The (Lost) Art of the Introduction

by Chris Palmisano, COO of Rocket Dollar and Marc Nathan, VP of Client Strategy of Egan Nelson

Both of us are connectors. We love connecting with people in the real and virtual worlds. During this pandemic, it’s all the virtual world. We both take pride in connecting others, so we can all benefit. It’s a way of putting “good” out in the community and it can have a major impact. Connecting and introducing: it’s what we do. As they say, a rising tide lifts all boats. So, we take introductions pretty seriously. We think everyone should too. An admission: we have each made horrible and embarrassing mistakes, which we own. Our goal with this article is to discuss what does and doesn’t work in a professional context. This is the guide to asking for introductions from two people who do this nonstop. 

tl;dr: Double opt-in intros only and blind intros are bad

First, why should you care? Well, if you get intros right, you’ll change your life. The benefits are plenty. You’ll build new relationships, build your personal brand, and develop a great reputation. You may meet new business partners, mentors, investors, employers, and some of your new connections will become good friends. Further, studies have shown friendships can help reduce anxiety, stress, and depression. You might even meet the love of your life. Blind dates are indeed a double opt-in introduction. We both know married couples who met on blind dates. 

Before we talk about introductions, we need to define a few terms and call out some bad behavior. 

A blind intro, or single opt-in, is when you introduce someone to a third-party without asking the third-party first. 

Blind intros are bullshit, full stop, unless you've been given carte blanche to fire away. 

Blind intros reflect poorly on both the person who asked for the intro and the person who sends the blind intro. All you’re doing is putting more work on someone else’s plate. Imagine a busy executive sitting in their home office, already behind on everything, and these intros they didn’t ask for keep popping into the inbox. Time is our most precious commodity. Email is still the way things get done, so we need to use it professionally.

The bad behavior doesn’t end with email. It’s pervasive on LinkedIn too, which everyone reading this article likely uses daily. The latest spammy technique is to send a connection request, which I will typically accept, only to get launched into a group chat with two participants, but I’ve never spoken to or met either of the other two people in the chat. That’s not how this is supposed to work. The other pet peeve is after I accept your connection request you immediately add my email address to a distribution list or a newsletter. What in the world? We recommend you not use any of these techniques. You come off as lazy and unprofessional. 

The double opt-in intro is the solution, period. 

A double opt-in introduction is a technique where the introducing party asks both sides for permission before they send out the email to the other parties. This allows either party to decline gracefully, without the social embarrassment of having to say no to the person being introduced. The double opt-in provides a clean and professional way to facilitate an introduction, without an obligation to either party. 

Here are some tips on asking for and making introductions that get results:

1. Know Your Customer - you don’t have to be best friends with either party, but you should actually know them in real life or online. Knowing someone online is more than just having a passive connection, with little to no direct interaction, on a social media platform. There is nothing worse than receiving an introduction from someone you don’t know to another person you don’t know - it would be just as effective to send a cold connection, and in some cases this is a better approach.
2. Make it Count - both parties should be able to get something out of the mutual connection, even if one party has a lot more to gain. By making an introduction, you are putting your reputation on the line, so it should be beneficial to all three of you.
3. Give Them A Reason - ‘You two should connect’ isn’t good enough; give them a strong “why” they should connect. There has to be something in common that you as the introducer knows about each party that builds affinity. It could be as simple as living in the same city, going to the same school, or working in the same industry sector.
4. Acknowledge their Schedules - We’re all super-busy, so give them some time to read and respond. You really can’t make promises about someone else’s calendar, so make sure both parties are given enough grace to respond to the connection. One line that seems to work is ‘I’ll leave it to the two of you to connect at your convenience’.
5. Remember, But Don’t Keep Score - it’s easy to think of introductions as transactional, and in some ways they are just that. If a person doesn’t respond once, that’s fine, but if they make a pattern of it, it demonstrates that they don’t take your introductions seriously and you may not have the relationship with them that you thought. It’s not a good policy to keep a tally of your introductions because you will start to resent the people who are all take and no give. An introduction is a favor and you will quickly get upset with people who owe you more than you owe.
6. It’s OK to Say No - Just because you’re connected to someone on LinkedIn or worked at the same company doesn’t mean that you know them well enough for an introduction. If you’re the wrong person to make the introduction, then it can seem shallow to do it for a person that you don’t already know well. It is sometimes better to tell a person that you don’t think that your introduction would be effective and that they should find a person with a stronger relationship to make the connection.

For recommended content to include in your email request, see an article from Joshua Baer, co-founder of Capital Factory, on How to Make Effective Email Introductions. 

How to use LinkedIn properly

Your connection request is a chance to use good behavior. Don’t waste it. 

LinkedIn, whether you love it or not, is still an important business tool that represents you on the internet. By opting out of LinkedIn, or not maintaining an up-to-date profile, you’re showing the business world that you either don’t know how to use it (low competence) or don’t care to use it (low trust). You also make it very difficult for someone else to make an introduction. At the bare minimum, you need an accurate profile picture, a description of your current (or latest) job, and an email address in your contact section where you will receive business emails. We highly recommend adding a phone number, even if it’s a throwaway Google Voice just to let others know that you’re ‘real’ and not a fake profile. 

To sum this up, the downside of a bad introduction is three-fold: first, you come across as unprofessional and not worthy of the time it takes to prepare a response to you or the intended receivers; second, you obligate the others to respond without their consent and make them look bad if they choose to not reply; and third, you waste your own political capital with both parties. 

The value of a strong introduction is a person who trusts you is implicitly vouching for your credibility as a person the recipient should trust. We are all busy, and most of our communication is behind a keyboard. Establishing trust is the single most important thing you can do at the beginning of any relationship. Using the right process for intros will go a long way.

Now, who do you want to meet?