Love, Leo

(This Is What Empathy Looks Like)

Empathy.

It's what the Irish call a "fat word".

A word that means so much that it means nothing.

Like most buzzwords, we tend to say it more than we show it.

This is a short story that shows it through & through.

One I hope will stir up personal empathy stories that you'll be generous enough to share.

Two Good Men

This story is about 2 of my uncles.

Both good men.

Both gone.

Neither forgotten.

The Letter

The crux of this story revolves around a letter that Leo wrote to Karl.

A story with a backstory.

A Modern Day Job

Leo’s life story reads like that of Job from the Bible.

He knew the highest of highs.

And the lowest of lows.

Yet, Leo came through it all with his faith, grace, and sense of humor wholly intact.

It’s why we admire and celebrate him to this day.

Leo was the American Dream...

Who was born to the devout and saintly Josef & Katherina.

Who emulated their immigrant work ethic and integrity.

Who forged an unbreakable bond with his 3 siblings:

Hilda, Rosie and Joe, and their 5 dear cousins:

Moxie, Gussie, Karl, Siegfried and…

…the matriarch of our family, Ann.

All of them growing up together too happy to realize that they were poor……..Dirt poor.

From a Boy to a Man

As a boy, Leo, had his knuckles rapped a few times by the nuns at St. Fred’s.

Had his bell rung playing semi-pro football.

Studied at Marquette.

Served honorably in the Air Force.

And become a highly-respected and successful dentist.

Oh! He also married the lovely & creative Donna.

Soon raising their two kids whom they loved to the moon & back.

And if all that wasn’t enough, Leo was elected the president of the

prestigious Greater Milwaukee Dental Association.

Then, suddenly…

not long after his inauguration dinner,

and just five days before Christmas,

Leo & Donna’s beautiful, golden-haired

Kristin was cruelly taken by cancer.

She was only 17.

Seventeen!

Shamelessly… cancer then came for Donna, too.

Leo’s joyous spirit plummeted.

He fell into the abyss, and was drowning in sorrow.

Yet, somehow, someway, he & Mike found a way

to keep one another afloat.

Looking for an Answer?

Leo was left looking for an answer.

?For some, the answers to such deep questions come from above.

For others, the answer comes from within.

For Leo, however, the answer came in the mail.

Yes, the U.S. Postal Service was kind enough to deliver it right to his doorstep.

It was an overseas letter from the birthplace of Leo’s parents, Austria.

“You will be surprised to receive a letter from a foreign,” it read.

“The Foreign” was none other than Wolfgang W?gerbauer.

A then unknown-- but soon legendary-- Austrian relative aiming to reunite the long-separated Austrian & American branches of the family tree.

Well, not only did Wolfgang begin pulling our family back together, he helped Leo pull himself together as well.

On their first trip to Austria, Leo and Michael rediscovered their taste for life.

And for rouladen & auflauf.

Old world favorites Wolfgang’s Martha makes just like Leo’s Mama made.

Coming back, their trip to the old country had given Leo & Mike both full bellies and new hope.

Still...

Still, as he worked through his grief, Leo told Michael, that he would never marry again.

Fortunately, he was wrong.

A patient told Uncle that she had a smart, pretty, and very fun friend by the name of… Mary Lou.

Mary Lou was a school teacher who had also lost her beloved to cancer.

Leaving her without her husband to help raise their young triplet boys: Chris, Tim & Jeff.

All 3 of them now standing at an impressive 6’5” apiece. Thankfully, her wonderful sisters helped out, and she managed.

And Mary Lou & Leo hit it off.

But he still wasn’t quite yet sold on marriage.

On the other hand, Mary Lou was never going to be sold on being “just the girlfriend”.

?A point that she made perfectly clear.

Abundantly clear.

Clearer than clear.

Soooo clear that with a heavy heart, she broke things off with Leo.

Taking a trip to Italy with one of her sisters in-hand to clear her head.

At the famous Trevi Fountain, she closed her eyes, tossed a coin over her shoulder and made a wish.

It turned out to be quite the lucky coin for all of us.

Because, when Mary Lou returned home,

Leo had finally come to his senses, bent down on one knee, and put a ring on it.

Well played, Mary Lou!

Well played!

Together…

They made quite a life for themselves.

Traveled the world…

Laughed.

Loved.

And learned from one another.

They also took special joy in watching little Sam, Nate & Laurel grow into the delightful young people that they are today.

Those, my friends, are the “Cliff’s Notes” of Leo’s life.

While factually correct, they don’t come close to capturing his essence.

His letter to his cousin, Karl, does.

Karl

After decades together, my Uncle Karl & Aunt Peggy were living like

they were still on their honeymoon. Then, Peggy died.

Karl was crushed.

All too familiar with grief, Leo wrote his dear cousin a note of encouragement.

The Letter

Dear Karl,

I don’t know where you are in the grieving process, but I would expect that you would welcome any means possible to accelerate the progression.

I am afraid that I know of no such catalyst, but I do know that as you work your way through this very difficult adjustment, it is helpful to receive encouragement from those who have also traveled this road.

After Kristin died, I can recall a number of people saying: I can just imagine what you are going through. Well, the truth is, that unless you have been through it, you CAN’T imagine what one is going through.

That is why I shall never forget the words of a patient whose son was fatally struck by a car years before Kristin’s death. When he reached me at the wake, he simply said, “It gets better…It. Gets. Better.”

I clung to those words desperately, and I knew that I could trust the veracity of the message because of the source. Those 3 simple words were warmly embraced years later when Donna died.

?Once again, their consoling effect was an oft-used balm in time of need.

I hope you find those “three little words” to be a faithful companion.

?Love,

?Leo

Powerful Words

Compassionate.

Empathetic.

Elegant & powerful….

It’s just beautiful…

A beautiful letter.

A beautiful gesture.

One that inspires us to reach out to those whose situations we have personal understanding.

And share our experiences when we it will help.

Here's to...

Leo.

Karl.

And empathy.

Here's to the future!

Navigating the Fustercluck

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