Love: A Good Medicine -12

Love: A Good Medicine -12

Can Love Be Measured?

Can you take a ruler, a measuring tape, a thermometer, or a sphygmomanometer and measure the amount of love one has for the partner?

In 1958, psychologist Harry Harlow suggested that “so far as love or affection is concerned, psychologists have failed in their mission. The little we know about love does not transcend simple observations, and the little we write about it has been written by poets and novelists.” (Reference 1)

Researchers have proposed a number of different theories to understand the nature of love. (Reference 2). Helen Fisher is the most prominent among them. I will share her ideas on love separately later on. Many have even attempted to devise ways to measure the instinctive emotion of love. However, social psychologist Zick Rubin of Harvard was one of the first to develop an empirical instrument (not a physical or a chemical one) designed to measure love. (Reference 3)

Rubin, based on his observations, has concluded that ‘love’ is made up of three components: (i) passion (attachment): the need to be close to the other person; (physical contact and acceptance/approval are its constituents); (ii) caring: valuing the other person’s happiness and needs as much as your own; and, (iii) intimacy: sharing private and personal thoughts, ideas, feelings, needs, desires with the other person.

Is there a difference between ‘liking’ and ‘loving’? (Reference 4) Yes, there is. ‘Loving’, as I said, according to Rubin is a mix of passion (attachment), caring, and intimacy – which may be present in different proportions in different love-relationships or even at different times between the two partners. ‘Liking’, on the other hand, is a cocktail of closeness, admiration, warmth, and respect.

Rubin developed two sets of questions: one to measure ‘liking’ and the other for ‘loving’, and administered those first on 198 undergraduate students and conducted a, what is called ‘factor analysis’ with the answers. Based on the results of the ‘factor analysis’ which was meant for ‘screening’, Rubin identified 13 questions for ‘liking’ and another set of 13 for ‘loving’ that he firmed up as reliable measure of these two basic emotional activities which are cornerstones of human existence.

I’m sharing with you some examples which are somewhat similar to some of the questions used in Rubin’s ‘liking’ and ‘loving’ scales. (Reference 5)

Liking Measurement:

1. I feel that…………….is a very stable person.

2. I have confidence in …………….’s opinions.

3. I think that ……………..can adjust well with anyone and any situation.

4. ……………….is one of the most likeable persons I know.

Loving Measurement:

1. I feel strong feelings of attachment towards…………….

2. I like it when …………….confides in me.

3. I would do almost anything for………………

4. I do not take…………..’s faults, lapses and shortcomings seriously.

How to score: For each item, you have to rate your response on a scale from ‘1’ (not true) to ‘9’ (definitely true).

It is important to remember that Rubin’s concept of ‘loving’ does not apply just to romantic love. It can apply to love that develops in many inter-personal relationships including those between members of the same family, or kin and friends.

[References:

1. H. F. Harlow, “The nature of love”, American Psychologist, 1958, Vol. 13, No. 12, pp. 673-685.

2. N. D. Kapusta, K. S. Jankowski, V. Wolf et al, “Measuring the capacity to love: Development of the CTL Inventory”, Frontiers of Psychology, 2018, Vol. 9, p. 1115.

3. Zick Rubin, “Measurement of Romantic Love”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1970, Vol. 16, pp. 265-273.

4. Kendra Cherry, “Rubin’s Scales of Liking and Loving”, very well mind, 10th April, 2022.

5. “Rubin’s Love and Liking Scale pdf”]