Long Live the Thank-You Note

Throughout my childhood in Atlanta, Georgia, my mother taught me to treat correspondence with reverence. She was very "old school," as they say, perfectly Southern in every way, especially in the way of thank-you notes. I learned to thank everyone for everything: a party invitation, a kind gesture, a book from a favorite teacher, paper dolls from a neighborhood friend.

"The world is full of gifts," mother would say, "if we would only look around."

And so, in the days after a birthday party or another special occasion, I would perch myself at the kitchen table and stare at the frightful sight of the blank notecard. What to say? Like writers across the ages, I was always stumped. 

"I don't know what to write," I'd say to my mother.

"Thank them," she'd say. 

And so I'd write the words down, using my best cursive. Thank you.

"Perfect," she'd say. "Now keep going. It doesn't have to be long."

I'd tap the pencil against my forehead, willing my mind to form thoughtful sentences worthy of my mother's stationery. (To paraphrase Mark Twain, the briefest writing always takes the longest.) In time, I would eventually learn the secrets to writing a short, sweet thank-you note — a skill that seems so very rare these days, lost as we are in a tsunami of direct messages and email blasts. Today, when students and young professionals ask for my advice to advance their careers, I share this page from my own mother's playbook. Gratitude never goes out of style.

A little gratitude gets you noticed

Expressing genuine appreciation is proven to be one of the keys to professional success. If you happen to be applying for a job, you can bet that your interview competition is most likely sending generic follow-up emails to the hiring manager (courteous at best, rote at the very worst). As an interviewer of thousands of candidates over the years, I can attest: After a while, even the most impressive applicants can start to sound the same. What I remember are the small gestures, those personal kindnesses that are the hallmark of the most thoughtful people, and who doesn't love to receive real mail? I'm a fan of beautiful penmanship, elegant stationery design, paper that charms. I absolutely love it when the writer follows up on some curious train of thought from our earlier conversation — with a witty rejoinder, a fleeting detail, or some new bit of information. Those are the types of team members every organization needs. 

The human touch is what matters most

In the New York Times, fashion publicist Cristiano Magni explains that the value of a handwritten note is directly proportional to the time and effort required to write one: "It is so important, in a digital world," she says, "to have the dignity to sit down and write something in your own hand." When you think of social media messaging, dignity is not the precise word that comes to mind. Indeed, that's what a handwritten note is: a token of interpersonal esteem. With loneliness and isolation becoming increasingly problematic in the U.S., the intimacy of a handwritten note from one person to another is a healing act, a kindness on a most human scale. 

What's good for the heart is good for the body

My parents taught me that gratitude is good manners; science reveals that it's good for our health, too. Learning to express appreciation has been show to lengthen the attention span, improve sleep, ease depression, and even lower blood pressure. "Research shows that when we think about what we appreciate, the parasympathetic or calming part of the nervous system is triggered and that can have protective benefits on the body," writes health journalist Lauren Dunn. Those benefits include an increase in "oxytocin, the bonding hormone involved in relationships that make us feel so good." How amazing is that? Even small expressions of gratitude, especially those that require us to contemplate through the act of writing, are good for body and spirit.

What to write, when you don't know what to write

So, what makes a good thank-you note? From my experience, the letters that linger on my desk for days are those that evince one quality above all others: specificity. Resist the generic! When following-up after an interview, stay your hand from writing this: "I enjoyed meeting you and learning about the company. I hope to hear from you soon." Write something no other candidate could write. Did you discuss the future of your industry, or bond over a shared love of a certain television show or pastime? Remind your interviewers; you'll conjure up the memory of the interview and get them thinking about you all over again. That's good news for a candidate hoping to get noticed in a stack of CVs.

Materials matter

A handwritten thank-you note also serves as a physical reminder of your gratitude, so give consideration to your choice of paper and pen. I love the stately embossing and heavy stock of my Crane stationary, and I adore the simplicity of design — a bee, mid-flight — on my Smythson notecards, a generous gift from a friend after the publication of my memoir. For a pen, my go-to is the Pilot Varsity. The nib is perfectly balanced and the ink flows at the perfect rate, nice and wide. I love a strong, bold line in my implements. The color of the ink is an important consideration, too. My advice is to avoid black. Dark green or purple ink can make your notes stand out — in a good way.

My personal hero in the thank-you letter division is my dear friend Alice Jepson, one of SCAD’s inaugural Savannah Women of Vision. She is admirably warm, prompt, and personal with all her notes, and her handwriting is so graceful it could be in a penmanship text. She sometimes will even tuck a feather from one of her hens in with her note or include a favorite line of poetry. That sort of thoughtfulness wins blue ribbons in the thank-you note writing category.

Each time I ready myself to write, I feel my mother's presence reminding me to take my time, to consider the weight of my words, and above all else, to be genuine. At SCAD, one of our missional priorities is to prepare students to present their best selves in every professional milieu. Gratitude draws out the best in everyone, and the world is full of gifts, if we would only look around.