The Lost Art of Listening in Meetings

Many years ago, before my hair turned grey, I was asked to make a short presentation for my company's executive team. Young and eager to impress, I spent hours preparing, imagining every possible question and rehearsing potential answers.

On the big day, I arrived ten minutes early. As I waited outside the meeting room, I did a few breathing exercises to calm my nerves. Twenty minutes later, I was still waiting. The executive team was behind schedule, and I ended up waiting a full thirty minutes before it was finally my turn.

When I finally entered, I found myself facing ten or so highly senior managers, including my boss and the CEO. Nearly all of them were preoccupied with their computers, and yet the CEO told me to begin.

Am I boring you?

The presentation was a disaster. Except for my boss and the HR manager, the participants spent most of my presentation working on their computers or fidgeting with their phones. I even caught one manager scrolling through her Facebook feed.

I was deflated. Why had I been invited to speak if the executive members weren't going to listen? They didn’t even give me a chance. My respect for the team plummeted and it never improved.

That day, I learned a valuable lesson: no matter who you are, if you want to be respected, give others your attention. Especially if you've invited them to your meeting.

“No matter who you are, if you want to be respected, give others your attention.”

The Importance of Listening

Over the years, I've attended countless meetings where managers reply to emails or read unrelated reports while someone else is speaking. I must admit, I’ve done the same when I feel I’ve got nothing to contribute or when I am overwhelmed with work. I’m not proud of this—quite the opposite—and so I’ve reflected on what causes me to lose my focus.

Why Do We Stop Listening?

Whenever I feel the urge to check emails in a meeting, it usually means one of two things:

1. I’m trying to be productive. Usually, this means I haven’t planned my day properly, and I’m now scrambling to catch up.
2. I feel that the meeting or discussion isn’t relevant to me and that there are other tasks I consider more important.

To avoid this situation, I try scheduling time for administrative tasks like emails and reports. I also practice the art of saying "no" to meetings. If I'm unsure whether I should attend, I'll ask for clarification or decline.

Be Respectful

I believe that no matter how senior we are, we owe the participants of our meeting our full attention. Ignoring someone to check our phone or laptop isn’t just rude—it signals that we’re either bored or uninterested. Consider it this way—are you impressed by someone who doesn’t have the time to give you their attention in a meeting?

I don’t think anyone likes to be ignored, and so unless you want to appear arrogant or out of touch, put the device down and engage in the meeting.

Worth pondering:

What’s the most frustrating behavior you’ve encountered in a meeting? Why was it frustrating, and how did you handle it? Are there any meeting behaviors that put you off, and why?