Loneliness, what's the solution?

Last time we left off on our journey of discovery with the findings of the ?U.S. Surgeon General’s report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness & Isolation.?

This was from 2023, but I mentioned that we had known about this problem for some time due to a study that started over 85 years ago.?

The Harvard Study of Adult Development?

This is the longest-running study on adult life, health, and happiness in the world and it has tracked the lives of 700+ original participants and 1,300+ descendants.?

A team of medical doctors, physiologists, and psychologists has considered every conceivable aspect: career, family, mental, physical, and financial.?

They followed participants from college through careers, marriage, divorce, success and failures, and old age.?

Those who took part remain anonymous, but we do know that many achieved great success—captains of industry, bestselling authors, members of the U.S. Senate, and even JFK (although his files are sealed until 2040).?

Many also failed catastrophically, even with all the advantages a connection with Harvard gives.?

The purpose of the project was to ascertain whether they could detect any commonalities with those who reached the sunset of their days and looked back.?

Were they content with what they achieved? Or did they have regrets that haunted them about things they either had or had not done??

Could there be almost a formula, a magic mix of work, habits, attitudes, etc, that gives us the best chance of experiencing contentment and happiness in our lives??

In fact, they found seven factors that could predict health, both physically and psychologically:?

• Education
• Stable marriage
• Healthy weight
• Some exercise
• Not smoking
• Not abusing alcohol
• Employing mature adaptations?

The last I understand to mean acquiring social skills and methods to cope with life’s problems.

In an answer to the question? “What have you learned from the Study?” Dr George Vaillant, who spent 40 years with this project, replied:?

Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, when asked a similar question replied:

In other words, the strength and quality of your relationships have a direct and powerful impact on your physical health as you age.?

The question we need to address is how we can benefit from this knowledge, and Dr. Waldinger has some interesting ideas about what he calls “Social fitness.”?

What on Earth is Social Fitness??

Great question. ?We hear a lot about physical fitness, but this may be the first time you’ve encountered social fitness. Here are two aspects to get you started.?

1. Charging your battery

Who are the people you meet who energise you? Those you look forward to seeing again and leave you feeling good?

They charge your battery.

On the other hand, do you have anyone who does the opposite? Who walks in the room with a dark cloud over their head and tells you at length about their woes and problems?

You can feel the energy drain from you as they speak.

I know you’ve already worked out what you should do. Yes, aim to spend more time with your energy creators and less time with the energy drainers, and preferably eliminate them from your life.

Your life and social fitness will improve.

2. Small, daily actions and habits?

This resonates with the theme of this newsletter – Small Steps, Big Changes.?

We are well aware of the actions and habits that you practice every day, which can compound over long periods of time.?

These can accumulate positively and negatively, and we need to concentrate on the former rather than the latter. There are probably thousands of examples, but here’s a few for you to get the idea:?

• That friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Reach out!
• When did you last tell someone they looked good? Do it today.
• Or told them they’d done a good job? Been a while?
• How about a surprise gift? Preferably a thoughtful gift rather than an expensive one.
• And when was the last time you did something ridiculously spontaneous??

Now, being spontaneous isn’t necessarily an immediate and unexpected event. It can be something you plan for a special person and then make a “surprise” event for them.?

Whichever way, it’s going to be good for you and them.?

Interestingly, I was talking to a friend a few days ago who mentioned a “spontaneous” surprise I organised for him in the distant past. As we are in polite company, I cannot go into details, but all these years later, we still laugh about it.?

You really have numerous ways to bring a little sunshine into the world.?

• Do something spontaneous
• Get on yer bike like Stan and talk to strangers.?
• Or join Kurt in farting around.?

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter; just do something. Have I convinced you yet?