The Loss of My Son and a Tender Mercy

This month will mark seven years since my son Gage passed away. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him and feel a huge void in my life. I know this is a business podcast, but I wanted to share a story with y’all about business and life balance and a tender mercy.

The year was 2016. I was living in El Paso, Texas, with my husband and three kids. I had a very successful high school senior photography business. I had recently been featured in the Wall Street Journal. I was on “Good Morning America.” I was asked to judge Miss New Mexico, USA. I owned a photography magazine. I had built an incredible brand, and I was so proud of it. I was at the peak of my career.

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I was very blessed in my personal life as well. We had moved into our dream home. I had great friends. We were traveling to incredible places all over the world. We had the opportunity to give our kids so many life experiences.

Life was good.?

The end of school was quickly approaching, and my oldest son, Gage, who was finishing eighth grade, started having some issues with some of his friends. Like any mother, my focus quickly turned to helping him work through this trial. He was deeply loyal to his friends, and it was really hard on him. There is nothing more painful than seeing your kids struggle.?

Together, we decided that it was time to just find new friends. Eventually, he worked through it. He found a new group of amazing friends, and again, our house was constantly filled with friends, love, and laughter.?

I’ve always loved being a mom. It’s been the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s changed me as a person. It’s given me purpose, and there’s nothing in this world I’d rather be doing. I love being a mom.?

During this time, I had this powerful and compelling insight. My son Gage was getting ready to go into high school. I had the sobering realization that I had only four more years with my oldest son until he moved on to the next stage of his life. I had only four more years of driving him to friends’ houses; four more years of watching movies together; four more years of daily hugs, kisses, and I love yous. Four more years of spending my days taking care of him every day.?

Right then and there, I decided that I had to change my priorities. I raised my prices in my business, I cut back on the amount of clients I took, we sold the photography magazine, and I started saying NO to things that took me away from my family.?

That next year, I spent my days driving cars full of kids all over town, spending too much money on pizza, patching holes in walls from skateboards, going on road trips, picking up wet towels left by the pool, and lots and lots of nights with little to no sleep because our house was filled with rowdy kids.?

The chaos was music to my ears.?

The truth of the matter is that I didn’t have four more years with my son I had only one more year. My son, Gage,? was in an accident and passed away on May 17, 2017.?

I often look back on that moment when I thought I had only four more years with him and recognize that it was a tender mercy. I feel so grateful that I listened and trusted myself. I’m grateful that I took action and realigned my priorities.?

I know that sometimes, being a working mom seems like a balancing act that just isn’t working. It feels overwhelming and draining, but if I can give you any advice, it is to listen to yourself. Trust your gut. Take care of the things that are most important to you and never, ever take for granted the people whom you love.