Love is all you need, Part III
This is the last part of the three part series. The first part gave an overview of different types of love, not only the romantic love that we understand as love today. In the second part we dived into love languages, and how to speak and understand all five of them. The extra part was telling the people around how important they are. Now it is time to dive into action.
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
-Brené Brown-
We usually have a tendency to be unhappy and blame others, when things go in different directions than our desires. Here is a short list to remind yourself, when you find yourself in this place. The list applies to everyone; the child next door, your spouse, and the person in the grocery store who bumped you with the shopping cart.
- Everyone is doing their best
- Everyone is suffering (even: the suffering is equal, the reasons vary)
- Mindreading is really hard (No-one can ever truly know, what is going on in the other persons world)
The following questions are the next step: Was I clear enough? Was there a chance of misinterpretation and misunderstanding? Did the other person understand how important this issue was for me?
Everyone is seeing the world differently, through their own goggles. The way you see and feel about the world is as unique as the person next to you. When your plans and reality don't match, maybe the instructions were not good enough. Something in this person's unique worldview made it hard for them to understand your meaning. Expressing your frustration and anger will probably lead to the other person feeling the same. Once again, when the other person is trying and doing his best, the negative feedback is not as constructive as you would want it to be.
Instead, you can try to be curious. This is not an easy task, and at the same time it is the most important. In order to avoid the same mistakes and to create a more loving and understanding environment, staying curious makes a huge difference. Take your time to calm down, if needed. Find the place inside yourself, where you want to understand the other person's view of the world. Only after you are ready, start the conversation with them.
Here your job is to be curious and really try to understand and see their point of view. Asking questions and really listening to the answers are the main tools. What kind of goggles are they having? What can you learn? And knowing this, how can you make your communication more clear and understandable for this person? Beautiful way to put it "the goal of your listening is to make the other person suffer less".
At the end, I want to leave you with a gift and a challenge:
Challenge: From now on, apply at least one of these messages daily to your life. Choose freely where (home, work, commuting, swimming hall...) and to whom (your child, neighbor, stranger in gas station, yourself...).
Reach out if you feel like it. I'll make time for you.
-Sanna-