The Lonely Life of Working from Home

Humans are social animals. Without human interaction, we get lonely. For many of us, we thought the long commutes to an office, the arguments over the smelly thing in the fridge, and the long tradeshow days were a price we paid to have a job--only to find once they were taken away that they were things we secretly needed all along. What do we do now that they are gone?

"You don't gotta go to work. But you gotta put in work." --Work from Home, Fifth Harmony (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

New research gives us some insight into how we can prevent loneliness.

1. Every day, feed your "Monkeysphere"

Personal or professional, most humans maintain a network of about 150 people that are important to them. This is called a "Monkeysphere" or Dunbar's Number. Don't feel tempted to be everything to everyone on your friends list or contact list. Prioritize.

You feed a relationship by making time for a person, sharing in their experience, or simply giving them something. According to research, this can happen in person, by phone or Zoom call, or by social media. It may feel less satisfying to not see a person "in-person"--but it counts. Make a few minutes to connect to a colleague that matters to you and ask them about their day. Reach out to a valued mentor and seek advice by email. Comment on a LinkedIn post of someone you admire. Even better, send an unsolicited compliment or offer to help with something they need. Connecting with 5 people a day means you will have fed your whole Monkeysphere in a month. Staying connected with your Monkeysphere is the most important way to maintain your social support--which is the best way avoid feeling lonely.

2. Maintain an attitude of "gritty optimism"--and stay focused on what gives you purpose

James Stockdale, Vice Presidential candidate and previous prisoner of war, was asked what mindset made him survive his captivity. His answer was what is referred to as "The Stockdale Paradox":

"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

First, what is the thing that gives you professional faith? What is your reason for waking up every morning and doing what you do? When you have inspiration that comes from within, or a clear purpose that drives you, it is easier to deal with the day-in day-out difficulties of work. But interestingly, research shows that having a sense of purpose keeps the loneliness at bay. Perhaps because it makes you feel like you are contributing to your Monkeysphere even when you are all alone.

However, while you should have a sense of purpose, and a belief that you will be victorious in your mission, and that your mission is worthy--you must also avoid unbridled optimism. Facing your bitter reality in the here and now is just as important as having a purpose.

3. Practice regular self-care and manage stress

Stress magnifies the feeling of loneliness, and the feeling of loneliness magnifies stress. The further you get into the pattern of not taking care of your basic needs and feelings, the easier it is to neglect yourself. Plan for breaks each day. Take your lunch every day. Take walks outdoors, experience nature daily. Get eight hours of sleep. If you are a leader, encourage your team to take the time they need to function their best. The whole company will be the better for it.

On one of those breaks, check out this video or this video about working from home, and keep that gritty optimism!