The Lost Art of Safe Sex and Contraception

By Brenda D Minge, RN, Trauma Therapist

I speak with a lot of young people and families struggling with many issues and one issue stands out…teens and sex!

Young people (as young as 12) are now sexually active. They feel it’s a rite of passage to prove themselves as “a man” or as? “a woman”…I’m sorry a 12-year-old is a CHILD and has no business being sexually active. However, once a female starts menses (having a period) she is fertile and can become pregnant. Children get raped. Children get molested. Unwanted pregnancies can be a consequence. It’s time to talk to your child about sex, safe sex and contraception.

Contraception is not just about prevention of pregnancy it also about protecting your child against sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) that can have long term consequences as STIs can cause infertility in both females and males. In females, an untreated STI can cause inflammation and scarring in the fallopian tubes and other reproductive organs. In males, the epididymis and urethra can be damaged by an untreated STI, leading to fertility problems.

Discuss the HPV vaccine with your child. Human papillomavirus, also called HPV, is spread by sexual activity. Some strains of HPV cause genital warts. Other HPV strains can cause cancers. Most of the time, the body can find and clear out HPV. But if the virus stays in the body for a long time, it can cause cancer. Getting vaccinated against HPV helps prevent cancer in men and women.

If you have a daughter, please consider taking her to a healthcare provider for a complete gynecological exam and they will gladly discuss contraception and STI’s with her as well. Discuss oral contraceptives and the long-term side effects.? Discuss the dangers of oral sex as exposure to certain sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can increase the risk of developing cancers specifically, human papillomavirus (HPV) transmitted through oral sex has been linked to some cancers of the oropharynx and tonsil. ?Discuss all forms of contraception including abstinence.

Many young people want to get pregnant; they want someone in their life that they can love and feel loved in return. That is absolutely tragic. These children are desperate to be loved and are willing to go to any lengths to feel that emotional connection. They don’t realize once a child is brought into this world, that child is their top priority…not their boyfriend or girlfriend, not hanging out with friends, or binge-watching movies on Netflix. Many “assume” parents will step up and take care of the baby and they can continue on with their life as if nothing happened. These are children who do not realize a baby is a forever kinda thing…you will forever parent / co-parent this child through colic, ear infections, pre-school through high school…and these parents aren’t even in high school! Not only do they not realize what their future holds, many don’t even care. They fail to realize they need to complete high school, they need to learn life skills to survive in the adult world in order to get a job, keep a job and support their child. Unfortunately, in many families, generational trauma leads children to believe there is no need to go to school or get an education since relying on State Welfare Programs having children is supporting their ever-growing family.

If your child is sexually active or if your child comes to you asking about sex contraception, please have an open, honest, non-judgmental conversation with them. They trust you enough to come to you, so use this as an opportunity to teach them facts including the emotional aspect of a sexually relationship – sex is more than a physical act. For many young people they are pressure into having sex to “prove their love” to someone only to be sexually used, emotionally abused and discarded leaving them brokenhearted and confused…and possibly pregnant or with an STI. Let them know sex should never be used a tool or a weapon to manipulation or control someone or to prove your virility.? Advise your child to always think before they act and to always protect themselves and their partner.

Always be a safe space for your child so they know they can come to you and talk to you without fear of screaming, yelling, rage, humiliation, and “I told you so”? lectures. Reassure them. Thank them for trusting you enough to come to you and always tell them you love them…you love them no matter what they do. You may not condone their actions, but you will unconditionally love them and will stand by them.