Is It Lonely At The Top?
If you are the executive of a company, then there are a lot of responsibilities that you have to carry on your shoulders. You are in charge of the entire company or a division, its activities and finances and all of the people in the professional food chain. Many executives that I speak to report about 'executive isolation'; when you're at the top of the chain of command, it can be difficult to build genuine relationships with those around you and to know who to go to when you need advice and support. In a study conducted at Stanford University, it was reported that nearly 66% of CEOs do not receive any coaching or leadership advice from external consultants or coaches.
In theory, you have a whole company filled with employees who you could call on at any time to vent your frustrations to or seek advice from, but a number of potential issues arise with this. When it comes to your subordinates, it can be difficult to develop close, trusting relationships because there may be an element of doubt in your mind regarding their motivations. When offering you advice they might just be simply telling you want they think you want to hear because you're the boss and you sign the payslips. Even if people do respect you, like you and wish to get close to you, your suspicion and mistrust of people's motives could lead you to perceive yourself as being isolated by others. This can contribute to feelings of loneliness even if you do have people around you.
Your subordinates may also be less inclined to approach you and less willing to offer you help or advice, either because they are intimidated by you as a powerful authority figure, or they might even be jealous of you for your success in this role. This inability to trust or get close to the people in your company can make it an incredibly lonely place, even if you are surrounded by hundreds of employees. Plus, there are always certain topics of conversation that you might not feel comfortable talking to your subordinates about, or issues that should remain confidential.
There are two types of trust in relationships. The first, and easier to gain, is predictive trust. That is, if I ask you to do something I know that you will deliver on time to a high standard. The second, and harder type of trust is vulnerability trust. This is where you feel comfortable bringing an issue or situation to the relationship for help and input. Opening up and sharing a perceived vulnerability leads to deeper relationships and better outcomes.
It is important for most Executives that you do find someone you can speak to, someone who you trust or are prepared to build trust with, even if they are just there to lend an ear; a friend or spouse for example who, even if they might not understand your business and the issues you face can still provide you with an outlet for your worries, emotions and can offer moral support and guidance. Alternatively, you can develop a professional network of leaders, ones who are not a competitive threat to you and your company so that you can trust them enough to talk about your professional challenges freely, but that have experience of dealing with similar issues that come from being in a leadership role.
Perhaps Isolation and loneliness are self-created? We read about it a lot and therefore is it expected? It doesn’t have to be this way, you have to make the mindset change and seek support that works for you supporting your leadership, confidence and personal well-being.