The Lost Art of Masculinity By Contributing Author – Alaric Naude
Karen Bontrager
Founder Crisis to Courage for Men I Podcast | 16-24 | ★ Money & Thought Leader | TBRI Trauma Clinician | LMHCA Therapist | ACC Trauma Coach | No Fear in Love Race President | Coaching | Scholar | Fierce Men’s Advocate
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” –Marcus Aurelius
As a man (last time I checked), it concerns me that masculinity has been under attack for some time. Masculinity is now viewed as something that is toxic and inherently violent. The old concepts of chivalry and traditional etiquette are all but relics of a bygone age.
Few people remember a masculinity defined by courage, respect, self-sacrifice and honor. The redefinition of masculinity into the sum of all evil through education systems corrupted by ideology, have not addressed the negative traits that do exist within masculinity.
Rather, by attempting to feminize men, it has compounded the problem by creating weak men who do have a toxic form of masculinity. Such a masculinity is watered down, creating individuals that are no good to themselves, no good to the spouses, and no good to society as a whole. However, that can change. Masculinity can be revitalized.?
Now, do not misunderstand. Masculinity, while involving physical prowess to a degree, is not wholly bound only to such criteria.
Some of the most powerful and masculine men are not necessarily the finest examples of physical form. While it is important to get exercise and consume proper meals, that is only a single aspect. Regardless of one’s physique, the first place to begin this restoration of masculinity is the restoration of a masculine mindset. Decades of feminist education have caused many young men to view all parts of their natural inclinations as negative when the contrary is true.
Males are competitive.
Competition is essential to testing limits but it serves a further function. When boys wrestle they test not only their own strength, but also learn to limit their strength so as not to hurt others. It is a learning process that tempers the natural inclination into one that is disciplined and controlled. A man who is insulted but remains composed, not out of fear but out of self-restraint is far more masculine than a man who lashes out at the smallest provocation.
Discouraging a healthy level of competition does not allow boys to learn their limits and may lead to antisocial behavior later in life when men cannot control their anger, strength or mindset. Masculinity is therefore part of a disciplined mindset that is learned as the male matures. Without this disciplined mindset and with a view that masculinity in of itself is toxic, men become increasingly unhappy and unstable, one need only look at suicide rates for men to understand this.
Another reason for the lack of masculinity. Many men, for whatever reason, have not had access to good masculine role models.
While many single mothers strive to give their children only the best, in a majority of cases they as females cannot fully provide the positive role models needed. A positive and truly masculine male role model is not only one who is loving and caring, but also able to give firm discipline, counsel and direction. This is especially important in areas where crime and other antisocial behaviors are common. Good masculine role models instill self-respect and respect for others in boys, this translates into masculine men.
What then if you believe due to your upbringing or other circumstances feel that you are in some way lacking positive masculine traits?
Firstly, don't despair. Negative thinking and self-pity are not the road to anywhere positive. Begin with your mindset. Proactive minds are the ones that change. Think of a person or persons that display the masculine quality or trait that you lack. Try to find out how or why they display such a quality or trait and imitate their positive example. If you feel that you have been influenced by negative propaganda about masculinity, try surrounding yourself with positive masculine imagery, for example a fireman carrying someone from a building etc.
It is always important to continue displaying positive masculine traits through practice, be careful though, true masculinity rejects misandry but at the same time does not flirt with misogyny. If you feel difficulty interacting or relating to women, or have issues with trust due to bad experiences, you may find that as you increase your masculine attributes that you also come to view women more positively as you become more masculine.
Remember this is not purely physical but to a large extent mental growth which is often more difficult than the former. Let us all work toward reclaiming masculinity, rejecting the concept that it is toxic, and build stronger minds and stronger relationships.
Thank you, Alaric Naude for being a Contributing Author to the Relationships Matter Monday posts for Men. We greatly appreciate you sharing your own #crisistocourage4men story regarding the lost art of masculinity from a scholarly/personal perspective. ??
Thank you for reading.
Your thoughts are very appreciated.
Author’s Bio
Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and fellas, 25+ stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.
She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article/poem/commentary for 16-24-year-old men and fellas, 25+, stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.
Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:
Are you a man, 16-24, or more mature, 25+ which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.??
Plastics Equipment Sales
3 年Excellent
Executive Producer
3 年I like the part about anger & it's proper management. Show me a man who is angry & I'll show you a man who is scared. Besides being a Commercial Fishman in Alaska , A Stockbroker in San Francisco , A Journeyman Plumber in Los Angeles , A Husband & A Dad... Honestly ... There was one time in my life when I undoubtedly felt like a Man. It was the time I carried 2 boys out of a burning building & saved their lives. The look on their faces... I'll never forget it. That really touched me??
Junior DBA and Veteran Full-Stack Developer
3 年There is no differences between males and females in behavior. Evolution miraculously stopped just bellow the neck to avoid offending angry feminists. Now we all must first confess our privilege...