Loneliness at Work: When Work is the Source of Mental Health Challenges

Welcome to Street Lights, a dose of leadership insights that doesn’t dismiss or shy away from power, identity, or belonging, created by Aiko Bethea and the RARE Coaching & Consulting team. This is the place to disrupt your default thinking and status quo approach to leadership. This is where we say the quiet part out loud. Everyone’s invited to this party, just bring your curiosity and generosity with you! Let’s dive in.

Last week we discussed the 3 Reasons We Need to Talk About Loneliness . If you’re just now tuning in, please read last week’s Street Lights as it was the first of this three-part series on Recognizing Isolation and Rediscovering Community.?

Many of you shared your experiences with isolation and loneliness as work—both in your remote and in-office work. You suggested solutions like affinity groups to inspire community connection or expressed that you found yourself not even wanting to acknowledge what you were feeling. Some described the inherent loneliness in leadership. When you are the person everyone depends upon and looks up to, can you find true community at work??

Loneliness and isolation at work have always been present for me.?

What’s on Tap

In my earlier career roles I was often the youngest on the team and then the youngest in a leadership role. I had to do the work of getting out of my head when I was leading those who were twice my age. In Charlotte, NC, I wasn’t the only woman or person of color (or Black woman) on these teams, but I was still an outlier.

In subsequent roles I was certainly the only Black person. In nonprofit and philanthropic work there was no shortage of women on teams or in leadership roles, but they definitely did not look like me. Have you ever been in a meeting and the ice breaker was: Share your great grandparent’s history? Others shared about The Book of Names and finding generations of their lineage outlined, or of having generations of doctors or dentists. So do you want to hear the sharecropper story, or the story of encountering night riders in the South? As the only Black person in the room for a leadership meeting… what an interesting share.?

There are a range of reasons that we experience loneliness at work. My experience are? just a few that go to culture and other identity markers. We’re going to explore other causes of loneliness, the impact, and offer ways to address this.?

So what causes loneliness at work?

The Center For Workplace Mental Health lists several root causes for loneliness at work.?

• Remote work: Remote work is more popular than ever after the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us began working from home in 2020 without preparation or choice, and some of us who may thrive in an in-person work environment may still be required or encouraged to work from home.??

Remote work can leave us in physical isolation, but it doesn’t have to leave us feeling socially isolated. Lean into ways to create connection with folx at work AND in your personal life. We have to remember that the workplace is not designed to meet all of our needs- and it never will.

• Processing and communication: As introverts, internal processors, and neurodivergent team members may know, it can be difficult to get a word in with colleagues. Feeling unheard, unseen, and unappreciated in your environment can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation even in a crowded room.?

People managers should be intentional about formatting meetings and discussions so that quieter voices have a pathway of being heard. Leadership development also supports introverts and internal processors to identify ways to be heard, while supporting others in recognizing the excess weight of their voice. We ask them to use WAIT, asking themselves to consider Why Am I Talking. (Is what you’re saying truly additive, is it just another “piggyback,” and are you domineering rather than truly collaborating and being impactful?)

• Culture and Identity: Earlier I mentioned how identity markers can leave us feeling isolated. This can look like a range of behaviors which I’ll provide examples of because so many never recognize how their “innocent” questions based on a limited worldview can be aggressions that many have to navigate multiple times a day.?

Have you been asked about your husband or wife in a heteronormative context when that doesn’t apply to you? Or have there been assumptions that everyone went on family vacations during their youth? Or have people asked you to repeat something 10 thousand times because of your accent?? No one cares to pronounce your name correctly. The comments about how certain foods in the breakroom smell or are unappealing. (Oh wait, they’re talking about my favorite dish made by my Obachan.)

Then there was the part of being a mother. Then there was the part of being a mother of two Black sons. It is a very different experience to navigate maternal healthcare as a Black woman and to be a Black parent of Black boys. The conversations at work are hard because what should be a universal experience—parenting and having children—is not universal in terms of equity. So, you don’t even want to talk about it at all.?

These seemingly normative moments are isolating experiences when:

• There are assumptions about you and your community
• There are norms set as the “normal standard” when they are NOT the normal standard and certainly not EVERYONE’s standard or experience
• Operations and processes are set to only cater to one worldview (which often is not the norm or even the majority, and there is no pathway to respond to differences); consider having no gender neutral bathroom options, two days of bereavement leave and that’s only offered to immediate family members rather than those who are even closer than biological family, or your natural hair is “out of compliance”?
• When a difference is punished or diminished

It seems so easy to say: “Be more inclusive,” or “Be more self-aware.”???

• Lack of resources, including development opportunities: Feeling isolated, lonely, and like you lack social support at work can even have physical symptoms. If you are a leader in your workplace who feels it isn’t your place to consider and be mindful of your employees’ mental health, know that these feelings can cause sluggishness, impaired productivity, stifled creativity, and hindered decision-making. Modeling disregard for employee well-being leads to a lack of empathy, connection and engagement in the workplace.?It also leads to resignations.

Professional development resources train us to be more aware of the needs of others and to be empathetic and make space for others to ask for what they need and to be accountable for their own well being.? Other resources like employee assistance programs (EAPs) and accessible health care also allows employees to be self-sustaining so that they aren’t further isolated.

• Overwork and toxic workplaces (bullying, hazing): Workplaces have been described as "terrorizing." The role of the workplace in creating severely challenging circumstances for employee health has become recognized to the point that in the US, the legal standard that precluded employers from being liable for employee suicide has shifted . Globally, there's been acknowledgement of how the workplace has driven employees to take their lives . Loneliness and isolation can be the top of the iceberg of employee mental health challenges.

