Love in Dark Times

When a domestic violence victim refuses to leave their abuser, the answer is love.

In our shared world, where unwanted shadows of the spectrum of domestic violence lurk in the corners of many relationships... I was shocked to see that in my home state of Florida, in 2020, there were 106,515 crimes of domestic violence reported to Florida law enforcement agencies, resulting in 63,217 arrests (source). The question here of how to support a victim who refuses to leave their abuser is a tricky one. Yet, as I’ve reflected on my own relatable experiences, there exists a simple truth: Love is the most potent weapon we wield in the battle against domestic violence.

Domestic violence, with its chilling grip, violates the sanctity of the home and leaves behind wounds that cut to the core of trust and security in families. It includes this spectrum of abuses, not just limited to physical violence, but may include things like:

• Emotional manipulation
• Verbal degradation
• Financial control
• Sexual coercion

Picture an ominous presence, its tendrils extending into every corner of a victim's life… and as the victim descends into that darkness, they struggle with fear and dependence. Every so often, they get to see the light in you and your love. They experience kindness, feel heard, and are treated with the love they so deeply crave.

Drawing inspiration from watching a recent Joyce Meyer YouTube episode I watched, I'm reminded of the inspiring capacity of the human heart to heal. Joyce’s unwavering compassion transcended the shackles of her own trauma…

Listening to Joyce or reading Jamie Kern Lima’s amazing book Worthy and hearing about her journey to personal and professional growth… these are all lessons that resonate deeply with my own experiences. Hurting people do tend to hurt people close to them, and as a survivor and someone who loves survivors who stay, being there for a text, a hug, a call, a visit, it all matters to the person who hasn’t left their abuser.

Maybe they’re protecting what they believe is someone who can change, maybe they’re too scared to leave, maybe they don’t realize it’s a pattern, maybe they’re being threatened, or maybe it’s a financial thing (each victim stays for a reason of their own). Anyone who has consumed any crime documentary or knows these stories firsthand just knows that these things are happening all around us.

The scope of the problem is so vast and so wide that chances are, you love someone right now who either has experienced or knows someone who has experienced domestic violence.

In the face of such profound suffering, the temptation to intervene forcefully may be strong, I get it. But it's in the quiet moments of connection, in a hug, a wave, and the warmth of a smile, that we wield the greatest power.

For it's through love that we can dismantle the walls that divide us or make us afraid, and build bridges of empathy that span the chasm between pain and healing.

So, when confronted with the heartbreaking reality of a loved one trapped in an abusive relationship, let us choose love. Let us wrap them in the embrace of our understanding and stand by their side as they navigate the treacherous waters of liberation, for it's through love that we can shine a light into the darkest corners of despair and illuminate a path toward freedom and redemption.

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In times of need, those touched by domestic violence can find solace in the National Domestic Violence Hotline. This compassionate hotline offers round-the-clock support, resources, and guidance to victims and survivors of domestic abuse. Whether through a confidential call to 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or a visit to their website at www.thehotline.org, individuals are embraced with tailored assistance, from safety planning to legal advocacy and counseling services. It's a beacon of hope, extending a hand of warmth and understanding to those in search of healing and empowerment.