Longing for Home

Fred Rogers said that one of the strongest things we have to wrestle with is the significance of longing for perfection...in ourselves, the people bound to us by friendship, or parenthood or childhood. Along the fruitful journey of psychological excavation in my role as a psychotherapist and a human being, I've learned that we face many unanswered questions long before the answers are discovered. The great poet Rainer Maria Rilke encourages us to be patient towards all that is unsolved in our hearts and to stretch our comfort levels by actually learning to love the questions themselves. That's a big stretch.

How do we love the questions, none-the-less gravel with the process of actually honoring our feelings once the revelation occurs. Our ego searches for answers to surpass the pain of emotion. We are surrounded with messages about staying positive, thinking right, and choosing our attitudes about given situations that it makes me wonder where the fine line is drawn between these and the messy process of baring witness to our pain and suffering. Without realizing it, we've divided emotions into "good" and "bad" categories and become people committed to "not seeing", which only gives power to the unresolved issues of our past or the repressed emotions we have yet to identify and work through. Where do we go from here?

Finding meaning in all our life experiences is the hallmark of existential living. We must embrace everything we face, or what some would say, 'the good, the bad and the ugly.' The work is simple, not necessarily easy, and yet most definitely worth the expansive effort. Practicing gratitude for all that unfolds, for the lessons we learn, and the ways that we grow, is how we continue to evolve. Along the way, something magical happens and we begin to see how the story really goes and fits together.

So this week, I turn to Mr. Fred Rogers. The man who first came on the airwaves 50 years ago on Monday, being a friend and neighbor to so many of us. A man who simplified the complicated with his kindness and gentleness, pulling us in with his soft and safe energy, candidly talking about love and respect, friendship, conflict and relationships, holding space for feelings, and being true to our unique self in ways both young and old could understand. His capacity for understanding, forgiveness and embracing the splendid imperfection in all of us (ourselves included) seemed endless. So this week, I honor you, Mr. Rogers! You welcomed me into a world full of love that legacies on. I am so glad you showed up and created a neighborhood where everyone belonged, no matter what! Imagine my surprise to learn of your favorite quote by Mary Lou Kownacki, "There isn't anyone you couldn't love once you've heard their story!" I guess I really shouldn't be surprised at all!