Losing Yourself Leads to Finding Yourself

Have there been moments in your life when you lost yourself?

For me, it was when I had children. I felt guilty for craving the structure and mental stimulation my career had given me, which now only felt like a distant memory. The highlight of some of my days was washing a load of clothes and hanging them outside in the sunshine, thrilled a few hours later that the cold, Bristol wind had dried them all so quickly.

I felt torn because I adored my children and the journey to have them had been an emotional rollercoaster ride filled with loss, grief and trauma.

Now that I was on the other side of secondary infertility, I felt that motherhood should be enough for me, particularly as I had been through such heartache to welcome my children into the world. 

Losing my independence, financial security and sense of self hit me hard; I criticised myself for many years.

Yesterday my kinesiologist helped me see things differently. That it is only when we lose ourselves, that we truly find ourselves. For the first time in almost 14 years, I heard this and believed it. This new perspective resonated deeply and is the reason for me sharing it with you now. 

Sometimes our lives have to fall apart so they can be rebuilt.

That's also true for ourselves. Our darkest moments can give rise to our biggest lessons and blessings. In the losing of myself, I found a better version. I discovered parts of myself that I did not know existed, parts that would have remained stifled and hidden had I not become a mum to my three beautiful, funny and sensitive children. I left the corporate world and began a journey of healing, both myself and others. I learnt how to love myself and my body. So even though I lost a part of myself that I spent years longing to reclaim, I now understand that it was necessary to find all of me. 

The same is true for you.

Which parts of yourself have you lost? And in the losing of yourself, what have you gained? When we reframe things, we often realise that we are exactly where and who we are meant to be! 

With love,

Sarah x