that once nurtured our ancestors, the?Resties Alumni Village is co-stewarded in collaboration with our alumni to help each other stay accountable and connected to our rest. Your enrollment in RORS?grants you lifetime access to our online community, group chat, and quarterly virtual gatherings.
In these times of crisis and change, I am calling on the next generation of API women + femmes who are ready to liberate themselves and their lineage from intergenerational cycles of burnout.?
Head to the website for enrollment details,?client testimonials,?program features,?pricing, FAQ, and more!
How Sylvia broke the cycle to normalize rest
I came into the RORS program during a time when burnout was my baseline and I knew I needed a change, but didn't know how to get out of the cycle I had been in for years.
I was initially hesitant to apply for the RORS program and thought that I should push it off and wait until the next round. But then I thought to myself that there is no better time than now and I wanted to heal my relationship with rest.
I am relieved and grateful that I made the decision to join the RORS program. I learned so much from Cassandra and my fellow Resties each session. Now I have the language, tools, and community to more comfortably and confidently honor my rest.
Sylvia N. RORS (Spring 2024)
Your Restie Bestie,
Cassandra Lam /?Lam Thùy Dung
Founder of Collective Rest