Looking for Love

Had the opportunity to review my twenty-two years of experience with an interdisciplinary team at the Kenora Association for Community Living supporting transitionally -aged Ojibway youth in Northwestern Ontario with diagnoses of Polysubstance abuse, Complex Post -Traumatic Stress Disorders and Intellectual Disabilities.

My heart has been touched by the book Legacy-Trauma, Story and Indigenous Healing by Suzanne Methot (2019). She speaks of "age-old philosophies of respect, reciprocity, responsibility and relationships, , which "continue to underpin our ( Indigenous ) communities despite the negative effects of colonization and settler colonialism", ( 2019, pg 3).

The Canadian Truth and Reconciliation Commission states that more than 150,000 Indigenous children between 1870 and 1996 were removed from their families and communities and placed in residential schools.Our team bears witness to the every- day outcomes of this genocide; repeated attempts at self-harm , disproportionate numbers of Indigenous youth in the child welfare systems and jails, addictions to escape despair, and a pervasive lack of trust and self-alienation. Suzanne writes " the ability of Indigenous peoples to maintain any form of culture or community in the face of genocide and colonialism speaks to a resiliency created by spirituality, humor, and a unique form of Indigenous adaptability characterized by an interplay between accommodation and resistance (2019, pg 18).We look for this , sometimes with minimal success, on streets that are filled with crystal methamphetamine, a soul and body-killing drug

In reviewing Judith Herman's seminal work ,Complex Trauma ( Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror , Basic Books, 1997), Suzanne writes " people who have experienced chronic trauma within the context of control are left with an altered sense of identity and self-perception , a lack of personal agency and a lack of faith in the value and meaning of their own lives .(2019, pg 43) An eighteen year old Ojibway youth tells me , "this place is amazing , I got exactly what I was looking for, free pop and chocolate bars" , a remarkable and understandable endorsement of a wretched jail , where he is entertaining offers from one of the Indigenous gangs represented there to enter a life of crime in which " I can be someone " , noting ," I cannot stand myself sober. " I remind him that he was almost shot when arrested, as he was carrying a pellet gun in his knapsack. He shrugs, and says " whatever " The Aboriginal Healing Foundation of Canada identifies the belief amongst Indigenous youth exposed to chronic trauma, ( in this case, the loss of five friends to suicide in three months) that any independent action will amount to insubordination and result in punishment, contributing to a fear of personal growth and healing.Our team is all too familiar with this concept as we search for resiliency as our clients relapse and self -sabotage recovery plans. Survivors of chronic trauma , experience a loss of control, a sense of helplessness.

Methot leaves me in tears as I read her summary of the effects of chronic trauma. She notes "thirteen year olds don't choose to turn tricks in townhouses rented by their internet- savvy pimps in Edmonton. Indigenous people in Vancouver's downtown East side don't choose to shoot up cocaine 15-29 times a day. Young , Indigenous men in North Central region don't choose to join gangs.Missing and Murdered Indigenous women don't choose to put themselves in dangerous situations in hotels and cars. They've been forced into these situations because they think their lives don't matter , because they look for meaning , because they feel they are not part of the real world, because they are shut down and not feeling anything, because they are self-medicating their pain, because they crave a sense of belonging and validation , because they are looking for love , and because they are unconsciously re-enacting the trauma they have witnessed or experienced in their own lives. Changing these behaviors isn't about making better choices, it's about healing from the trauma that impedes a person's ability to make choices.Someone who is angry , incapacitated by grief and fear , paralyzed by internalized shame , or who lacks a sense of identity and a corresponding sense of personal agency, isn't able to make choices.For many Indigenous people, choosing to heal is the first choice they have ever made." (2019, pg 48).

Wow! That helps a lot . I'm going to hang on to her teachings and hope and pray there will be better days ahead for all .I will respectfully continue to accept the responsibility of participating in relationships based on reciprocity, a celebration of shared humanness and an understanding of trauma;remaining hopeful that recovery is achievable.

Peace, Dr Bob King MD FRCPC