Love Hurts… When You Do THIS!

Picture this: Two newly coupled young adults awkwardly fumbling through their first Valentine’s Day together. The guy is wearing far too much axe body spray and the girl hopes her overactive pits aren’t showing through her perfectly manicured outfit…

They walk into the Macaroni Grill and are immediately lost in a sea of people anxiously waiting for their table.

The restaurant is packed like a can of sardines. People nearby are able to pick up on one another's vibes - whether or not they intend to share them.

They hesitantly put their names down at the stressed hostess stand for a table and then elbow their way through the masses to find a place to sit.

The air feels thick from all the people in line - it’s suffocating. And they search for a sliver of space to sit….

And wait…in silence. Because the young man hadn’t yet learned how to talk to pretty girls.

Two hours later, they finally got a table.

Much to their disappointment, the food was not worth the wait. C+ at best. By that point, all they wanted was to get out of there ASAP.

??That is the tale of my first Valentine’s Day with MaryBeth 20 years ago! Yes, we are that old and have been together that long.

At the time, I was suffering from all these stories in my head about how badly I messed up this special day and that there was no way MaryBeth would ever go out with me again.

We left feeling miserable.

Why?

Because we chose to do the things society expected us to do. And those experiences didn’t align with our values.

MaryBeth was my first “real” girlfriend and I wanted to do what I thought I was supposed to do on Valentine's Day. And for a fresh-faced 19-year-old college kid, that meant going to dinner at a “fancy” Italian restaurant and getting her jewelry and chocolates as gifts.

It turns out she didn’t want any of that! But that’s what I was programmed to think Valentine’s Day was all about.

It is what I thought I “should” do because I saw it on TV or that is what someone else told me to do. Ultimately, we both hated it.

Why do we do things just because we think we are supposed to?

The following year, I was so happy we were still together and we decided that we would never go out or get what felt like superficial gifts to us on Valentine’s Day again.

Instead, we reflect on what we love about our partnership and cook ourselves “our special meal” - a grass-fed organic filet mignon with a mushroom cream sauce and asparagus.

Why did we scale back from the traditional scene?

Because that activates our shared values! We love to cook, make delicious, high-quality food, and invest meaningful time with just the two of us. It activates our shared values of connection, wisdom and simplicity.

Don’t get me wrong, if you love the traditional route - awesome! No judgment. There isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to celebrate. There's just a way that feels really yummy from the inside and ways that feel like checking a box for Instagram from the outside.

Just because it’s not our jam doesn’t mean it’s not yours.

That is what is so awesome about living in alignment with your values. Your values are unique. They make you, you!

And your shared core values with your partner can be the strongest foundation of your relationship. They act as a compass to help you navigate all your relationship challenges and help you make decisions with ease and grace.

When you activate your shared core values with your partner, happiness and joy will follow.

Want to make this Valentine’s Day the best with your partner or bestie? Check out these four steps on how to create an experience that activates your shared core values:

1. Identify your core values.???Have each of you take our free core values quiz to uncover your?unique core values. ?
2. Identify your shared core values.??? After you have your values profile, see which core values you share with your partner and write them all down. ?
3. Define that shared value. ???Instead of hoping you’re speaking the same language, clearly define what the #1 shared value means to both of you. ?
4. Activate your shared core values.?Take your shared core values and plan how to activate them together this Valentine’s Day.? For example, if you both have a shared core value of creativity, maybe you want to take an art or cooking class together. Or, if you have the shared core value of adventure, maybe you want to try something new out of your comfort zone.

What I know for sure is that when you activate your shared core values together with your partner, that is a recipe for success. Doing the things you love to do with the person you love brings you closer together. It strengthens your relationship.

It’s that simple and that complex. So please meet yourselves where you are at and take it one step at a time.

If you want extra oomph and sage guidance to make it happen - check out our 2x2 partners coaching session and course specials in the details below!

So tell me: what is the one thing you can do with your partner this Valentine’s Day and beyond to activate your shared core values?

Start there and see what possibilities arise.

When you are ready, here are two ways we can help you.

???Knowing and Living Your Values Course:?Want a more authentic connection with your partner? Give the gift of understanding what makes you come alive and what drains you - especially in your relationship. You’ll even get a special “love lens” reflection guide to supercharge your life together. Join 7,500+ Students here. 50% off! Only $97 (normally $194 for two)?

??Couples Alignment Coaching: Ready to experience your partnership in a much deeper way? Work with us 2x2 to ignite more well-being, love, and fun in your relationship through your shared core values. We’ve coached dozens of couples to amplify their communication, connection, and boundaries so they can live their best lives together and apart. Click here to learn more and invest in this life-changing gift now. 50% off! Only $999 (normally $1,998)