Lonely Leadership

Leadership comes with many benefits, let’s face it that's why so many of us strive to the top. ?We get to set vision and direction, build strategy and bold plans. ?We get to show others how to get there, and then bring everyone along for the journey by engaging them in the dream, often your dream. ?Looking back on our successes is not something we often do, but when we take the time to glance behind us, we see the fruits of our labour and leadership and think proudly, "I had a big part in that".

We also have the privilege of sitting at the top tables, watching other masters at work, being involved in the broader direction and decisions of a business. ?Our voice is heard, sought out. ?There are times when safety in numbers feels good, the tough decisions are shared by all at that table, it isn't a personal weight to bear. ?Should it go wrong, you can understand collectively what you had missed and work through the solution together.

You also get to help grow and develop others. ?You cast a far and wide leadership shadow, that people you don't even know, fall under. ?Mentoring, sponsoring, coaching the next custodians of the brand. ?Shaping the future because of your position now.? You can cultivate an organisation's culture, by the way you treat others and actively demonstrate the behaviours and values you wish to see in the business. ?You get to lead the way...and you’ve worked hard to get here.

But let’s be honest, leadership can also be a lonely, isolating place. ?Often those top tables look and sound collaborative, but in reality, it’s a child’s game of top trumps. Priorities, budgets, papers, headcount, importance, a battle of the egos, he or she who peacocks the most wins the day. ?Showing vulnerability is a dangerous game. ?Admitting you don't have the perfect hand or understand entirely another’s field may uncover all those other things you didn't know along the way on your climb to the top.

If your peers don’t hear your view on a particular subject, see you actively engage or think for a moment you have gaps in your skillset, then the game is up. You'll be found out.? It’ll be over.

We see this so much in leadership teams.? Everyone getting along on the surface, discussion vibrant and equally agreeable and challenging. ?To an untrained outsider (or 'talented' empty chair) this appears to be a productive, collaborative meeting, an impressive display of leadership. ?But to a leadership coach, we see a whole different game at play. ?We observe closely and read between the lines, noticing the subtle eye movements, the twitching. The interruptions, those listening simply to speak, those speaking simply to say something. ?The chair (or lack of) losing control. ?The chat overtaking the purpose, every sentence starting with "I think..."

The exhaustion in the eyes of the person as we go around again, not making a decision that is fully balanced, moving past opportunities or concerns whilst focusing on trivial points.? Missing the people aspects of a decision, or over working the opinions of others on a well research paper by an expert in their field.

These are all signs of a team without psychological safety.? All pretending this is ok, all going with the flow meeting after meeting.? Individuals thinking this is a waste of time, or noticing although they’ve spoken three times, no one has heard their voice.? Not trusting each other or working together for the good of everyone, waiting simply to get back to their silo.? Alone, sailing their own ship, that once in a while has to dock in this crazy, busy port.

Leadership can be a lonely place if we don’t break down these barriers to true collaboration and teamwork.? It takes some effort and a lot of bravery but here are some suggestions to get you started:

·????? Play to your strengths. What is your field of expertise? Are you good at spotting errors, or missed opportunities?? Are you a great planner, or can you see alternative perspectives.? Bring this to the table, share this generously.

·????? Know where you don’t add value.? If for example you’ve read a paper, and it’s not your expertise, think, “Do I have a view?? Do I think they have missed anything?’? If not, say so.? “I have nothing to add, it was a great paper.”

·????? Say when you don’t understand something.? Don’t apologise for it, simply address it “Can you help me understand…?”

·????? Time check.? In meetings be the one to call out, “We’ve 20 mins left and already running behind. ?Do we want to continue with this, or can we take a decision and move on?”

·????? Ask for help.? If you have something you are struggling with, ask a peer for their view, or advice.? Sharing that you can’t do everything allows them to do the same.? This builds trust and an honest narrative forms between you.

·????? Offer to help others.? Being the support for someone else, helps you understand their world a little better and builds a non-judgemental space that says “Its ok, I want to help you succeed.”

Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely.? If we can remove the fear of being seen as not perfect, show our gaps, ask for and offer help, admit failure and celebrate other’s successes.? Learning to work together rather than continuing on with our table of egos still repeatedly trying to prove their worth.?

Think more like becoming a starling murmuration than a flock of squawking seagulls!