Look after your thoughts

Have you ever considered how many thoughts you have per day? Based on the recent study experts from Queen’s University in Canada estimated we have typically more than 6,000 thoughts per day and as the previous studies showed most of them are negative. Our brain is programmed to focus more on negative thoughts because it is trying to protect us from possible danger. Once a negative thought enters your mind you start to analyse the situation, thinking how to resolve the potential threat, playing out all possible scenarios, etc. It’s time-consuming due to all the evaluation needed. On the other hand, positive thoughts tell us everything is fine, hence there is no need to think about them for too long.

What’s interesting is that every time you have a thought your body releases chemicals and makes you feel good or bad, depends on your thought. And it does not matter if the thought is real or imaginary. Think about the situation when you were stressed. I remember when I was waiting to see if I got the job I really wanted. The moment I received a call with a final decision my muscles tensed, my heartbeat increased, my hands started to sweat. And it happened in a split second.

I am a strong believer that your thoughts have a direct impact on how you feel, how you behave, and consequently on the quality of the life you are living. It hasn’t been the case in the past. Before reading “Change your brain, change your life” by psychologist Daniel G. Amen I didn’t even think about the quality of my thoughts, nor if they were true or not. Whatever I was thinking I took as given and went on with my life. The book was an eye-opener. I realised I didn't have to believe every thought I had (such a relief!). I saw that with a bit of effort I can train my thoughts to be more positive. All I had to do is to identify and challenge negative thoughts.

Daniel G. Amen in his book identified 9 types of ANTs – Automatic Negative Thoughts:

ANT#1: All-or-nothing thinking – seeing things in black and white, something is good or bad, nothing in between.

ANT#2: “Always” thinking – thinking in always, never, no one, everyone, every time, everything categories, generalising one event and thinking it will always repeat.

ANT#3: Focusing on negative – seeing only the bad side of the situation and omitting positive aspects.

ANT#4: Fortune telling – predicting the worst possible outcome, taking the initial negative situation as an indication that more negative things will follow.

ANT#5: Mind reading – believing that you know what the other person is thinking without even asking them.

ANT#6: Thinking with your feelings – believing your negative thoughts without checking if you have a real reason to feel that way, usually starts with I feel.

ANT#7: Guilt beatings – when you think you should, must, ought, have to do something and beating yourself up when you don’t do it.

ANT#8: Labelling – attaching a negative label to an event, another person, or yourself.

ANT#9: Blaming – thinking others are responsible for all the bad and negative in your life.

As I wasn’t a victim of all the ANTs, some were on full power: “always” thinking, focusing on negative, guilt beatings. How many times I thought I should be doing more and if I didn’t I was beating myself up. It only brought additional pressure and made me feel down. I made myself feel down without even realising it. How disappointing is that?!

We don’t grasp how often we are the cause of our own misery, yet I think it is safe to say that our goal is the opposite: to have a happy life. It is true to me. That’s why I was willing to take my thoughts under the microscope. I started to be on the lookout for negative thoughts. Whenever one crossed my mind, I asked myself the below questions:

1.            What are the automatic thoughts running through my mind?

2.            What is the credible evidence for my thought?

3.            What is the credible evidence against the thought?

4.            What’s the alternative thought?

Is it the easiest process? I don’t think so. You need to consciously stop yourself and assess what you are thinking at the moment. But most importantly you need to remember to do just that. With the fast-paced life we all live it takes self-discipline. For me personally, it took a while to be consistent and pick up on the negative thoughts. Sometimes it was easy to run through the questions and create an alternative thought. On different occasions, I had to sit with myself few times to process one particular thought. Usually, those were the most absurd and unrealistic ones but the most important to address. When your thoughts go into a spiral literally say STOP to gain power over your thoughts. I really like the analogy: if your child runs towards a busy street would you kindly ask him to come back? No! You would shout STOP to ensure your child is safe. I decided to approach myself with the same kindness. On the days I struggled more to stop my thoughts I used one of the below options to support the process, and would recommend them to anyone:

• distract yourself with physical tasks: iron your clothes, cook something, go for a walk, exercise.
• incorporate mindfulness meditation into your life to be more present in the moment and learn to accept the thoughts as they arise allowing them to pass without focusing on them.
• make a habit of thinking or listing things you are grateful for or you appreciate in your life. People who do that on a regular basis are healthier, achieve more of their goals, have a more optimistic outlook on life, and are more helpful to others. And when you focus on positives you don’t think about negative things as we can only hold one thought at a time.
• review who are the people you spent the most time with and if they have a negative influence reduce the time you spend with them or eliminate them from your life. For example, when you are working towards your goals and you have people who put you down they will slow down your progress. They become one more obstacle which you need to overcome in order to achieve your goal.
• perform small acts of kindness to increase well-being.

At the end of the day, thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. Yet at times we take what we think as if we are 100% correct in our thinking. Do I now think only positive thoughts? No! But currently, the negative ones are easier to spot, and when I see how absurd some of the thoughts are, I smile to myself and let them go. Definitely, this is a lifetime process but you, same as me, have a choice: you can work on policing your thoughts and live life on your terms by choosing thoughts you focus on or allow your thoughts to run your life on your behalf. What will you choose?