Lost in the Fog

The past month has been a real rollercoaster. It started with the flu, which initially felt like a minor inconvenience. But then, the Goa “Living My Promise” retreat delivered a surprise punch with whatever it was that took down not just me, but a whole group of us "promisors." While my body battled the physical effects, my internal markers, like vitamin D and sugar, took a nosedive. This double whammy left me feeling physically exhausted and mentally foggy.

The body, while achy and weak, was something I could push through with determination. But the mental haze was a different beast altogether. For two weeks, I wrestled with this fog, unable to grasp even simple thoughts. My normally sharp mind felt sluggish and slow, like wading through thick mud. It was during this period that, in a moment of sheer panic and confusion, I reached out to my psychologist. The simple act of getting out of bed felt insurmountable. The debilitation was absolute.

It was a strange paradox.?

During the physical peak of the flu, my mind remained clear, allowing me to work and fight the bodily aches. But as the haze set in, my once sharp mental faculties faltered. My thoughts scattered like leaves in a windstorm, making even basic tasks like attending a meeting feel like an out-of-body experience. One day I would be in a state of hyper-focus, and the next, I would crash, feeling completely disconnected from myself and my surroundings.

Sharing this experience isn't about seeking pity or sympathy, but about fostering connection. In the wake of the pandemic and beyond, I've seen this phenomenon rise – friends and colleagues struggling with similar experiences, often in silence. Perhaps someone else has experienced this same terrifying disconnect and would find solace in knowing they're not alone.

The realisation that most of our work, and indeed our very lives, are so heavily reliant on this fragile organ, the brain, is both humbling and alarming. When it malfunctions, even temporarily, the frustration can be overwhelming. In the past, I have managed to snap out of similar episodes with physical activity. But this time, with my body weakened, the only outlet was to acknowledge the struggle and prioritise recovery.