Struggling to find your fun? Try getting lost

In the past couple of weeks I have found myself lost where I live, and on both occasions I have been reminded of the magic that can come with being lost and discovering new places, different routes and as a result an often surprisingly fresh new lens on a place.?

Periodically someone will reach out to me on my Instagram channel seeking a radical fun overhaul in their life. It is usually a woman, deep in the frazzlehood and being pulled deep into the weeds of adult life by the heady concoction: abandoned self, lost identity, parent guilt and stagnation by mundainity. Yikes. We’ve all been there in some form. Once a lack of joyful moments has been established as something they proactively want to work on, things can get off to a jittering start. My DMs throw up the same challenges - what even is fun for me any more? Where do I start if I want to play again? Why can’t I think of anything I like? When faced with this realisation a lot of people respond in a very adult and very unplayful way - they try to find a ‘hobby’. A hobby might be play but I think it’s slightly different from the everyday playfulness I try and help people tap into. A hobby is usually something you do over and over again, perhaps you even become quite skilled at it and pass amateur status. It might be done routinely, in a certain order or manner. You may enter a state of flow with it. I might bring you a sense of calm and inner peace. And yet if you’re asking for my help with getting more play into your life I will never advise you to find a hobby. Why? Because I think whilst it may work out for some, for others it might lead to more overwhelm and possibly some disappointment. To truly access the magical quality of playfulness, something we all possess as humans but not all of us access, we need to find a variety of ways we can experience everyday life. A way to look for fun in the mundane, to use creativity to open up everyday possibilities and to bring wonder and awe into our worlds wherever we might be. And this is why my go to suggestions for those in the depths of play-deprivation is to go and get lost.?

There is a good body of published research that tells us why family holidays are good for kids’ development and for parents too. When we’re on holiday (which by the way doesn’t mean exotic expensive travel but that all parties are switched off from other duties, focussed and fun and the purpose is to explore and find new things), two systems in the brain are triggered - the ‘play system’ and the ‘seeking system’ both of which can go unused at home. Without getting too sciency what these systems do is make us feel both relaxed but focussed and intent on discovery. Essentially we’re in ‘explore’ mode and science seems to suggest that it’s very good for us. From a personal perspective I don’t need science to back that up, there is beauty and joy in discovering people and places, it feels very central to our human nature. That and being outside, exploring and experiencing the world around us. When we do this we don’t often know where we are going, we might be going down streets for the first time in our existence, seeing with our eyes things we’ve never seen before. It’s this sensory stimulation in the novel that I think we can try and manufacture in our lives. Getting lost as a local is one way to do this.?

My recent experiences of being lost have very mundane backstories, my first outing involved me attempting to get a grumpy toddler to have a nap. He took the bait and as I headed off on my usual loop of a nature park I noted a track I’d never taken before, I had a quick look on the map to see if it was possible to follow it and off I went. I actually couldn’t believe where I landed up. I had no idea it went to a pond that’s also one of my walking routes. I felt like I’d somehow hacked the map and morphed from one walking route to the other. I texted a photo to my husband immediately to share my discovery because it truly was THAT exciting, it was Captain Cook energy but in a place we’ve lived for 7 years. My second experience was giving more tourism vibes. I had the dullsville task of taking my car for an MOT and having to wait around for an hour. It was in a part of town that I often drive through but have never really walked around. I decided to take a little stroll and look for something to eat as I was conveniently hungry and needed to eat before a meeting. I did not consult a map and just followed my nose before arriving at a fantastic sushi bar I’d never eaten in. Sushi at 4pm on a Tuesday. What a treat. For a moment, with a pinch of imagination, I really did feel like I was on holiday.?

These mundane moments are my kind of play breeding ground and are what I am referring to when I share my #liveplayfully philosophy - I’d love everyone to have a hobby they feel passionate about that brings them joy, but even that is not a guarantee of fully unleashing your play potential, something that can really impact everyday life, not just in the moments set aside for play. If you can turn the dull into an opportunity, if you can be a local who can get lost and make an adventure to get home, that is the true art of playfulness and one that will be most useful. Because we can’t always live for the ‘big fun’ moments, th holidays, the big occasions, the special events and so on, most of the time, everyday mundanity is all we have, and playfulness is a magic key which can turn often turn it into something so much more.?