Losing is a Perspective

Losing could actually be winning? It might sound crazy, but hear me out. When we don't achieve our goals or make a mistake, it's an (obvious now to me) opportunity to learn and grow.

Early in my sales career, and life in general, losing was losing. I would feel embarrassment, shame, want to quit, take off in an RV and never come back... One simple email reply from someone could send me into a mini tailspin, making a mistake would make my heart sink and make me want to hurl. I would play over some stupid little thing in my head 5,000 times! I will never forget asking my wife on our first date what her favorite part of her Italy trip was about 8 times in 2 hours! I felt like an idiot for DAYS after that date, replaying it over and over each time with a different voice to really put myself down. (2 years later she said I do... so I think I learned quickly how to recover!)

However, at one point around 2015 (maybe) I heard a podcast that included Jocko Willink (wish I had the original but here is a more recent version discussing it - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvg7PSMsZkg ). Jocko was mainly talking about learning from your failures as a mindset. That the only reason to reminisce or dwell on them was to figure out what you learned and make sure you adjust your approach in such a way that you never have something similar happen again. This feedback loop can help us improve our skills, strategies, and decision-making processes. So really, losing can be a valuable opportunity for growth, as long as you have your mindset in the right place. Without this mindset in place, losing will continue to be losing. A constant loop of anti-growth! Slowly chopping yourself down.

Using a growth mindset creates resilience. When we face setbacks and failures, we develop the ability to bounce back and keep moving forward. We move away from our past tendencies of dwelling for dwelling sake. This resilience is a key factor in achieving success in your personal and professional life. At this point, my wife, family and friends are surprised when something actually shakes me. Most of the time, small "losses" lead to new ideas for me now. I will ask myself what we need to do differently, how do I approach this next time, what else could I have said or done? I don't let something ruin my day, week, month, LIFE. This has become more than a mindset and more of a lifestyle at this point in my life.

So how can we start seeing losing as winning? Here are some things that have stuck with me:

1. Reframe your perspective. Instead of seeing failure as a negative experience, try to see it as a chance to learn and grow. This shift in perspective can make all the difference in how you approach setbacks and failures. This is #1 for a reason. If you can not reframe your perspective and see failures as learning experiences and TRULY make a change, it will be nearly impossible to embrace any of this.
2. Embrace a growth mindset. Believe that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and dedication. This mindset can help you see failure as a natural part of the learning process. Don't ever put a ceiling on what you could learn. If you think you already know it all... then you are already failing (and you should learn from that!).
3. Focus on the process, not just the outcome. Instead of only focusing on the end result, pay attention to the steps you took along the way. This can help you identify areas for improvement and learn from your mistakes. A lot of times you MUST look at what lead to that failure, not just the failure itself. What lead me to ask my wife about her Italy trip 8 times in a row, you might ask? I didn't prepare! I just showed up to our date, didn't have any questions ready, just winging it hoping that my dad's Harley Davidson could do the talking for me! (Longer story available via DM!)
4. Be kind to yourself. When you experience failure, it's important to be kind and understanding towards yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer to a friend who was going through a tough time. Don't talk sh*t on yourself. If we are going to grow, then let's grow through positivity.
5. Keep moving forward. Don't let failure hold you back. Use it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and improve. Keep taking steps towards your goals, even if it means making mistakes along the way. This is my second #1 rule as well as the finisher here. One foot in front of the other. Who cares about yesterday if we have made a plan to change today?! We can finish this out with a quote from Magic Johnson, " In life, winning and losing will both happen. What is never acceptable is quitting."

In conclusion, losing can actually be winning if we choose to see it that way. So the next time you experience a setback or failure, it's just another chance to learn and grow.