The Long Con(dren) #3 – Something actually happens?!

The LinkedIn Man had been walking for days.

His feet started to hurt. Possibly down to the lack of heart reacts and absolutely nothing else, honest.

“Jesus” The LinkedIn Man muttered. “This has the same feeling as reading posts with more than 5 paragraphs”.

Shuddering at the thought, he stood still, and looked upwards at the sky.

“Oi! Big voice!”.

“WHAT”.

“I've been walking for days now, there's nothing here”.

“WAIT, WHY'VE YOU BEEN WALKING”

“I assumed there was something I'm meant to do here?” The LinkedIn Man questioned, whilst shrugging.

“NO, YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE MEANT TO WAIT FOR MONDAY, THEN I'LL TAKE YOU TO YOUR NEXT DESTINATION”.

“IT IS MONDAY” He shouted.

“WAIT, IT IS? OH SHI-”

A beam of light engulfed The LinkedIn Man, as he angrily shook his fist at the sky, uttering numerous swear words that were completely justified in this context.

Within a second, he was transported to a gigantic looking city.

The architecture was sleek and modern, primarily coloured in blue and white.

LIM (Editors Note: I'm shortening this, it's a ballache to write) dropped his jaw. He recognized this place.

“Oh no...” he whispered.

All of a sudden, a person walked up to him.

“You're LIM, aren't you” They asked.

“Who's asking!” LIM responded, putting up his guard that even a 3-year-old could turn into mush.

“My name is Algo Ithm. I was told by a very loud voice that you can solve an issue I'm having?”

“Perhaps... why, what's the issue? And why's your name literally sound like algori-”

“I need to find someone. But I just can't find them. Can you help?” Algo said, cutting him off.

LIM was a bit hesitant.

“Why exactly should I?”

“Because you made me” Algo said.

Don't the weeks just fly by, chaps? Doesn't even feel like time's made progress. Like, we're stuck in a perpetual loop of the same shit over and over.

But enough about me complaining, you're here for the good stuff. And oh, I aim to deliver.

If this is your first time seeing this newsletter, here's what's in store:

1. A continuation of The LinkedIn Man's journey.
2. My top posts of the week.
3. People I think you should connect with or follow.
4. And a new section debuting directly in this version.

Read the last few, context matters, and I love you. You deserve lovable context.

Anyway, on with the show!

Posts I think you should take a look at…

1. Helping out the Eastern homies!

My amigos. My friends. My colleagues. My peers.

I don't care where you're from. If you put pen to paper, finger to key, I consider you my equal. Place of birth does not designate status.

I had been getting quite a few DMs. It's kinda... sad? Not in a negative way, but in my perception of the situation they're in.

It IS difficult for an Eastern writer to work with Western clients. It is. Fluent English, nasty stereotypes, and, let's just say it outright, racist views, are the gatekeepers for landing work.

2 of my mentees are Eastern, and they're fantastic people. (Hey guys, if you even read this, you big stinkers)

Their passion is unrestrained, their work ethic is gigantic, and they're all around great people.

1 of them actually landed a western client recently, and I'm dead proud of them!

But the key takeaway here, is really brush up on that English. That's the starting point. The rest can come after, but if you're starting from the beginning, get that under the wraps.

Then, I'll help you take advantage of that sweet exchange rate.

2. Am I, the CEO/HR Manager, wrong about SEO being a necessity for Copywriting? No, it's the copywriter telling me I'm wrong, who is wrong.

This little post right here seemed to have a few fighters in the comments.

That's completely fine, I'm glad you've exposed yourself as someone I will never work with.

If you're a writer, you'll probably have seen a few job postings with the title “Copywriter”, only to look at the description and see that's actually social media management, content writing, or editing.

And nearly EVERY SINGLE TIME, there'll be a requirement for SEO.

Let me clear it up for the people at the back, I know you're not happy with me right now, and I don't really give a shit either.

SEO has nothing to do with Copywriting fundamentals.

It is a NICHE of Copywriting.

The reason WHY SEO has nothing to do with Copywriting, is because Copywriting primarily writes copy that performs in a funnel.

That means advertisements, emails, landing pages, and anything else of a similar ilk.

You don't SEO optimize an email. You don't SEO optimize a landing page. You don't SEO optimize an advertisement.

