Love: The Biggest Leadership Gap Today

Love. Why is this such a scary thing to talk about? Why do we make it so big? Love is something we want, cherish, and see as tremendously valuable, but yet we withhold it from the people we spend the most time with. We talk about loving our family, friends, and material possessions, but not our teammates, direct reports, and definitely not our bosses! I love immensely, and even I have a healthy amount of fear arise when I think about intentionally loving people I work with or lead. With that being said, I think that being a loving leader is critical to helping the people you lead to learn, grow, and perform. 

Lost in Love

Perhaps love is hands-off because it can’t be fully defined and everyone has a different interpretation of it. The definition of love I use has been slightly adapted from M. Scott Peck’s timeless classic “The Road Less Traveled.” To me, love is “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s growth.” Or in short...

Love is the extension of oneself to nurture the growth of another.

Love is touchy, and with an awareness of that, I want you to know that I hold this definition lightly. If you disagree, how do you define love? I share this because this definition has transformed the way I perceive love, how I love myself, and how I love others. I believe that if leaders practiced love in this way, they would transform, and so would everyone around them.

Love in Practice

If love is extending one’s self for the nurturing of one’s own or another’s growth, the ways in which you can love are endless! This is why I love this proposed definition, as it can easily be applied to any facet of your life, especially leading others. In fact, leaders are loving all of the time, they just might not be aware of it. 

Here are just a few ways leaders love others:

1. Deeply listening: Listening with your entire body, not just for content, but for who the person is, what they want, and the energy you both share.
2. Being Curious: Asking powerful, thought-provoking, insight generating questions that go beyond the surface and take you both deeper and forward.
3. Sharing Perspective: Providing advice or guidance based on what they want and the experiences you’ve had that may add value.
4. Being Vulnerable: Sharing the important parts of yourself that may have previously been reserved for only the closest relationships in your life. 
5. Create Space: Take a step back and allow those you love to come forward, rise up, and lead themselves!

This shortlist is just the beginning, but I’m sure you can imagine all of the ways in which any one of these might be expressed in your leadership.

The Power of Love

Being a loving leader helps you and those you lead grow and expand. The extension of oneself for the growth of another. For me, the definition of love brings about an image of one person reaching for another’s hand to lift them up. From this image, you can see that when you extend yourself, you stretch, expand, become bigger and stronger, and so does the person you’re loving.

It will also help you build trust, as those you love & lead will see and feel your investment in them and will be grateful for it.

It will energize you and all those around you! Love is fulfilling and energizing. Those you love & lead will be more motivated to move forward with the things they want and need to do.

I do not think that love is selfish OR selfless. Loving is both selfish AND selfless. When you truly love, everyone benefits. It is filling your cup and others at the same time. 

What’s next?

Love is a big word with a lot of meaning. Before you go around telling all of your teammates that you love them, I encourage you to silently practice loving. Love your teammates, love your boss, love your clients, and see what happens.

I challenge you to answer the following: 

• Who can you deeply listen to this week?
• Who can you get really curious about? 
• Who can you provide guidance to? 
• What new part of yourself would you like to share?
• How can you create a space for others to learn, grow, and lead?

If you take a moment to answer these questions, you’ll have more than enough love to give this week and beyond. 

Your Turn

What is one way you're going to commit to loving those you lead?

Let us know in the comments!

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to check-in with yourself.

• What was it like to practice love in this way?
• What do you notice in others? 

With love & leadership, Kvon.

Kvon Tucker is a Leadership and Executive Coach, who helps leaders expand by first learning to lead consciously. Through this purposeful work, they transform their organizations and all those impacted by them.

He has spent a third of his life dedicated to helping leaders, teams, and organizations learn, adapt, and expand. He has worked for Netflix and Amazon, where he helped leaders across the globe adapt to hyper-growth through experiential learning and coaching. Today, he heads up Manager and Leadership Development for Google's Staffing organization.

Follow Kvon Tucker For More | Let's Connect: [email protected]

Other articles I've written about #coaching and #leading: Why The Best Leaders Are The Biggest Softies | 2020: A Year of Leading & Living Consciously | Presence | Coaching for Life Purpose | Curiosity | Gratitude