For the Love of Being You

For the Love of Being You

When you experience narcissistic abuse your personality splits into your authentic self and your representative, your mask. It is clinically called Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder, is a complex psychological condition caused by many things. These include severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse). It's also known as split personality disorder. Reference?

Interestingly there exists a normalized version of this that may lead to a mental health issue over time for BIPOC in general but especially Black women. The first capture of this phenomenon was in the 1903 book, “The Souls of Black Folk,” written by the late civil rights leader W.E.B. DuBois spoke about Black people surviving by highlighting the need for Black Americans to recognize their double-consciousness, or the two parts of their identity: their Blackness and their “Americanness” — or how they were viewed by white Americans. DuBois talked about double-consciousness, and that’s what code-switching is now,” Dr. Barlow adds. “You had to, for your survival, exhibit that double-consciousness.” Reference Jodi Ann Burrey talks about showing up as your “authentic self” at work as a Black woman is the same as not wearing a custom to a Halloween party in her TED talk The Myth of bringing your full authentic self to work.

This is the beginning of generational trauma or taught imposter syndrome. Because you are always proving to the world that you are someone you are not. And I say all of this to say that the greatest form of narcissistic abuse that occurs is institutionalized racism. Although the “official” dots have not been connected in the American Psychological Association publication created on September 1, 2021 and last updated January 24, 2023 Psychologists are working to develop more effective ways of promoting Black men’s mental health

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“Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper. Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper while keeping a distance from my brother because I don’t trust him further than I can see him. It’s believing the cops don’t care about you. It’s learning how not to doubt yourself because when you’re born everyone else already does.”

—Poet Prentice Powell, written following the fatal police shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, in 2014

“We should place less emphasis on whether Black men are resistant to therapy,” said Stevenson, “and more on understanding the contexts in which they already feel comfortable talking about their feelings and traumas. If a Black man is able to find a treatment that is culturally responsive, that he understands, and that embraces the uniqueness of his difference, he is more likely to use that service.”

And my work is to heal the souls of Black women because they are the pillars of society, the Black crumbling family. As you can see it is a cellular recalibration that has to happen. In my latest book, Detached Love: Transforming Your Heart So That You Can Transform Your Mind, I bring attention to the mitochondria in the thighs. What is interesting about our thighs is that it is the perfect balance of fat and muscle cells, adjacent to our reproductive organs where we not only create but then for up to ten months support, nourish and grow our babies as we experience what we experience and live during conception, pregnancy and nourishing and nurturing postpartum. So now I begin with the sexual/spiritual part of that to rewire who you are on a cellular level. The cellular level being the authentic self. This authentic self occurs in human form when you have a baby although you are oblivious to that until you see the evidence in their personalities. Then you begin to “discipline” them in the way you were disciplined to create them as code-switching palatable beings to fuel the institutions in place which you yourself abhor. The cognitive dissonance of parenting that way baffles you especially when you have daughters. Girls are born strong willed reflectors and you have a choice in every interaction to listen or to ignore, squash and flattened them the way you were. Or to rise above and in your listening hear the echo of your own soul and reparent yourself while reparenting your daughter.?

What I am saying is to heal yourself you must allow the two Selves to merge through the nervous system, muscle recalibration and the breath all bridges to our soul Self. I wish I could give a simple formula but here I will explain with terms you may have heard. You breathe and the air or wind helps your rivers of plasma, blood and mucous to move in your body. These waters are your electrical system which fires your nervous system and circulatory system. Your inner fire is cultivated in your digestive system and connects to your heart energy affecting your capacity to love or close the heart completely. For example, people with diabetes usually also have high blood pressure. The highest demographic of people with these conditions are Black women. In Unani Tibb imbalance is caused by not honoring the six lifestyle areas (environment, sleep and wakefulness, physical activity and rest, retention and elimination, mental activity and rest and of course food and drink) according to your body type. So in my Four Mind Alignment I guide women back to themselves on a cellular level. They get to create a sustainable system of self-nurturing, loving themselves truly from the inside out, releasing, eliminating and alchemizing toxins and toxic ways of being while merging the authentic self and created representative. That results in them regaining balance, mental and emotional clarity and the ability to exist fully expressed as her true authentic self. Simply put, for the Love of being you.

You can begin with my 29 Days of Intimacy calendar on my website. Intimacy, transparency and vulnerability with self is where you must begin.?

Cordelia Gaffar, the Ultimate Joy Goddess and? CEO of Cordelia Gaffar Enterprises, is a bestselling author, speaker, and host of The Free to be Show podcast.

Cordelia's journey led her to rediscover many ancient body wisdom mindfulness practices, intertwining from aboriginal cultures across the globe. The result? The Four Mind Alignment (TM), unveiled in November 2022 after two years of client studies and five years of research. I help women of faith to consider pleasure as a possibility resulting in you being multi-orgasmic. Multi-orgasmic aging is that regenerative enlightenment that only cums from within so that you can truly love yourself from the inside out, releasing, eliminating and alchemizing toxins and toxic ways of being while merging the authentic self and created representative. That results in you regaining balance, mental and emotional clarity and the ability to exist fully expressed as her true authentic self.

She offers Embodiment Experiences in intimate retreats, inviting women to a journey of self-discovery and replenishment. Cordelia is a former CFO of a tech company and veteran home educator to her six children, three of whom have graduated going on to serve in the US Navy and become entrepreneurs in their own right. Subscribe to the Free to Be Show as we explore joy, enlightenment, and the transformative power of Cordelia Gaffar's wisdom.