The Lost Art of Listening : A Skill Often Overlooked

Being a great speaker is a valuable skill, but what about being a great listener? In many ways, listening is even more important. Think about how many poor listeners you encounter daily—people who zone out during conversations, drift off in meetings, or even take naps during conferences. Ever wondered why this is so common?

The Reality of Poor Listening

Research suggests that the average person retains only 50% of what they hear immediately after a conversation. After two months, this retention drops to just 25%. Despite this, most of us are trained from childhood to focus on speaking rather than listening. We’re constantly told that strong speaking skills lead to success, but rarely are we taught that listening is just as crucial. In our eagerness to respond, we often start formulating replies before the speaker has even finished. This habit prevents us from truly understanding the message being conveyed.

Why Listening is So Difficult

Focusing while listening is more challenging than concentrating while speaking or engaging in other forms of communication. Scientifically, this is because our brains process thoughts much faster than speech. On average, people speak at about 125 words per minute, but our minds can process information far more quickly. This excess mental capacity allows our thoughts to wander—jumping between the speaker’s words and unrelated ideas. This constant mental back-and-forth leads to incomplete comprehension and poor listening habits.

What Real Listening Looks Like

Imagine a boss (A) briefing an employee (B) about a new project. Initially, B tries to focus, but as A speaks slowly, B’s mind begins to drift: “I need to mention my successful meeting on this project.” After a brief distraction, B tunes back in, catching only parts of the message. This cycle continues, and by the end of the conversation, B has only understood half of what was said. Over time, this habit strengthens, making it even harder to listen attentively.

Think of a conversation as a brick wall. Each spoken word is a brick, carefully placed to construct a clear idea. If you receive the bricks in the wrong order or fail to collect them all, you won’t build the same wall as the speaker. Listening is not just about collecting words—it’s about understanding ideas in the order they were intended.

How to Be a Better Listener

A good listener avoids unrelated thoughts and distractions. Instead, they:

• Use mental downtime to summarize key points rather than daydream.
• Observe body language, tone, and facial expressions to grasp the full message.
• Read between the lines, listening for unspoken meanings beyond the words.

Emotional biases also affect how we listen. Sometimes, we unconsciously filter out what we don’t want to hear or focus only on information that supports our opinions. Worse, we may start formulating questions designed to challenge or embarrass the speaker rather than engaging with their ideas.

Three Key Strategies for Effective Listening

To become a better listener, apply these principles:

1. Listen without judgment – Just hear the speaker out.
2. Suspend immediate evaluation – Don’t jump to conclusions.
3. Avoid searching for negative evidence – Stay open-minded and receptive.

Deactivate emotional biases, focus on the message, and consciously practice good listening in every conversation. Listen when you listen—to your friend, spouse, boss, child, or parent. Not everything you’ve ignored in the past was meaningless. Some of those words were valuable insights, freely given by someone, but you lost those due to poor listening.

So keep practicing. Over time, you’ll find that strong listening skills are just as powerful as great speaking skills—if not more.

VINOD