THE LOST ART OF AN APOLOGY

Do you agree that in this chaotic world of ours that the word Sorry has lost its power and meaning? The word sorry is handed out like smarties to kids at a party. It is used so often I believe it rolls off the tongue way too easily.

How often in your adult life have you used or heard the word Sorry and does it still hold meaning to you when you hear or say it? In reality and through experience I have found that for the most part, the word sorry has become an unconscious thought. Spoken aloud in reaction to something that happens.

In fact, research shows that most times we say sorry without taking on the responsibility for the offence in the first place. Think about how many times you have said sorry without addressing your behaviour and yet continue to do the same thing over and over.

Sorry for being late... Sorry for being angry... Sorry for missing a meeting ... Sorry, I forgot ... Sorry I slept in ... Sorry I didn’t get home in time ... Sorry, I forgot to take out the bins ... Sorry I missed date night ... Sorry, this and sorry that. Sometimes sorry comes with an excuse and sometimes not.

What Does Sorry Mean?

The word sorry according to the Cambridge Oxford Dictionary is when we have a feeling of sadness, sympathy, or disappointment, especially because something unpleasant has happened or been done.

Sorry is used to say that you wish you had not done what you have done, especially when you want to be polite to someone you have done something bad to. Sorry is used to show politeness when refusing something or disagreeing.

The origin of Sorry comes from the word: “sorrow” and is from the Old English “sorh” or “sorg,” which meant the same, while “sorry” comes via West Germanic from the Old English sarig meaning “pained” or “distressed.”

The word Sorry does have a place and is appropriate in certain circumstances such as:

I’m so sorry for your loss. When you bump into people. When you want to show genuine regret for a mistake, sympathy, or empathy towards another person.

However, there are better ways to apologise. Below you will find ways to start an apology, fulfil your want to say sorry, and thus allow the other person to feel much better.

There are many fine examples of where the word sorry can be used. This article does not serve the purpose to show such examples as they are easily found on google.

Within this article, you will find key phrases to improve your apologies.

Have you ever said sorry for something, yet the person didn’t receive your apology very well, or refused to believe your reason why? 

When we say sorry we unknowingly lower our self-worth and are harming our self-confidence by apologising for actions and circumstances.

Let's look at the one fine example. Saying sorry for being late. This expression when used over and over again by someone. If done time and time again means nothing and soon falls on deaf ears. What is the receiver of your sorry really hearing?

If this happens often they will have thoughts such as you lack capabilities for being punctual. Put bluntly they may decide that you are wasting their time and that you are an incapable person.

Let's look at another way of apologising by replacing the word Sorry with 'Thank-you'.

What Does Thank-You Mean?

Thank you is used when letting someone know that you are grateful because they have given you something or done something for you. Thank you is said and used to politely accept or refuse something that has been offered to you. There are many ways to say thank you. It works beautifully in both a positive and or negative situation.

Thank you is used for expressing gratitude, appreciation, acknowledgement or disapproval of something, and is a much more powerful word than sorry. Using thank you in a phrase takes away the issue from ourselves and gives warmth to those around us.

The amount of appreciation we express and our ability to sincerely express this has a dramatic impact on how we relate to others.

Sorry while polite, is often overused. Sorry is often an empty, automatic response holding no real meaning or value and just a word.

On the other hand, when we say thank you. We acknowledge the other person and recognise their contribution.

For example: Instead of saying I’m sorry for being late, why not try expressing a thank you for your patience, or a thank you for waiting. I really appreciate it. Be truly thankful and showing you care to say more than just an 'I'm sorry' works wonders.

This cultivates and sets up a sense of positivity, and gratitude expressed from you. The person on the other end of the apology will feel appreciated for having spent their time waiting.

A conversation using the word thank you in any language is perceived so much better than you apologising for your bad timing skills.

This certainly helps to keep your image from diminishing and instead, the person now feels praised for their patience.  

Here are a few more examples where you might re-think using the word sorry and replacing it with a thank you:

Thank you for your patience instead of I’m sorry I’m always running late.

The latter gives off a very different feel and vibration.

Thank you for listening, is so much better than - Sorry for banging on about things.

Shows an appreciation for them listening instead of you revealing your low self worth by assuming they didn’t want to listen.

Thank you for spending time with me instead of I'm sorry for taking up all your time.

Again you are making assumptions and revealing your belief that you are not important enough to take up someone's time.

To really apologise try matching the situation and elaborate on why you appreciate someone for giving their time, by how much it means to you.

Saying sorry comes to us so much more easily. While correct and polite when we use it in some circumstances we inadvertently take our appreciation away from the receiver.

With a simple yet powerful word thank you we acknowledge and recognise the other person. The thank you is praising them for their act of patience etc.

Believe me, they will see you in a more positive light. At the end of the day, no-one is perfect and we can all do things to the detriment of others.

Everyone makes mistakes. We all need to apologise at some stage throughout our lives.

The next time you find yourself in a situation and in need of an apology whether it is due to your actions, or inaction. Remember the power of a thank-you, over saying a simple. I’m sorry, and you will find the results to be quite magical.

Today, see how often you can re-frame your sentence and take out the I'm sorry and add in a more honest and powerful apology using a powerful 'Thank you'.

If you would like to learn more about how to use this and other power words like 'Thank you' let's continue the conversation in the comments below.

I thank you for your time spent reading my article. It is much appreciated.

Remember to share your smile every day with someone new or someone you love.

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