The Lost Art of Effective Listening

I won’t write about the results of the U.S. election and our mixed emotions.? I’ll leave that to the many political pundits out there. But the one thing I think we can all agree on is that we are a more polarized nation than ever before.? The reasons why this happened are innumerable.? But it may center around an idea so basic that it could be considered “naive” or “quaint.”? Somewhere over the years, we have lost the ability to listen to one another.

I mean to really, actively, and effectively listen to one another.?

Not just “hear” but “listen". As citizens, we have become comfortable listening largely to those who see the world like we do, and shutting out, or discounting those with different opinions. ? Disagreement, which most Americans aren’t nearly as comfortable with as Italians are, has become a reason to argue, fight, or even better yet, tune out the other side, rather than what it should be: an opportunity to listen, be curious, and learn.

As a communication coach, I want to focus this month on the undervalued art of effective listening; listening with genuine curiosity and respect for someone else’s viewpoint. Because it is always important to effectively listen to those we disagree with, whether it is about politics, topics from our personal lives, or something related to our professional lives.?

If you want to be a successful leader you must master effective communication.? And we need to not focus solely on what we say, but on how well we listen to others.? It is a two-way street.?

Here are some tips to consider so you can be a masterful listener at work (and in your personal lives).?

Activate the Connection

Pay attention.

I don’t mean to insult your intelligence, but it begins here. If you aren’t attending to what is being said, you’ve already downgraded this interaction.? We all have a lot going on in our minds. Focus.

?? Tip: Start by giving the speaker your undivided attention, and put away your phone.? Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.? Ignore other people or conversations around you.

Be curious.

Curiosity creates a connection beyond disagreement.? Being curious about why someone holds a particular viewpoint can help bridge divides. Curiosity is more about understanding rather than agreeing. When you approach someone with curiosity, you’re signaling that you value their perspective, even if it’s different than yours.

?? Tip: Try asking open-ended questions to explore a colleague’s perspective. Instead of asking, “Why do you believe that?” which can sound judgmental, try, “What experiences have shaped your view?” or “How do you see this impacting our work?” This kind of curiosity fosters understanding and respect.

Be Respectful

Resist Interrupting???

Letting people finish their thoughts without interrupting shows respect and that you are willing to be open to their opinions.? It reduces conflict and builds trust with your team, even in difficult situations.? It also gives you time to respond more thoughtfully as you consider what is being said.

?? Tip: In discussions, especially about sensitive topics, listen fully before responding. This means putting aside any assumptions or reactions until the other person has finished speaking. Summarize what they’ve said to show you’re genuinely trying to understand.

Show You‘re Listening Without Judging??

No one is going to feel confident sharing what they are thinking if they feel like they are being judged for what they are saying.

?? Tip: Saying things like “I’m here to listen without any judgment,” “Anyone in your position would feel the same way,” or “I’m really interested in your perspective; this is a judgment-free zone” will help create a safe environment and assure the other person that you’re there to listen with empathy and understanding.

Be Mindful of Your Tone and Expressions?

Keep your tone neutral and avoid eye rolls, sighs, or expressions of frustration, as these can quickly make someone feel dismissed.?

?? Tip:? Use a calm even tone. Avoid sarcasm.? Smile naturally and nod appropriately.? Keep your posture open and keep an open, neutral expression. Take deep breaths if you start to feel yourself getting emotional.? Consider mirroring their volume and energy to show empathy.

Practice Empathetic Listening

Rather than just hearing the words, tune into the speaker’s emotions and tone of voice.? This will give you insights into unspoken words.

?? Tip: Acknowledge feelings by saying things like “That sounds really challenging; I’m sorry you are going through this,” or “I can see this is really important to you.? Reflect back on what they said with something like “It sounds like you’re dealing with [describe the issue briefly]. Is that right?” Validate with comments like “Anyone in your position would feel the same way.”

Continue to Connect and Understand

Reflect On What Has Been Said

Paraphrase the key points that the other has shared.? Being able to do this causes you to pay attention to the conversation, and shows that you really took in what was saying

?? Tip: Use phrases like “ So, you’re saying that (rephrase the other person’s idea)”; “I understand.? You’re saying that…”; “Let me see if I understand you correctly.”? You’re saying that….”; “If I’m hearing you correctly,”

Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Clarification

It happens.? Whether English is your first language or not, it’s common to be unsure of what someone is trying to say, so ask for clarification.

?? Tip: Try using expressions like: “What do you mean when you say?"; "Could you repeat…” "Can you say more about...""Let me see if I'm clear.? You are saying that...", or my personal favorite, “Walk me through your thinking,” to help you really understand what they mean without them feeling attacked.

Summarize What You Heard

Review the main points of the conversation using your own words.? Challenging yourself to do that will make you focus more on what is being said, and can confirm to the other person that you are respectfully paying attention.

?? Tip: Try using expressions like: "Let me summarize what I heard...."; It sounds like there are two things that are important to you.....; "I think I've heard several things that seem to be important to you, first____, second, third___"

At the End

Express Gratitude

Thank them for sharing their thoughts, especially if it was a sensitive topic or difficult conversation.? Expressing gratitude is a small act that creates a bigger impact because it reinforces respect and goodwill.

Listening, like any skill, can be learned. Good listeners improve relationships. By being an effective listener in the office they make more informed decisions, successfully resolve conflicts, and are more innovative as they can take in many different viewpoints.??

Effective listening is a key communication skill. In a world (or office) divided, the first step forward is listening with respect.

??What about you?? Are there other techniques that you use to effectively listen?? Share them in the comments below so we can all become better at this critical communication skill.

If you are a native Italian speaker who wants to be more confident and effective in communicating professionally in the USA, send me a DM on LinkedIn.? We can discuss your goals and develop a plan to help you reach your full potential through improved communication and cultural awareness. You can also check out my website at: www.effectiveenglish.us