Impact of Loneliness at Work

Often we discuss mental health issues in the context of work based on the premise that employees come to work with mental health challenges, which is true. But we rarely discuss how the workplace can cause mental health challenges for employees. We will discuss this at our upcoming LinkedIn Live (register here) with two licensed therapists, Deran Young and Tozia Ware, Ed.S, LPC-MHSP(temp), NCC , but here are a few impacts to be aware of:

• Imposter phenomenon
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Burnout: Includes being taxed from covering, code switching and assimilatingT
• Workplace inefficiency, lack of innovation
• Toxic and weak workplace culture
• So how do we create spaces that support us to navigate these moments in a healthy way?

Strategies to Counter Loneliness at Work

While leadership should create initiatives to inspire community and belonging at work, we can also take steps ourselves if we are feeling lonely and isolated at work. Here are some ideas:

• Audit operations processes: There are several points in the employee life cycle that can be paramount for creating connection or isolation and loneliness. It's worthwhile to audit the impact of these moments and ensure there is continuous feedback, improvement, and accountability for making these culture-building moments. Pivotal moments include: onboarding , new manager training, performance management and employee reward cycles, recruitment and talent acquisition, and organization-wide celebration of employees.
• Provide professional development:?Based on the excess of leadership articles about collaboration, inclusion, emotional intelligence, and other skills that create cohesion and connection, you would think the workplace was a bastion of insight ... Unfortunately, investment in leadership development continues to decrease and employees continue to fumble on these
• Try an act of kindness: Write thank you cards for colleagues who have recently helped you, publicly praise a co-worker on a good idea or successful project during a meeting, create intentional spaces for kudos and meaningful (not superficial and staged) celebrations.
• Bemindful of different communication styles and space for a range of voices: Do you notice that a colleague is often talked over, or that their ideas are repeated by others who are louder and they get the credit? Don’t let it stand. Help them find their voice by amplifying it.??

Are the same voices dominating while the same Other voices are unheard or unacknowledged? Correct this. Co-create meeting agendas, post agendas in advance for all to have a chance to weigh in and process, have round-robin check-ins or close outs, or alternate who leads or facilitates meetings.

• Start or connect with an affinity group: Affinity groups can support folx in finding their tribe and reflecting on shared experiences through simliar lenses. This network can also offer new insights, ways to navigate the workplace, and resources. I've started and led several employee resource groups which continue to serve workplace communities to this day. (But it is often unpaid labor.)
• Look for a different work opportunity: Sometimes you are simply in the wrong environment for your needs. I'll say it again: the workplace was not meant to meet our every need. In fact, often workplaces meet few of our core needs. And, that's not a bad thing. It leaves space for you to explore and learn more about yourself in spaces that serve your other needs.

As a leader, what other ways can you support your employees?

According to healthcare provider Cigna, loneliness at work costs employers an estimated $154 billion annually in stress-related absenteeism alone. So if you think you don’t have a reason to champion reducing loneliness in your team, you may want to reconsider.

Leaders have the power to enhance meaningful connections at work, inspire good work-life balance, accommodate requests that can decrease feelings of loneliness and isolation, and organize team events that promote inclusivity. Here are some ideas:

• Listen: Ask your team what they need and listen. Try quarterly (or bi-yearly) one-on-one or skip one-on-one check-ins to ask your employees how work is going. Make it unrelated to performance and all about what your team needs from leadership.?
• Virtual or in-person team-building activities: Make time to bring your team together. A team that shares fun times, stress relief, and laughs together will feel more connected. These moments should be co-created so that they are culturally connective v. imposed and forced.
• Encourage your team to ask for help: It’s easy to feel isolated when you’re overwhelmed and don’t feel you can ask for help. Create an environment where it’s ok to ask for, or offer, help.?
• External resources: Provide employee assistance programs or other affordable pathways for employees to get support beyond the workplace.
• Create a community of practice for people leaders: People leaders are often in the situation of holding sensitive information, or having to maintain team morale. This can increase isolation and loneliness, and leave them without the support they need to be successful and to support their team.

Flickering Lights

Once again, as you reflect on your feelings of loneliness and isolation, consider these questions:

• As a leader, what am I doing to improve workplace conditions and combat loneliness? Are isolation and loneliness something I’ve thought about regarding my team??
• As a leader, to I have others who I can confide in without breaching confidentiality or creating challenging dynamics?
• Explore your own feelings: Am I lonely or isolated at work? Do I feel disconnected?
• As an employee, what can I do to combat loneliness and isolation in myself and others?
• Am I in the right work environment for my needs, or is it time to explore new opportunities?

Heads Up

This is a three-part series of Street Lights meant to help you discover isolation and explore loneliness before guiding you to rediscover the joy and support of community and find true belonging. Hang in there with us! Next week we’re getting to the part that is the antidote of loneliness.... community.

Note: RARE Coaching & Consulting LLC is offering a three-part workshop for those interested in delving deeper into this topic as a community, and with a licensed therapist co-facilitating. We also have an upcoming LinkedIn Live on this topic—register to attend here.

Community Connection

Answer in the comments how the Flickering Lights resonate or if you’ve taken steps to combat loneliness and isolation in the workplace, what did you do, and what was the outcome? Let’s discuss our ideas!

Until the next episode…

#mentalhealth #wellness #community #culture #workplace #growth #leadership