Lost My Faith & Found My Calling

When I was a kid, God was simple.

I was a Christian. Just like everyone else I knew.

When mom asked me last week, I didn't even know how to answer.

Shepherd with no sheep.

I was supposed to be a fucking pastor.?

The counseling, hours of solitary studying, deep philosophical debates, conferences, retreats, public speaking, and all the bbq invites you could want - it's the perfect job!

I got the degree, did the training, hell - I'm even ordained.?

Just one little problem…

I stopped believing in God.

At least the traditional view I was taught as a child.

The thing about seminary is it forces you to do something most Christians never have to - actually read the Bible.

Any Seminary worth the name is like a test of faith.

You will either leave grounded firmly in your faith or your leave as an atheist.

I was the latter.

I'm not thr only one either - some studies say as many as 45% of seminary graduates reported the same.?

I can think of 5 classmates that are pastors to this day -20 years later - that started their careers as closet atheists.

I don't blame them.

Some days I wish I did too.

I may not carry the title, but I'm more a pastor than anything in my heart and mind.?

I suppose coach is the secular equivalent, but it's a little broad and invokes the thought of crunches and gyms - not my scene.

I use the word sherpa in my ghostwriting business. It best describes what I do; I guide others to their next summit - for The Story Sherpas clients that summit happens to be a book.

Over the last several years, I've been honored to hear hundreds of life stories from individuals across every spectrum of the human experience. Each one opened my eyes to a new perspective or worldview.

Each brought their unique mix of spirituality, philosophy, trama, passion, perspective, wisdom, and experience.

Even if only for a moment, viewing life through their eyes helped me see the world a bit more clearly.

That doesn't mean they are were all instant winners.

He passionately explained to me the benefits of co-parenting with multiple - nonromantic "Parenting Partners." It could be a group of several single but equally committed parents who take on child-rearing, much like an extended family.

At first, it was a little jarring. Still, I got to tell you that he makes a strong case:

• No forced, toxic relationships.
• Lots of diversity of ideas and experiences for the child.
• The benefit of having multiple primary caregivers to carry the load.

It would undoubtedly be more effective at raising children and pushing humanity forward - in a different world. It'll never work..because of our rigid and frankly antiquated ideas of love.

Love.

There's a simple, four-letter word that inspired countless more in the form of books, songs, and art.?

I didn't understand love, not unconditional love.

I had a hard time feeling worthy of love just as myself. It needed to feel earned. This need stemmed from my childhood picture of God.

I saw God as a tyrant. That's how I saw him delivered in the Bible and how he was presented to me in Sunday school and college.

God used words like love and joy - but they came with qualifications. Love and Obey only God. Take Joy in Suffering for God.

Plus, God presents as a King and a jealous one at that.

That's the thing about Tyrant's; they never describe themselves as such.

Far from it, they often claim to be the oppressed themselves.

It's worse when they have followers that blindly follow without question and demand that same level of "faith" in others.

This leads to a with or against us mentality.

As each side digs in, the conversation turns to conflict.

It's just like my kids; they are less than one year apart and are complete opposites in most things - but are somehow equally stubborn.?

They'll fight over anything - literally, anything.

I shit you not they argued over the color of the fucking sky the other day.

Is it blue or purple? Who cares, as long as we make dad red!

One pushes off the other, each so focused on besting the other that they forget that they are on the same team.?

Plus, it was obviously violet. ??

We see the same shit on the news every day - just with bigger kids - Nothing new under the sun, I guess.

The point is, my work helped me learn the value of listening to understand instead of respond. As I started gaining more perspectives and focused on truly understanding why the other person held the views they did, rather than point out why I disagreed, it expanded my own worldview.?

I also started learning more about myself.

I was able to go back to ideas and people from my past and see them from a new place. Sometimes, I get the opportunity to share those insights and perspectives with others.

Isn't that the point of a good paster anyway?

To share stories that touch our hearts and open our minds?

Maybe that's my calling - maybe not, but it brings value to those around me for the moment.

That's the power of stories; they are little empathy bridges.

They bring us closer to those we share the world with.?

If you find yourself, in the next day or two, coming across someone with a story that seems so different from yours, it's hard to see where you'd ever agree - I'd invite you to ask to hear more.

You might be surprised by what you learn.