Loneliness & Solitude aren't the same

There are times when we long for some alone time. We want to disconnect from the world, devoid of any responsibilities, and spend time with ourselves in solitude. On the contrary, there are moments when there’s a dire urge to connect with people but with no one by our side, we tend to feel aloof. Ironically, the same “alone time” seems like an eternity as compared to the first scenario, when it was a fleeting moment.

How come being “alone” can have two drastically different experiences?

The answer lies in understanding in depth loneliness and solitude, two sides of the same coin and yet, massively different from each other.

Difference between loneliness and solitude

While both are used interchangeably at times, loneliness and solitude are two conflicting emotions. Loneliness is characterized by the feeling of being despicable. Being aloof from the crowd or like-minded people, one tends to attribute the reason to his personality, vulnerability, and shortcomings. While most of it may not be true, it still plays on our minds and eventually, the weight of this emptiness becomes unbearable.

Conversely, solitude is more of a personal choice wherein we create a void, a vacant space to breathe, reconnect with ourselves, and learn to enjoy our own company. Solitude can unlock abundant creativity, and deep problem-solving skills and helps us access a bigger, better world with open possibilities.

According to the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, what triggers loneliness is the insatiable desire for an absent want. And because it remains unsatisfied, the feeling of emptiness and abandonment creeps in.

As for being in solitude, it’s a communion with oneself of the truest form, provided we can get rid of all distractions and other people.

When solitude is a problem

I’ll start with an age-old cliché, but it fits in perfectly here. Every rose has its thorn and similarly, the goodness of solitude comes with its own set of melancholy.

Without thorough introspection and understanding our own needs, deliberately plunging towards a solitary state can be fatal. It can often act as a dark and fertile ground for depression. Samuel Johnson, the literary giant gave a brilliant piece of advice, “If you are idle, be not solitary and if you are solitary, be not idle.”

While solitude is an ideal choice when it comes to refining one’s creativity since the “me” time is often therapeutic, a deliberately chosen withdrawal by an individual is also a clear red flag for depression. This withdrawal can be from friends, family members, peers, and social relationships, and of course, is not at all healthy. For the affected individual, this can be termed as being “solitary”, but apparently this is a clear sign of loneliness and abandonment.

Moving to solitude from loneliness

One must first keep a tab on their feelings to start transitioning from loneliness to solitude. Humans are particularly haunted by negative emotions because they lead them to believe damaging lies and propel them into ruminating thought patterns.?

Clearly identifying unpleasant emotions and calling them out to yourself helps immensely. This enables us to understand the cause of these emotions thereby handing us much better control over them.?

And now since we can choose what to do with our thoughts and feelings, we can determine for ourselves when we are supposed to practice solitude and when our alone time seems lonely.

To summarize, it’s important to address the underlying emotions and understand the key cause behind them. One clearly gets to segregate between solitude and loneliness and is more empowered to incline towards the sunshine.