Lost, Late & Looney Tunes.

The ever-changing landscape of life, where surprises lurk around like your ex scrolling through your IG profile to see if your life is better now without her.? Is a fact, that our lives are constantly evolving, things change,?this is inevitable. And J is not an exception, she keeps changing, or “evolving her E.T.A” as she likes to say.

J: I’m getting ready. I’ll be there at 6 PM. - she said.?

(5 min and 2 funny gifts later)

I’m packing, and I’ll be on my way, 7 - ish

She got here at 8:30

J's concept of time pronoun is fluid. She's like the price of gas, constantly shifting, flip-flopping more than a fish out of water.

So, in order to keep a healthy relationship (and the flames of romance burning bright) is important to keep asking questions and connecting with our partner. You need to keep learning about her?views on life,?personal challenges,?and politics.?

This is vital to make sure you are on the same page, or at least know if she is going to be late AGAIN.?Because let's face it, staying on the same page requires more than just sharing a Netflix password. It's all about deep and meaningful conversations, where we explore the depths of each other's souls. It’s all about expectations.?

Me: Would you like to have children?

J: When?

Me: I don't know, sometime??

J: Would you like to do this naked? Will it be ok if your mother comes to stay?

Me: Nevermind!

We must continuously explore our partners' interests, from hobbies to fetishes.

Let's cut to the chase:?there's no limit to what you should do for her (but accommodating her mom?)

That's when I found out J would be okay with a little infidelity, for the right price of course. She's open to a little cheating as long as she gets a fee.

ME: Wait, so I can only cheat if she's loaded or if I pay you off?

J: It doesn’t matter. Just give me 20 a week and I’ll be on my way.

And that’s how I discovered that for only for $10 a week I get to be her “daddy”. She initially was asking for $20, but she also learned I’m all about saving money for the future.

So, I can cheat for a price but what's the price do I have to pay for infidelity?? I mean, I've got a buddy crashing on my couch as a constant reminder of the consequences.? Nothing like waking up to your friend snoring loudly to make you rethink your life choices, huh?

If you and your boo have been rocking the couple's life for a hot minute, it's too tempting and easy to slip into the comfy shoes, faded undies, and the assumption that you know each other like the back of your hand. The real trick is to keep things as fresh as a just-popped can of Pringles.

Surprise your partner with a little something special, why not spice things up with a sultry set of new lingerie? Oh, the look on J's face, wasn't exactly what I expected. Turns out, my ambitious choice of size turned me into a human sausage casing, and those delicate little strips of fabric felt more like a tourniquet than a tantalizing tease, resulting in a look that screamed "red sausage" more than "sexy surprise. Lesson learned: sometimes, keeping things fresh means knowing when to size up... literally. But hey, at least we got a good laugh out of it.

Anyways, to keep the flame burning, keep learning, keep growing, you have to keep doing new things together! And what better way to test your compatibility and survival instincts than a good ol' hike in the great outdoors? Hiking is not only a fantastic way to test your limits, but it's also a prime opportunity for some relationship revelations. Last weekend, in the wilderness, soaking in the sights, sounds, and smells of nature, J had the audacity to compare my navigational skills to those of a befuddled squirrel. And there I was, contemplating the perfect hiding spot for her body, only to be met with a chorus of laughter. While she was laughing at me when I reminded her that I could hide her body and run away at any point. She keeps laughing.

ME: I could make you disappear; you know!

J: Oh yeah? How are you going to find your way back to the car, Mr. Wazed Dexter?

?And just when our little hike was teetering on the edge of becoming a true crime podcast, fate intervened in the form of a speedy Road Runner.

Suddenly, our spat transformed into a melodramatic rom-com moment, complete with quirky animal cameos and the obligatory "Aww, our first lovers' tiff!" soundtrack.

J: Hey, did you manage to catch the Road Runner on video?

Me: Of course! I was recording the whole time.

J: Uh-huh, sure. is this gonna be another one of your "Whoops" recordings?

Me: (checking the footage. All black): Whoops.

And just like that, we stumbled into our second lovers' spat, I guess you could say we're making progress in that department.

As we trudged along the trail in stony silence, I found myself mentally mapping out potential hiding spots for her "little body" and trying to recall the way back to the car. And then, out of the blue, she shattered the quiet with an unexpected revelation: I remind her of someone.

Now, I've been compared to some pretty impressive figures in the past—Keanu Reeves, Jason Momoa, you name it. It's like looking in a mirror, I tell ya! Naturally, I couldn't help but ask.

Me: Tom Cruise?

After all, I've got a knack for pulling off daring stunts, both in and out of the relationship arena.

Me: Dave Chappelle, for my razor-sharp wit and comedic timing?

J(with a deadpan expression): Pepe Le Pew.- ?she said.

Yep, you heard that right. Talking about a murder, what a mood killer! Apparently, my romantic charm and suave demeanor conjure up images of a cartoon skunk with a heavy accent.?

Now, I always fantasized about being with an all-American gal, you know, the kind who'd call me "BAE," "BOO," or even the classic "BABE. But nope, it seems I've been relegated to a fricking Looney Tunes character.

C'est la vie, I suppose!

So, for those unfamiliar with the character, let me paint you a picture: Pepe Le Pew is a debonair yet clueless skunk from the Looney Tunes universe, known for his distinctive odor and relentless pursuit of love. Picture a suave Frenchman with a penchant for chasing after unsuspecting cats, all while delivering cheesy pick-up lines in a thick French accent. ?In other words, she basically labeled me as either stinky or just incredibly intense! And apparently, she's convinced I've got some sort of accent going on too.

We learned things about each other we never even knew we needed to know. Truth is, you're not the same person you were six months ago. Nor is your relationship. Hell, sure she is not even the same person she was this morning before that third cup of coffee kicked in.

Either you grow together, or you grow apart. But What Do We Mean by Growth?

What does "growth" even mean in the context of a relationship?

Is it about personal development, emotional maturity, or simply figuring out who gets the last slice of pizza?

Remember, for every little thing they learn about you, there are probably a dozen more they don't. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion, only to find out it's actually an apple filled with surprises. Is like learning that apples make you fart or discovering that you secretly binge-watch cheesy rom-com when no one's around, or that you have a BSDM books stash, tucked away in a corner of your bookshelf.

And then there's the discovery of your "G spot.” No, not that one. We're talking about the elusive "L L" for laughter. J finally hit the jackpot and unleashed a tidal wave of giggles, she laughed. She said “with" not “at”? but a little embarrassment is a small price to pay for discovering a new dimension of hilarity somewhere between "fashionably late" and "fashionably lost".

A lot of kisses my friends

Signed: Pepe Le Pew

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