Are You Being Fooled by Appearances?

The good news is that I'm pretty good at spotting patterns. I can usually discern quite a bit of information from the way someone walks, talks or looks. The bad news is that - like most people - these superficial clues often lead me astray.

In the first 60 seconds of meeting someone, you can't tell whether they have a generous spirit or a remarkable talent. In fact, most of what you learn fastest matters the least.

Many years ago, I travelled frequently to Hong Kong. After about ten visits, I realized the extent to which many people there invested heavily in their public image, so much so that their personal lives suffered. Professionals would live in a subpar apartment so that they could afford a nicer car, which gave colleagues and potential customers the impression that they were more successful.

First impressions were everything. In many industries, they still are.

The problem with first impressions is that they are superficial and easily manipulated. Instead of focusing on them, you are better off digging deeper into who a person is and what he or she actually stands for.

This takes a lot of digging.

Most of us don't know what we stand for until we face a big crisis, opportunity or decision. It's easy to give pat answers in an interview, but you learn a lot when you have to choose between a promotion and moving your high school senior to a new school.

So it takes work to understand what drives a person who isn't even sure of the right answer.

To offer two examples, when I dig deeper here is what might happen:

1. I hit pay dirt and discover that the person in front of me is quite special. I find qualities that were not apparent at first, and my extra effort is handsomely rewarded.

2. I'm disappointed because a person who at first appeared so promising is, say, actually more of a talker than a doer. Here, too, the extra effort is worth it because I learned not to depend too heavily on that person.

In business and in life, human relationships matter most. Invest the extra time, and learn more about the people you encounter.

Bruce Kasanoff ghostwrites social media articles for business professionals like you. He is the author of How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.