The long term impact of teasing

I have always known that bullying affects children's mental health but today the long-term and devastating impact of 'teasing' was powerfully brought home to me. I had a conversation with a woman in her forties who told me about her experiences in primary school and how these shattered her confidence and self-belief. This has had consequences for the rest of her life - on decisions made and opportunities missed. Her life would have been so different if she had not been the target of on-going, year on year unkindness. The worst thing is that she saw these bullies as her friendship group, the girls she hung around with. "They laughed at me, at the things I did, the clothes I wore, the person I was...so I was constantly full of shame, embarrassment". There were no bruises or verbal abuse as such so she did not realise this insidious undermining of her sense of self until she was grown up. But now, looking back. she sees what happened for what it was and the repercussions it has had on the rest of her life. "For years I was uncertain whether I would be accepted for who I am so it has been hard to take risks, reach out to people and just be myself. I have never really felt good enough."

This was the in the days before social media and the relentless cyber bullying that makes such behaviour inescapable. No wonder many kids are reluctant to go to school and that anxiety and depression are at worrying levels. What happens in schools creates the future - not just in terms of passing exams and getting a job but in who children become. We owe it to every single student to ensure that their experiences in education, including the social aspects, are positive and affirming, enabling them to become the best of themselves. This includes both those who are hurt and those who may not realise the damage they are inflicting on others. Giving pupils agency to determine the emotional climate of their class so it is a safe place for everyone would be a start.