If you're leaving ANY of them online for longer than is required, then that means two things. It didn't work, and you're praying to some god that it'll magically just work out somehow, or it's a control ad.

A control ad is the ad that's already MAKING YOU MONEY AS PART OF YOUR FUNNEL. IT'S ALREADY GETTING TENS OF A THOUSAND OF CLICKS, WHY DOES IT NEED FUCKING SEO OPTIMIZING?!

*cough* sorry.

And to explain an SEO Copywriter, they support an SEO Analyst's strategy, by optimizing the copy for search engines, whilst also crafting the copy to sell. It is a niche. It's a niche. Once again. It. Is. A. Niche.

3. Get off my back, personal branders, I know my strategy.

A tasty little meme to address everyone who seems to think I don't know what I'm doing.

Harmless to many, hurtful to some. If it hurts you, keep hurtin'. Otherwise, have a giggle, let's move on with our lives.

Only stinky people don't follow these guys... (Up and Coming Edition)

The glorious, wonderful, Ben Milsom . Look at that face. I'd eat my dinner off that. In a platonic way, of course.

Putting the awkward, and quite frankly, harassing comments aside, did you know that Ben was actually my first LinkedIn homie ever since I started taking this all seriously?

Ever since our first conversation, we've just kept being buddies. He's even critiqued some of my emails, with emails being the thing he's REALLY good at.

And I know something that you don't know. Let's just say, connect and follow right this second. Trust me, now is the time.

Look at this little ragamuffin. Look at him. Look.

Considering his thumbnail isn't showing up (as of writing), maaayybeee you should change your settings to public, ey, Alfie W. ?

Alfie is the pure example of not giving a shit about what the algorithm wants. He's here to entertain and, quite possibly, create a community based on humour.

I think he does something with property? Property... marketing? I dunno, guys, you'll have to check out his profile for me, and clear it up. I'll need your help with that one.

Anyway, he's an extremely likeable guy, and I haven't regretted adding him to my network. Here's 2 images I've made about him to end things off. Feel free to steal 'em for your own Alfie related communications.

Look at Hadiqa Waseem . Look at her.

Hadiqa's absolutely been nailing it recently, and I love to see it.

She's a bit ahead of me in terms of our LinkedIn journeys, but hey, I know quality people when I see quality people.

Her posts are really nailing it right now. There's a post about brains. A post about ad campaigns. A post slam dunking people who think copywriting is easy. Even a few selfies here and there.

She's got the complete package. Brains and charm.

Look, if I haven't sold you on her already, there's nothing else I can do. So go away you! Go! Leave! Get outta here!

Or, click that profile link, connect or follow, and introduce a high-quality LinkedIn person to your network.

Click the link, damn you!

An Introduction to Cold Emailing in a Not so Shit Way.

That's right, the new section is all about cold emailing. Something that keeps bread in my pantry, orange juice in my fridge, and impulse purchases coming thick and fast.

I guess you can consider this the foundation of a course? Right now, there'll be no structure, just tips and tricks. But hey, with enough newsletters in the bank, there may be something of value, ey?

Cold Email Tip #1 – Save your effort for the work.

When I started, I made these super, hyper-personalised emails.

Entertaining, long, massive goliaths of emails. Here's one of them:

You're probably looking at this and thinking, “Holy moley, do I have to write long ass emails like that?”

And the answer is no. No, you absolutely do not have to do that.

In fact, that's overkill. I could've been writing simple emails all this time for the same effect.

Because, remember. The purpose of a cold email isn't to sell a service.

It's to turn a cold prospect, into a warm prospect.

And to do that, half the battle is just talking to them. Asking questions about goals, what they want to achieve, shit like that.

And then, you take their problem, and mix it into your services.

So, to demonstrate a shorter email, look at this instead:

Same effect. Long, short, they can all reach the same goal.

So, to answer the question, how much effort does a cold email require?

It's entirely up to you. But if you're just starting, I'd recommend keeping it short and sweet. Quantity is the game when you begin.

And that's the end of the 3rd edition? Did you like it? Think it's shit? Want to dogpile on me in the comments?

Do it then, dare ya'. We will fight. And you will beat me up.

Like last time, feel free to use anything in this newsletter for your posts. Screenshots are free game.

But do leave me a little react and a comment if you made it this far. Think I've bloody earned one if you're here!

Adios, amigos. Cuidarse!