Looking forward to the last third (may be) of my life

A few weeks ago I celebrated a birthday. Not a big one, but one that was big enough to make me stop and think. Think about how long I have been around already, but also about how much longer there may be. One thing is sure, I am coming into the last third of my life. Well, it might be a lot less than that, but, without more certainty, I am going to stick to the optimistic last third. That is sobering enough.

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Scarcity naturally generates anxiety and this is how I feel. Suddenly there is pressure. When to stop working? What are all the places to visit still on my bucket list? What am I going to DO in the next 30 years? Should I assume I will only be healthy for another 20 of those max and plan accordingly? What legacy do I want to leave or does it even matter?

Regrets at 85 is not a great option so I feel I must get this right!

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Let’s start with WORK. When I left @reckitt in 2017 I was done with work. My mother was a bit concerned that I would retire so young. But I was tired and lucky that I did not need to work (much) going forward. Yet, as I started to feel myself again, it was obvious that not working at all was not going to be viable. I needed to use my brain. And I needed to be able to say something when people were asking me what I was up to. And that could not be only ‘I play golf’! It is a long time since I have felt that my seniority at work defines how worthy I am but, doing no work at all did make me feel unhinged. So, when should I retire? My sister -in-law recently said to me ‘Why talk about retiring? Just think of some days you work, some you don’t. And keep doing it as long as it works for you.’ I like that. Sounds so much less definitive than retiring. So I will keep working as long as I enjoy it and it works for me.

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TRAVEL is the other big one. Many of our friends seem to be travelling the world on a semi permanent basis. There is something very exciting around the escape as well as the discoveries travel provides. I am up for it. But, it also feels somewhat decadent and shallow. Not sure why. May be it is because travel transports you into a world that is, in many ways, not real. And when so much is going on right now, it feels like you are cashing out. A little works but not too much.

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30 years – if that’s what it is – is a long TIME. And yet, how do you not waste it? There is pressure to do something useful. Is it wrong not to be supporting a social cause, or help in the community? Do I need to ‘make a difference’, whatever this means? People have suggested I follow my passions, except that I don’t have any great passion. I am happy to learn anything. And yes, I am incensed and frustrated by many things I see unfolding around me and in the world. My active brain makes me want to help solve big societal issues, but my lack of experience in this area makes me feel utterly helpless at getting started. Should I focus instead on helping one person at a time? My friends? My neighbours? This is still very much spinning in my head. Good job I may have a few years to refine my thinking!

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All the data on living longer better says that social interactions and purpose are really important. I am lucky that I have a few very good friends who I speak to or see regularly. ?Golf has also given me some new connections, sharpened my average step count and also given me new ambitions – getting my handicap down, winning my next game… I must admit that here again, as I type this, it does feel shallow. Really? Is golf going to be an important part of the next 30 years? ?That feels decadent and somewhat disconnected from the real world. Well, time will tell. I certainly see many ladies at the club in their early 80s still incredibly healthy, sharp and having great fun But is this enough?

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I have just been introduced to the idea of the blue zones, the 5 places in the world where an abnormally high number of people live into their 90s, and live well. I very much like the idea from @DanBuettner that in those areas people are not trying not to die, they are actually trying to keep living. That is a real challenge and I see it daily with our ageing parents. My mother, who is 87, lives in a senior residence. She has a flat, lives independently but has home and medical support should she need it. She shares her lunches with other elderly in the restaurant, takes part in organised activities and outings, plays games. So basically, she has a pretty good life compared to many. Yet there are days when she wonders why she is still here. ‘What is the point?’ she says. Obviously, I try and cheer her up – she did win at bingo last week, didn’t she? She is coming soon to visit us in England! But deep down I hear her. As the end approaches, and still without knowing when it will come, there can be dismay at another day to face.

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So where does this leave me. It is strange that I felt compelled to write something about this topic. It could have been just another birthday. But is is on my mind. What does a good final third look like?

In the meantime, since I started thinking about writing we have heard of a couple more people my age diagnosed with cancer who are probably closer to the end that they ever imagined or wished for. This is the irony of it all. You need to live the day like this is nearly the end, and yet the end may take a long time to come. So you need to live to the full, yet pace yourself; keep exploring new things to do, unsure at any time whether you will get to do it all or on the other hand, will get bored of it!

That’s life I suppose. Keep calm and carry on!