About Love
Young adults crave heart-to-heart dialog about romance.
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not. Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever – only, nothing is eternal. Love is a great master. Kindness in words creates confidence. You never lose by loving. Only one life, that soon is past.
What makes it difficult to talk with their kids about sex, love, and intimate relationships?
Why it’s vitally important that they do
How to get those conversations started.
Each person should feel more at ease saying “I love you,”
Your kids have been “students” in the “classroom” of your home since the day they were born, absorbing your lessons about love simply by being there, observing you and feeling you, every day. To be sure, you were not the only one shaping their views on love.
Their coaches, their leaders, their peer group, and the media all taught them about romantic relationships as well.
But, right here right now, you are well-positioned to help your young adult sift through all of the messages they are carrying about love so that they can distill the truth of who they want to be in the love stories they are now creating for themselves.
If this kind of conversation feels difficult for you, here are some things to keep in mind as you open the door to a new kind of conversation:
It is your kid’s job (not yours) to figure out what they learned from you.
Just like it is your job to figure out what you learned about love from your parents… and on and on up the family tree we go!
What is your job?
Your job is just to show up with a willingness to engage with them, soul to soul.
Your job is to give them curious, open, and non-judgmental time and space with you so they can wrestle with what they believe about love and why they believe it.Your young adult must figure what patterns/beliefs/attitudes/behaviours they want to carry forward into their own love lives and the patterns/beliefs/attitudes/behaviours they want to leave behind.
Don’t waste your time feeling guilty about what they learned or didn’t learn from you.
As parents, we do the best we can with the tools we have at the time we have them. Your kids will learn as much (if not more) from the stuff that you have labeled as your “mistakes” as they will learn from the stuff you have labeled as your “successes.”
Ultimately, it isn’t even your business what your kids learn from you. Your business is to stand in the truth of your story, warts and all, knowing there is no such thing as perfection and that love is messy.
Your willingness to be authentic—confused, imperfect, and trying hard—will give your kid permission to do the same in their own love lives. That’s the best we can ever do anyways!
Don’t give advice.
Focus instead on deep listening, reflecting back what you heard, and offering empathy.
There are two reasons why this is your best course of action. Firstly, parenting a young adult means accepting a change in role from boss to consultant.
Conversations about love are a great arena in which you can practice your new role. Also, when it comes to love, there is very little that is black and white, and there is a tremendous amount that is shades of gray.
At the end of the day, you really don’t know what is “right” for your young adult’s love life, but your humble and curious presence will help them distill their own truths.
You can share your observations, your concerns, and your hopes. You can share your own experiences, but remember that you are on your journey and your adult child is on their journey.
Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate. this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including
Thank you …If you must give advice, ask first if he or she is open to some feedback. This shows that you respect the boundary between the two of you.
Speak from love not fear.
So often when we talk to our kids about relationships, all we talk about is sex. And so often when we talk about sex, all we talk about is what can go wrong (sexual assault, STIs, unintended pregnancy, and porn addiction).
These conversations are important but they are fear-based. Find a way to talk to your kids from a place of love, hope, and optimism about all of what is possible when it comes to romantic relationships.
Keep doing your own work.
Your love story is continuing to unfold and that is true whether you are in year 30 of your marriage or newly divorced. Your own commitment to loving bravely will model the same for your young adult.
Toward that end, what would help you feel more comfortable talking about love with your young adult?
Do you need to read books about relationships in order to broaden your own knowledge base?
Do you need to start therapy (individual or couple) in order to feel more at peace with your experiences?
Want to add word or two?
We all appreciate a bit of bling every once in a while, but it’s the everyday thoughtful actions and romantic gestures that really add up to long-lasting love..
A smile comes to your face every morning as you enter the kitchen and see that your husband has taken the time to empty the sink before leaving for work.
And over the past 25 years, you’ve learned that a perfect rose from your garden means more than any store-bought bouquet.
Your comment ….?
Budding romantic relationships are often laced with as much anxiety as excitement: There’s the pounding heart before a first kiss, the internal calculation to share confidences and intimate revelations, the nervousness about meeting a new partner’s family.
Perhaps no early relationship milestone is as imbued with meaning—and trepidation—as the first utterance of “I love you.” The fear of no reciprocation after saying it is enough to prompt many people to hold back.
If one person is feeling an intense emotion and the other is not, then declaring love can create a moment of truth for a relationship, where reservations have to be discussed.
And because saying it flags not only an intense emotion but also one’s level of commitment to a relationship, experts find that the phrase is loaded with different signifiers, depending on who says it first and when, as well as how one reacts to hearing it.
It may not only be adaptive instincts that undergird expressions of love.
“I love you” first for a cultural reason—the expectation that they take the lead in relationships. They’re the ones traditionally assumed to ask for an initial date, buy the ring, and propose marriage, so it makes sense that they should also take the plunge with a statement of commitment.
Men believe that women need to be reassured of an emotional connection
As a relationship progresses, each person should feel more at ease saying “I love you,”
The meaning of the phrase “I love you” also changes over time. After starting as an expression of intense emotion, it evolves into a commitment to keep engaging in behaviours that benefit and strengthen the relationship.
So when should you first say it? There is no hard-and-fast rule.