Looking backward
Looking backward
I find myself in a position where I often focus on the past. Instead of realizing what I currently have, I am haunted by what was lost over the years - my children and the life we could have had.
This does me no justice because I am unable to change what has happened and it often awakens me in the middle of the night. My mind races with thoughts that does not allow me to fall back asleep.
Much like you, I have been dealt a losing hand of cards that were stacked against me. We try to shove all our chips into the pot but many times, our opponent is too crafty and the dealer (in this case, the family courts) is supporting them.
In the end, we and our children lose everything. Parent and child relationships are lost. Familial bonds are broken and happy memories are never created.
When this occurs, all we can do is, hope that when the time arrives, our children will awaken from their slumber and realize they have been living in a world of lies and betrayal by a parent who uses them as a tool to destroy us.
Though it may take months or even years, I hope our children open their eyes to the truth about what happened to them. For myself, we need to live our lives and remain healthy in every way imaginable. I hope you feel the same.
In the meantime, I cannot allow myself to continue looking back lest I stumble over what is in front of me.