The Lost Art of Good Manners

This past weekend, my family was browsing in the men’s section of a local department store, when my soon to be six-year-old stopped by the fragrance counter and asked the lady behind the counter for a sample. At first she smiled uneasily and looked in my direction for approval. I smiled and nodded my approval and he proceeded to spell out the Italian fragrance he wanted to sample. After she spritzed him with the fragrance, he soon exclaimed, “ Mmm that smells nice”. And then in a move that took her by surprise, he smiled a toothy grin and said, “Thank you ma’am, have a good evening”!

The look of astonishment on her face was priceless!

 At first I thought it was due to her anticipating a Father’s day sale, but then she soon she shared that her encounter with my son was ‘refreshing’ since it had been awhile since she had encountered such manners especially in one so young. Needless to say, even though we did not make a purchase, we did leave her smiling!

I proudly hugged my son for remembering to be courteous and together left the store to meet up with my husband and daughter. When I shared the experience with the fragrance lady with my husband, he chuckled and then corroborated that the ‘fragrance lady’ was right, that people these days are in such a rush that manners are not a priority. Typically we would celebrate my son for being courteous, but rather expect him to be we both beamed with pride over his remembering what we have been teaching since he was a toddler.

 My husband and I were both raised to have what now seems like old fashioned manners; where men removed hats when the national anthem was played or upon entering a room and opened doors or offered a seat to any ladies present. In like manner, one could always tell a lady by her posture, gracious and pleasant demeanor, subtle the hint of fragrance and ever present smile. 

These days as we text, tweet and move at speeds that rival light and sound, it appears we have lost much of the deportment a by gone era. As our world’s parameters shrink with the vast magnitude of our connections and our need to know and share so much, it is imperative that we improve of the nature of our relationships. Whether the relationships we work on enhancing are as colleagues, consumers or citizens, we should strive to improve the manner in which we connect and maintain our various relationships.

For some a discussion about manners may appear trivial. If one were to look at manners beyond the scope of saying, please and thank you, opening doors for ladies, then it can be revealed that good manners can improve one’s daily life, one’s business perspective, market share and even the bottom line! 

Recall how many times you have experienced an insistent telemarketer or encountered a retail clerk who seemed less than interested in meeting your needs. How did you respond? Did you reciprocate equally as curt or even made an attempt to escalate to a supervisor? Or did you stop for a moment and wondered why the person with whom you were engaging was less than appreciative of your value? Imagine now a shift in the dynamic if you were to merely ask the person you encounter their name and pleasantly declining their promotion or possibly repeat your need and then before the experience ends, encourage them to have a great day by name.

How did you react last time you received an abrupt email request without even the slightest salutation? Did your immediate thought spark on the time constraints of the sender who sought your input on a delivery? Or did you take it personal? While it is easy to create a signature with a standard salutation, that is appropriate for most business operations, often there are times when we each are consumed with a delivery timelines allowing instead for the intent of the message to supersede common courtesy. 

Take a trip back in time when a colleague was attempting to locate a fellow team member and walked past you without even acknowledging your presence, or interrupted your conversation with another without saying “Excuse me”. Did you stop them and offer to help even though they seemed to be so focused on the task at hand and did not consider your value in that moment or did you allow their behavior to color the remainder of your day?

 What about a few days ago when you were driving along minding your business, when you were  cut off by another driver, did you like me wonder what possess someone to drive at crazy speeds and switch lanes without abandon? Or did you wonder whether they were on their way to manage a personal life crisis. As a wife and mother who makes every attempt to drive cautiously, there have been moments in my life when I have received the dreaded school call that your precious little one has fallen on the playground, has a fever of 101 or worse and your only intent is to arrive at their side as quickly as is possible.

 Ponder these suggestions for ensuring you are treating others as well:

 Make the time to thank persons for providing feedback on your deliverables and endorsements

• Create an accurate email signature including known times for vacation or training and be certain to use the Out of Office notification to ensure your vendors, business partners and colleagues are aware of when you are available for input and response to pressing matters.
• Commit to heading out for your destinations at least 5-10 minutes earlier to ensure you arrive safely and can avoid distracted or raged drivers, those few minutes extra can be used to collect your thoughts and prepare for being fully engaged.
• Place personal devices on vibrate or even airplane mode and touch base with immediate needs during private and scheduled breaks; while your calls may be pertinent to you, do realize others are not as interested in the details.
• Make a priority to greet colleagues by name and publicly sharing admiration for a job well done can do wonders for moral and can serve to bridge teams.
• Take a few milliseconds (since that is all we can spare these days) to say "hello" to people who don't directly work with you, but provided a tremendous service that we each rely on, such as custodians or maintenance workers, retail cashiers, local barristers, nail technicians, etc.
• Practice good manners regardless of deadlines and projects; you stand to increase not only your circle of colleagues who respect you but also gain a reputation for being a true professional.

 While these are merely suggestions, I am convinced that by taking a few minutes to think about those we encounter on a more personal and intimate manner we can build a better work place. And once we have improved the relationships in our places of business, I suggest we each follow the lead of my son and take our good manners to the mall, then on to  our wider community where collectively we seek to bring a smile to an unsuspecting stranger.

Who knows, maybe in time, if we each use our good manners together we can bring back some semblance of the days when seersucker blazers, straw hats and good old fashioned manners were the order of the day!

 Here’s to your having a great day,