Loosening those labels we give ourselves

I was particularly struck by a coaching client last week who described herself as lacking confidence, mainly because of feedback she had received.

Speaking to her, she clearly possessed inner confidence and knew where she could add value in a new senior role. However, as an introvert with low energy and a softly spoken voice, this confidence needed to come through in her impact with larger groups, especially leadership meetings.

The label she had given herself was paralysing her in moving forward, as she felt her “lack of confidence” was a significant barrier to overcome. The reality was a more straightforward task of working on her personal impact.?

The labels we give ourselves speak directly to our identity. They limit us when they hold us back from new challenges or from sharing our work with others.? I have always seen myself as “not creative” because I’m not very good at drawing! In the past, I assumed I wouldn’t be able to contribute innovative ideas in brainstorming sessions, so I wouldn’t always volunteer for them or fully participate.?

Labels like these often stem from a sense of not being "good enough" at something or feeling we don’t possess "enough" of a specific trait. They might come from feedback we’ve received, comparisons with others, or other external measures.??

When a characteristic or trait becomes a label, it shifts from being just one part of us to something that defines our entire self. This is the opposite of a growth mindset, which emphasises that we’re all capable of developing new skills and traits over time. Even if a trait doesn’t come naturally, we can improve with effort and practice.

So, how do you take off those labels?:

• Think about how you see feedback - it’s a subjective view from another person, reflecting how they see the world. That’s not to say it’s not valuable, but it is just data and not an objective fact. Be curious about it, explore it and get feedback from multiple sources.
• Spend some time considering your strengths, values and skills. Often, we don’t notice our strengths because we assume that as we find something easy, everybody else does too! That’s not the case.
• Try something new - not to win or be good at it, but just for the experience and learning it brings. I attended a cake decorating course earlier this year to loosen my “not creative” label. I won’t be going on Bake Off just yet, but I had a lot of fun, learnt lots, met some new people; the results looked pretty good and tasted just as delicious!
• I am a big fan of the word “yet”, which recognises that we are always a work in progress. So, “I’m no good at presentations” becomes “I’m not great at presentations yet, but I am practising and learning a lot and seeing improvements.”
• Look for past examples of where you have achieved things you never thought possible. I went from the label of “non-runner” (as I was nearly always last in the 1500 metres at school and hated cross country) to running a half marathon without stopping. I probably won’t do it again, but it did make me realise that I can do things I never would have dreamt of
• Recognise that identity changes. Seeing yourself as an “ex-procrastinator” or “reformed procrastinator” (for example) can help you drop a label. Ask yourself what an ex-procrastinator would do in this situation, knowing what they know about living in the former identity and breaking beyond it.

If you find that you can’t move forward because of limiting labels dragging you down, get in touch to see how a coaching programme with me can help. Whether it's overcoming limiting beliefs, discovering and leveraging your strengths or supporting the implementation of new strategies, I can give you the space, support and some gentle challenges to help you reach your full potential.